Church of Ancient Ways Blog

Twice I have been invited to stay for a couples first dance. The first time was a couple at the Foundry in Long Island City. They changed into their dance cloths and did an awesome tango. It was full of percise movements, steemy eye contact, and the groom lifting the bride as in the photo. Culturally perfect for them and it left everyone cheering!

Last night was just as fabulous but totally different. With a little bit of a fairy tale theme the bride and groom chose Tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty Waltz for their first dance. It was sweeping and graceful, and although it was purely instrumental childhood memories of the lyrics began to play in everyone's heads:

""I know you, I met you in once upon a dream!

I know you, that gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam-

and I know it's true that visions are seldom what they seem,

But if I know you, I know what you'll do, you'll love me at once-

The way you did once upon a dream!"

Sighhhhhh.... It was beautiful!

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* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. *

*Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.*

*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.*

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.*

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.*

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.*

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.*

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.*

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.*

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.*

* Every path has a few puddles.*

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.*

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.*

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.*

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.*

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.*

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.*

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.*

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.*

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got. *

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.*

* Always drink upstream from the herd.*

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.*

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.*

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.*

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.*

*Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.*

Some of it is just funny but with all the little bumps in the road of wedding planning, there's also some good advice there!

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Yesterday I was at Raphael Vineyards in Peconic, and everything was of course spectacular! But one thing that was just too cool not to mention, was as I came into the ceremony room to set up Fran and the Vintage String Quartet were warming up.

They were playing Jimi Hendrix Purple Haze!

Is there anyone who doesn't love rock and Roll done with classical instruments?

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Unity Candles are so popular with couples and with the parents. People get them as gifts, and then start to think of how this will work with an outdoor ceremony.

In general the answer is not well. However wind, weather, and other conditions are all subject to change! And sometimes it is as flawless as if we were inside.

There is no one right answer on what to do. We can offer the Sand Ceremony or the Wine Ceremony, or the Hand Ceremony as an alternative. But for those who love the idea of a Unity Candle this seems lackluster.

Hurricane Glass to protect the flame? In my experience it works, but is a little awkward, just make sure the glass is taller than the candle.

I once had a "Tim the Toolman Taylor" type groom who drilled out the center of the candle and replaced it with a relighting birthday candle.

Including the mothers outdoors makes it more difficult because the flame now has to be lit by one person, passed to the couple and then joined.

So what's my favorite solution?

For outdoor ceremonies I always place the candle after the vows and just before the pronouncement. I also have fabulous long silver zippo lighters that produce a healthy flame.

The decision to light or not to light is made based on if the wind is blowing after the vows. If the couple knows they will be standing there with a candle that just won't light or stay lit we go to plan "B"

What is plan "B"?

Plan "B" is placing the Unity Candle on the couples table at the reception. It is lit before they spin off into their first dance and it is enjoyed through out the rest of the event.

As usual I have no definitive answers, just some things to think about!

Happy Planning!

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Yesterday after a fabulous ceremony at the Manhattan Penthouse, I was at the Ladies pavilion in Central park for a surprise renewal of vows. They had been married for 25 years, have 3 children in their late teens and he planned everything without her knowing.

Can you say tearfest?

The kids were in on it but they didn't see the address to them.

"Patrick, Jenna, and Jillian, Susan and Patrick would like to thank you for being here with them today. Being your parents has always been the most important part of their lives and they are so proud of you all and your accomplishments. You were brought into this world through their love for one another. Yet it is your love for them and their love for you that has made their life rich beyond measure. They love you with all their hearts, and no matter how old you get or where life takes you, they want you to know that that`s forever."

The ceremony ended with the kids reading:

"A family is .....
The sweetest feelings
The warmest hugs
Trust and togetherness
Unconditional love
The stories of our lives
written on the same page
The nicest memories
anyone has ever made
Treasured photos
Thankful tears
Hearts overflowing with all the years
Being there for one another
Supporting and caring
Understanding, Helping, Sharing
Walking life's path together
And making the journey more beautiful because .....
We are a family .....
And a family
Is Love."

Needless to say it was a day to remember! And what's a little drizzle of rain when you have a love like theirs!

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There have been a flurry of questions lately about the marriage license and in truth it seems all bets are off.

When will I get the Certificate in the mail?

This time of year is high season for processing. Your officiant has 5 days to return it to the place of issue. Once it has been returned for processing NYC is taking 6 - 8 weeks, Nassau and Suffolk 2 - 3 weeks.

While it doesn't matter where you get your license, meaning that a NY license is good anywhere in the state, this is something to consider if you have time concerns for receiving the Certificate.

Hand filing does let you have the certificate on the same day. But not all Town Halls are thrilled with this.

Another popular question has been what to bring when applying for the license. Being a state wide license you would think that there is a standard answer to this question. Recently this has not been so. Some Town and City halls still require a birth certificate with a raided seal & a drivers license or passport, others are taking just a passport or drivers license,

Calling ahead to which ever location you are going to is always a good idea.

