Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

DH and I had this conversation last night, I HATE working. DH and I agree that I will stay home with our kids when we have them. I told him I feel like I'm undermining my ability and intelligence because....I know I'm smart and I can do anything if I apply myself, but feel I might be short-changing myself by WANTING to stay home and make a home and raise kids? He said, no....'What if that's what you're MEANT to do? What if that is what your TRULY GREAT at?'

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

i could have written the exact same thing you just wrote.

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

My friend would kill me if she knew I wrote this, but I have a very good friend who is immensely intelligent, who has a Law Degree from a very notable institution, who graduated 3rd in her law class, and passed the NYS bar the first time, in the 92nd percentile & who stays at home. And she is perfectly happy doing it.


Sometimes it is what you are MEANT to do. And I think it takes a great sense of knowing who you are to be a great parent. Your intelligence will only help you raise your children, not hurt you as a person.

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Thanks ladies....I know somewhere out there is the perfect blend of staying home and working part time or working from home, if at all. I know I want to give my kids what DH and I didn't have.

I feel ALOT better now!

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

there is nothing wrong with it at all!! i have had pple make comments like oh ur only dream is to get married and have children?...um AND?? whats wrong with living a happy, fun, content, life with a wonderful man and raising beautiful children..

ETA: i have always had this feeling inside me like im ment to be a mother, i cant help but love and nurture pple and there is nothing at all wrong with that

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

This is me ... I hate working and have no desire for a *career* ... I think I am made to stay at home!!! Why can't it be the 1950's????

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

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Posted by wc0143

This is me ... I hate working and have no desire for a *career* ... I think I am made to stay at home!!! Why can't it be the 1950's????

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DIT-TOE

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

I would love to stay home after I have kids. Unfortunately in this day and age its not possible unless you have a husband that makes over $100,000

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

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Posted by boosh78201

I would love to stay home after I have kids. Unfortunately in this day and age its not possible unless you have a husband that makes over $100,000

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I don't think that's true.
You have to make priorities if you really want to stay home with your kids....

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

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Posted by boosh78201

I would love to stay home after I have kids. Unfortunately in this day and age its not possible unless you have a husband that makes over $100,000

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I don't think that's true.
You have to make priorities if you really want to stay home with your kids....

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unfortunately, 'priorities' don't pay the bills

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

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Posted by boosh78201

I would love to stay home after I have kids. Unfortunately in this day and age its not possible unless you have a husband that makes over $100,000

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I don't think that's true.
You have to make priorities if you really want to stay home with your kids....

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Sure if you want to have $0 in the bank. Im sorry but if I were to stay home, we would save no money, basically living week to week on DH's salary and I dont want that.

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

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Posted by wc0143

I think I am made to stay at home!!! Why can't it be the 1950's????

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My sentiments exactly - But in response to the 50's throwback, maybe our generation of women have evolved into new breed of feminism - Not as passive as the 50s, but not as crazed as the 60-70's either :) I think the the fact that we KNOW how strong we are and CHOOSE to use that strength and maternal wisdom to nurture our children is just redefining the whole notion of feminism. Maybe? :) Whatever it is, I'd be honored to be a part of that percentile :)

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

I've had this conversation with DH also. I have a great job, but still, I hate going to work. I feel like I was meant to be a *gulp* housewife .
Not that there's anything wrong with that; it's hard work! And I just feel like it's the one thing that I could do really well - take care of a house and be a mom - and actually enjoy it. I'm sure there will be times where I'll regret having said that!

But we'll have to see how things go; obviously if I keep working after we have kids, we'll have more money and can have a nicer house, etc. But the thought of having to come home from a long day at work and then have to make dinner, clean, take car of the kids.... ugh......

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

I agree - We dont even have any children and I could take care of the house/bills errands and never have a dull moment as it is.
FH helps at home - but I am still running the show, and it gets crazy sometimes.
I always thought I wanted to work... my Mom and Grandmother both worked growing up so I have been taught that is what you do- but now I dont know I like taking care of our home and I spend allot of time on it and sometimes i feel guilty that I dont proritize my career or lacktherof instead.

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Not for nothing... but if my FW makes over 40k a year or so when it comes time for kids... its just not worth it to be a stay at home mom. Yeah if you don't make diddly squat... its a different scenario. If the cost of babysitting or daycare takes up most of the paycheck you would be bringing home from working... its not worth it to work.

Its very easy for the women here to say that they were 'meant' to do this (especially right after they say they HATE working LOL). But unless your FH is 100% cool with the idea... you shouldn't do it. Like Don says... it doesn't pay the bills and IMO puts a strain on the family.

I make a good salary and I can probably pay the bills on my salary alone... but frankly I don't want the added pressure of being the only source of income. And I am sure a lot of your FH's feel this way... whether they admit it to you or not.

What if I get laid off? (I work in IT so its definitely possible). Then we are screwed royally. If my FW makes a decent living once its time to have kids... my FW will be back to work once her maternity leave is up.

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

well at least don and boosh have the same thoughts on the matter...but i stand firm in my beliefs that i only want to work when i have kids if we need food on the table...kids don't need fancy toys or name brand clothes...they need their parents...and if their parents can live without fancy clothes and toys for themselves, then so can the children...

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

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Posted by DjPiLL

Not for nothing... but if my FW makes over 40k a year or so when it comes time for kids... its just not worth it to be a stay at home mom. Yeah if you don't make diddly squat... its a different scenario. If the cost of babysitting or daycare takes up most of the paycheck you would be bringing home from working... its not worth it to work.

Its very easy for the women here to say that they were 'meant' to do this (especially right after they say they HATE working LOL). But unless your FH is 100% cool with the idea... you shouldn't do it. Like Don says... it doesn't pay the bills and IMO puts a strain on the family.

I make a good salary and I can probably pay the bills on my salary alone... but frankly I don't want the added pressure of being the only source of income. And I am sure a lot of your FH's feel this way... whether they admit it to you or not.

What if I get laid off? (I work in IT so its definitely possible). Then we are screwed royally. If my FW makes a decent living once its time to have kids... my FW will be back to work once her maternity leave is up.

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i could not have said this better myself

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

I just want to say that I agree %100 with the fact that someones partner should be on board %100 with the stay at home vs. work situation. That being said I just want to point out that just because a woman hasnt worked in a few years dosen't mean that she cannot go back to work if there was an emergency situation. Most woman have a career before they met and married - so they have something to fall back on.
Also it is also stressful to be the soul Mommy/cleaner/shopper/cook/nurse/ household accountant/driver/ ect... in a marriage and unfortunatly as much as we fight it that is what a woman is left with at the end of the day - to have a full time career on top of all of that IMO with out a nanny or a housekeeper in the picture will also put a strain on a relationship.

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

kids don't need fancy toys or name brand clothes...they need their parents...and if their parents can live without fancy clothes and toys for themselves, then so can the children...

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Easier said than done. Try explaining this to your six year old when all their friends have x, y, and z and he/she wants... and you cannot financially keep up.

But hey if this is the way you want to do it... its your choice.