Single Friends

I have a single friend...one of my best friends and my maid of honor. I feel like our friendship is really strained since my engagement. We've spoken about it a couple of times, but it's really difficult. She says she's happy for me and I'm sure she is, but I feel like she not just envious, but jealous. I don't know if it's me or her--if I'm being oversensitive or if she needs to think more about the things she says--all I know is that I end up feeling guilty for the fact that I have someone and she doesn't and it's really difficult for me to manage. I mean, I've spent the greater part of my life in her position so I know how she feels, but it's still really hard to hear things like 'oh, I'll be the only single person there' or 'so that's what it's like for people who are in a relationship,' etc. It's just really frustrating, so I guess I'm 1/2 venting and 1/2 looking for other people to share their experiences....

Thanks!!!

Re: Single Friends

well i feel for you..i know that you want to be there for your friend but she should be happy for you..i know the jealousy is there..and im sure she dreamed about having someone to spend her life with..but she will find someone some day...maybe sooner than she thinks..i dont know how old she is ..so maybe she is thinking she will never find anyone..just boost her confidence..maybe have a girls night out or something once in a while..i have a few friends that are single..and if some of us engaged ones go overboard and talk about wedding stuff..they let us know and we stop..but the only thing that bugs me is that she is making you feel like that..when it comes time for her she is def gonna expect everyone to be happy so she should stop feeling sorry for her self..i hope that didnt sound mean..i dont mean for it to...

Re: Single Friends

no it doesn't sound mean at all...the thing is, i think if the tables were turned, she'd be much much worse than me and expect me to give her undivided excitement and joy--which i certainly don't expect from her, just a little more thoughtfulness

Re: Single Friends

well thats just the thing..i had a friend that was with her now fiance for like 5 yrs..and i was with my fh for 1 1/2 and we were engaged before her..i felt like she was like oh really? but i know she was more upset that her fh took so long..i also knew my fh for like 10 yrs..but never dated..it just kind of came together..but anyway i was kind of hurt by the 'not so excited'attitude..now everything is great because her fh proposed like 2weeks after me..but now we are planning together...i guess everyone gets a little jealousy in them..sometimes they dont realize how they are hurting other people..

Re: Single Friends

I am going through the same thing as you. My cousin is my MOH and we have been so close all our lives. Ever since i got engage, things have been strange. We have talked about being each other's MOH since we were kids. But she just doesn't seem that into it. And everytime I even mention the wedding, she seems upset or annoyed. i just try to let it go and realize that she is sad that she does not have anyone. we are just in different places in our lives right now and when she catches up to where I am things will be better.

As for your MOH just try to do the same thing. Remember how hard it is to be single and hope that you are still close when she is engaged and you will be able to enjoy her finally having that excitment.

Re: Single Friends

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Posted by germai68

I am going through the same thing as you. My cousin is my MOH and we have been so close all our lives. Ever since i got engage, things have been strange. We have talked about being each other's MOH since we were kids. But she just doesn't seem that into it. And everytime I even mention the wedding, she seems upset or annoyed. i just try to let it go and realize that she is sad that she does not have anyone. we are just in different places in our lives right now and when she catches up to where I am things will be better.

As for your MOH just try to do the same thing. Remember how hard it is to be single and hope that you are still close when she is engaged and you will be able to enjoy her finally having that excitment.

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i agree with you but when do US girls get to have them enjoy our time..why should we feel bad. then when its their turn everything is fine and dandy..im on your side but at the same time us girls dont have to feel guilty about being happy ya know?

Re: Single Friends

I feel for you- really I do. I was the 'single' girl four years ago when my younger(by two years) best friends both got married within a month of each other. Don't get me wrong- I just moved to CA and was really happy but hearing them getting married while I was 30 with no prospects was just plan scary! I was really bitter during that time and I am sure I said some really hurtful things. Fortunately, they really understood and didn't say anything- even though I could tell they were frustrated by me.
Just be understanding- its really hard to be the 'single' one when your friends marry. She is probably not only jealous but frightened about her own future as well! Hang in there.

edited to say: DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! Just understand where she is coming from and take her comments with a grain of salt.

Re: Single Friends

i know what you mean. of my 5 bm's 2 are engaged, one is dating for almost 2 years (one is my 16 yr old cousin so she doens't count!) but my one girl has no one. i feel bad talking about my wedding w/ her b/c i dont want her to feel upset ... and shes happy for me, but she's always saying 'always a bm, never a bride' and laughs about it .. but i know it hurts. i just keep telling her when the time is right, ya know?