Suffolk County Town Clerks Offices

Town of Babylon
200 East Sunrise Highway
Lindenhurst, NY 11757
631-957-3000

Town of Brookhaven
One Independence Hill
Farmingville, NY 11738
(631) 451-9101, phone

Town of East Hampton
159 Pantigo Rd
East Hampton, NY 11937
(631) 324-4143

Town of Huntington
100 Main Street
Huntington, NY 11743
(631) 351-3206

Town of Islip
655 Main St
Islip, NY 11751
(631) 224-5490

Town of Riverhead
200 Howell Avenue
Riverhead, NY 11901
(631) 727-3200

Town of Shelter Island
38 North Ferry Road,
PO Box 1549
631-749-1166

Town of Smithtown
99 West Main Street
P.O. Box 646
Smithtown, NY 11787-0646
(631) 360-7620

Town of Southampton
23 Main Street,
Southampton, NY 11968
(631) 283-0247

Town of Southold
53095 Route 25
P.O. Box 1179
Southold, New York 11971
(631) 765-1800

Nassau County Clerks Offices

City of Glen Cove
9 Glen Street
Glen Cove, NY 11542
(516) 676-3345

City of Long Beach
City Hall Room 307
1 West Chester Street
Long Beach, NY 11561
516-431-1000 Extension 314

Town of Hempstead
One Washington Street
1st Floor
Hempstead, NY 11550
(516) 489-5000

Town of North Hempstead
200 Plandome Road
Box 3000
Manhasset, NY 11030
(516) 869-7646

Town of Oyster Bay
54 Audrey Avenue
Oyster Bay, NY 11771
(516) 624-6333
open till 7pm 2 Tuesdays a month

Town of Oyster Bay
Town Hall South
977 Hicksville Road
Massapequa, NY 11758
(516) 797-7961
open till 7pm 2 Tuesdays a month

New York City Clerks Offices

Manhattan
Municipal Building
1 Centre Street, Room 252 South
New York, New York 10007

Bronx
Supreme Court Building
851 Grand Concourse
New York, New York 10451

Brooklyn
Municipal Building
210 Joralemon Street, 2nd Floor, Room 205
Brooklyn, New York 11201

Queens
Borough Hall Building
120-55 Queens Boulevard
Kew Gardens, New York 11424

Richmond
Borough Hall Building
10 Richmond Terrace, 3rd Floor, Room 311
Staten Island, New York 10301

Manhattan now has an option to fill out the forms online and then show up with your ID within 21 days.

http://www.cityclerk.nyc.gov./html/marriage/marriage_bureau.shtml

Wishing you all Happy Planning and Wonderful Weddings!

L&L, April

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Aren't these beautiful?

"I Mitch take you Heather,
To be my lawfully wedded wife.
I promise to delight in the laughter,
take serious the important,
and imagine the profound.
I promise to keep myself open to you,
to live in truth with you,
to communicate fully and fearlessly,
For all the days of my life."

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Although having your officiant stay to do a meal blessing is usually on your list of options, it's also a nice way to get family involved.

One of my favorites has always been

“The Wedding Prayer“
by Robert Lewis Stevenson

“Lord, behold our family here assembled.
We thank you for this place in which we dwell,
for the love that unites us,
for the peace accorded us this day,
for the hope with which we expect the morrow,
for the health, the work, the food,
and the bright skies that make our lives delightful;
for our friends in all parts of the earth.
Amen”

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Many couples have professionals pinning the flowers on, and lining everyone up, but for the do it yourselfers and smaller less structured weddings this is a real question.

When you are looking down the aisle at where the ceremony will take place, the groom and groomsmen are usually to the right and the bride and her ladies to the left.

These are the sides people are on when they enter. Boys to the right, girls to the left.

The way the guys will be lined up in order to see their boutonnieres they should be on the left lapel.

Wrist corsages for mom and grandma will look best on the left wrist so they may take the arm of their escort unencumbered.

Switching it later if they are left handed and don't want to smell roses with every fork full of food is perfect.

When the Bride enters practicality is always important. Fullness of the dress and length of the train is something to consider here. If there is limited space between the front row and the place where the couple will stand, putting the Father of the Bride on the Left, closer to his seat will lessen the worry of him stepping on the dress after the hand off. If this is not a concern I recommend regular boy / girl sides.

I know it's not rocket science, but keeping you informed and comfortable with every aspect of the day makes for less stress.

Happy planning!

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Do we need one?

I don't know... need is so subjective a word....

Many feel it's very cool to have one with your names done up beautifully for you. Others love a blanket of petals to walk on, creating the aisle without a runner. Both ways do tie the arch or ceremony spot together and really make it look like a destination!

Things to think about:

Does your venue allow a runner?
Some do not for insurance reasons.

Are you indoors or out?
Grass or a hard surface?
Runners work best on a hard surface, and can in fact be dangerous on grass. Inside or on a walkway they can be secured, while if the grass is of average length the runner becomes puffy and hard to walk on especially for older folks.

Is anyone offering to toss in the runner for free?
Your limo company is the most likely to do this for you.

Personally I am an all petals person but it's your day! And you should have the aisle of your choosing.

Perfectionists, please see the other Aisle Runner blog entry below.

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