Day of the Wedding...need advice

Ok...the plan originally was for all my BMs to get ready at my house the day of the wedding with the photographer and video person there. Now because of the drama between MOH and my mother, MOH doesn't want to come to my house the morning of. She wants to get ready on her own and meet me at the MPI. Fine....but now it seems she had arranged to drive out with my other BM. So MOH calls me a few minutes ago to say that BM doesn't want to drive out alone and that her and MOH will get ready at a hotel by themselves and meet us at the MPI. HELLO...is ANYONE of my BMs going to be there with me? I'm so fed up. The plan was to have half the pictures done with the BP before the ceremony so I didn't miss all of the CH. Now there will be people missing. Apparently this getting ready thing was MOH's idea because SHE doesn't want to get ready alone. So she calls up other BM to convince her that getting ready at a hotel is a better idea for THEM. Then she tells me, "of course whatever you want." My mom has specifically told me that she does not want to get ready at a hotel. She wants to get ready in her home. Honestly after all the aggrivation I want to get ready in my home too...and have pictures in my old room, etc. Did anyone else get ready alone and have their bridal party meet them at the ceremony?

Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

I think that despite the troubles between moh and your mom, your moh needs to suck it up and be where you need her to be on your wedding day.

Its not just about getting ready- you have pictures to take too!

I would ask her to skip teh hotel, get ready at home and meet you at your house instead of MPI so there is minimal amount of time spent with your mom

Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

Make them get ready earlier and meet you where you want them to meet you.

I got ready with my mom and the BMs came to my home, dressed and ready, a few minutes before we left for the park to meet the guys and take pictures before the ceremony. Four out of five BMs got ready together. I have pictures of me and my parents at home, BM pictures began in the park.

It worked out very well.

Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

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Posted by lilacwine

Make them get ready earlier and meet you where you want them to meet you.

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Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

If it helps I've chosen to get ready at my house with my mom, sister (MOH) and dad and meet my BP at the church. You can FM for details as to why because I don't know who lurks here...

I totally understand your wanting to be surrounded by your BP, but with all the drama, maybe it will be a calmer experience with just you and your mom at home. You can do shots alone and with her in your old room etc... and then do all the pics with the BP after the ceremony. As for missing the CH because of pics, my hall said they will extend it for 15 minutes once we're done with pics so that we can enjoy a little of it. Maybe you could ask your hall if they do that???

Good luck!

Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

I have read your posts and I agree with the other girls. She can just as easily get ready on her own (a bit earlier) and meet everyone for pictures.

Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

Thanks for all your input. The only problem is that I really wanted my girls to get ready with me. I wanted them to be on the video and I wanted to take pictures of all the BMs together so we didn't waste time. When MOH decided to stay in the wedding she told me that she didn't want to get ready at my mom's house now which I agreed to, but now it seems that she's calling up the BMs and convincing them that they shouldn't go there either. FH and I will not be staying in a hotel room so it's not like I have one available. I am about to go bridezilla and tell everyone that I want them at my house to get ready with me and if they don't like it they can all *(^%*%& back out. I don't know how much more I can take!

Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

wow, i can totally totally feel your pain!! I have been on the same path of destruction with my MOH who happens to be my non-supportive sister. to appease my family i have kept her in place, but have ceased including her in my developments. i originally told my BMs that i wanted them to stay with me from the rehearsal (friday) to the wedding (sunday), and all but 2 even answered the call!! So, i told the 2 that fine, but i absolutely expect them at my house the morning of to get ready and put on a smiley face for the cameras, if not then why bother? it's your day, and what you have to decide, is it worth all the stress? The girls that are happy to be with you great! Get them an extra little gift or something, the others "oh, freekin well!!"

why must our weddings all have sooooo much drama??!!

Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

This is absolutely horrible. YOU should not have to deal with all the junk that is going on. Believe me that you will NEVER forget the stress certain people added to you and your FH's planning. I would tell them what you want and everyone needs to suck it up. I had alot of family/friend problems throughout the entire process, until 1 month prior when I broke down. My now DH, spoke for me and from that point on everyone was on there best behavior. The video and pics ARE very important and if you want everyone with you to get ready, then they should be there...no matter what. JMO

Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

I have to be honest here, and I hope you don't get offended, but after all the posts I have seen about how your mom treats others and how she treated her, I can't say that I blame your MOH.

Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

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Posted by dleeny

I have to be honest here, and I hope you don't get offended, but after all the posts I have seen about how your mom treats others and how she treated her, I can't say that I blame your MOH.

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Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

Wow. I am not one of those posters who generally say anything about bm problems and them needing to follow what the bride says at all costs but....I have to say, I would really be hurt. Really be hurt. Your MOH needs to suck it up because she is your MOH. Yes, she may be really uncomfortable but what will she need to be uncomfortable for? An hour? Two? I'm sorry but no matter how inappropriate your Mom is, on the day of your wedding, for your pictures that are going to last forever, I would put my foot down about this one. Talk to your Mom, tell her to avoid MOH and throw in a bunch of guilt about not ruining the one day you've been working towards. I've been in tons of bridal parties, even with bridal members I didn't get along with (one was even my arch rival ) and I sucked it up because in the end, it wasn't about me and the other person, that one day was about the bride and the groom. I'm sorry but I really think at this point its your MOH thats being inappropriate and I send you tons of hugs

Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

have you spoken to your mom since the day of your shower?

Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

Yes, I've spoken to mom....after she left me a very rude message because I haven't called her. She doesn't get WHY I haven't called her. We talked about general things and the fact that we have our food tasting on Saturday. She wanted to make sure FH and I were still coming and she wanted to confirm that we would be attending the family BBQ on Sunday. At the advice of a co-worker with IL problems we are arriving early and claim we have a headache and if things don't go the way we want them to, we're going to say the headache got worse and we need to leave. The problem is that my mother seems to think that there is nothing wrong. She let off steam and now to her everything is fine. MOH is obviously not over it and doesn't want to have anything to do with my mother. We have two more events that they need to see each other for....the RD and the wedding. I think as my MOH she should suck it up for the few hours and be cordial. If my mom starts anything (which I dont know that she will since she thinks its over) there will be plenty of people in both places to diffuse things. But if my MOH brings it up or retailiates verbally again, I sense this will start the whole thing all over again. MOH wants reassurances that my mom with behave but she's NOT willing to give me HER reassurance that SHE will behave. Since I can't very well throw my mother out of the "wedding" these two have to be able to tolerate each other for a few hours.

Message edited 7/1/2005 9:33:47 AM.

Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

Your Mom needs to sit in a corner and think about what she has done. She needs a time out and it's time you told her so. This is screwing so much of your day up it's unbelievable. Can you ask one of your aunts, uncles, cousins to run interference that day and help with your mother. Of have them talk to your mother beforehand? You need an unbiased party to step in take the reins. Get this off your mind for a while.

On the other hand, I would be at the boiling bridezilla point already. Tell everyone to suck it up and get along if I didn't think the pictures would come out weird.

I have a visual of you telling them all to get along or get out! Eveyone needs to get the stick out of their behinds and support you!

Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

Have you thought about getting ready at a hotel with ALL of your BMs. That's what DH and I did and it worked out great.

Re: Day of the Wedding...need advice

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Posted by halfpintny

Yes, I've spoken to mom....after she left me a very rude message because I haven't called her. She doesn't get WHY I haven't called her. We talked about general things and the fact that we have our food tasting on Saturday. She wanted to make sure FH and I were still coming and she wanted to confirm that we would be attending the family BBQ on Sunday. At the advice of a co-worker with IL problems we are arriving early and claim we have a headache and if things don't go the way we want them to, we're going to say the headache got worse and we need to leave. The problem is that my mother seems to think that there is nothing wrong. She let off steam and now to her everything is fine. MOH is obviously not over it and doesn't want to have anything to do with my mother. We have two more events that they need to see each other for....the RD and the wedding. I think as my MOH she should suck it up for the few hours and be cordial. If my mom starts anything (which I dont know that she will since she thinks its over) there will be plenty of people in both places to diffuse things. But if my MOH brings it up or retailiates verbally again, I sense this will start the whole thing all over again. MOH wants reassurances that my mom with behave but she's NOT willing to give me HER reassurance that SHE will behave. Since I can't very well throw my mother out of the "wedding" these two have to be able to tolerate each other for a few hours.

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