Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

An old college roommate - who we decided NOT to invite to the wedding because I'm not very close with her and FH and I needed to cut down our lists and costs - just emailed me.

It was a very nice email - she was asking me how the wedding plans were going, when it is, where I am going on my honeymoon, etc.

Is there a nice way for me to write back to her and break the news to her, without being overly assumptious that that is why she is writing me. I just don't want to ignore the email, but I'd feel guilty writing her back talking about my wedding without addressing the fact that she isn't invited.

Please help! Any suggestions for what I could write/say in a email back to her are appreciated. Ughh... I hate this!!

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

Sure----very nicely explain to her that everything is going well with the planning, but you have decided that you are keeping the wedding to family and immedaite friends....
i would be 100% understanding if a friend told me that, especially someone I hadnt seen in a while--i mean lets be realistic this wedding is costing us all a fortune and everyone knows how expensive things are....

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

I have to agree-just write and tell her planning is going well and that you are keeping it small and sweet-I know I would understand completely!

Good Luck

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

I told one person that because we splurged on the honeymoon, the wedding is mostly family. Truth is, the wedding is mostly friends, but this girl is a PIA!!!

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

There ar some people in this world who are genuinely happy for people when they get married so they ask you how your plans are going simply to make conversation. Then there are the others who ask to test the waters to see if they will be invited. I never understood why people feel entitled to an invitation based on the fact that they are nothing more than a casual acquaintance - you know, the one who always says 'I BETTER BE INVITED!' - Each of us know this person.

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

If she is truly a friend, she will understand. And if she is offended that she's not a friend...I'm not inviting anyone I went to college with, b/c we don't keep in touch like that! A simple email is completely sufficient.

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

I'm a wimp, I'd probbaly be so glad she wrte and wa so concerned, I'd invite her anyway

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

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Posted by marymoon

I'm a wimp, I'd probbaly be so glad she wrte and wa so concerned, I'd invite her anyway

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Me too...actually happened a bunch but it all worked out fine in the end.

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

I actually had to cut a lot of friends, and it was tough, but there are really only 3-4 that I regret not inviting. I would answer the email with a 'The planning is going really well - thanks for asking!' response and then go on to say that due to costs, you are mainly keeping the list to family and leave it at that.

I found it interesting that my closest friends said to me 'I understand that you might have to cut the list, and if you can't invite me it's OK.' The people who 'expected' the invitations were not the really close friends, but what I would consider acquaintances.

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

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Posted by Goldi1021


I never understood why people feel entitled to an invitation based on the fact that they are nothing more than a casual acquaintance - you know, the one who always says 'I BETTER BE INVITED!' - Each of us know this person.

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Oh I can't stand those people! A few weeks after we got engaged, FH and I saw an acquaintance of ours. I barely know him, FH knows him a bit better, but they're really friends of friends more than anything else. He asked about our wedding plans and when I told him it was in NY he said something along the lines of 'Oh, I can't wait! I'd love to take a trip back east!' Um... Who are you?!

LM - Tell her about your plans, but don't gush it too much. And add in that unforunately due to the expense of having a wedding, you are having a small wedding, mostly family.

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

thanks girls, you always have such good advice. i appreciate the suggestions and will email her back today saying that unfortunately because of the expenses, we are keeping it small - while keeping it short and to the point. thanks again girls

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

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Posted by jeanla4c

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Posted by marymoon

I'm a wimp, I'd probbaly be so glad she wrte and wa so concerned, I'd invite her anyway

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Me too...actually happened a bunch but it all worked out fine in the end.

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Me too. If I didn't want her as a friend, I wouldn't reply to the email, and if I did want her as a friend, I would invite her.

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

Honestly, I dont think she is asking to be invited. She's just probably curious as to how the plans are going, and probably very happy for you. I would respond to her email by giving her the least information possible, maybe even stressing the fact that this wedding will probably cost you an arm and a leg...Im sure she'll get the picture.

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

It seems a bit odd that she emailed you at the time that your guests should be responding to the invitations. (Am I reading it right that you're getting married in about 6 weeks?) It could be coincidence, but be to the point. Say they are going well and that your small group of guests is RSVPing nicely. (That way, she'll understand that the invitations are already out and she didn't get one)

I'm dealing with that from an OOT girl. She told me she can't wait for my wedding to come visit NY! I barely even know her.

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

I've actually been expecting an e-mail like this from my old roommate who I haven't spoken to in 2 years even though I was a bm in her out of town wedding...because our other mutual friends have been invited (the guys we all hung out with, including her husband, all play fantasy football together, so I'm sure she'll know when the invites have arrived).

Our plan is to tell her that cost was an issue, and that we could only invite close friends and family...

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

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Posted by Goldi1021

...there are the others who ask to test the waters to see if they will be invited. I never understood why people feel entitled to an invitation based on the fact that they are nothing more than a casual acquaintance - you know, the one who always says 'I BETTER BE INVITED!' - Each of us know this person.

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OMG-my FI's ex-gf who is a bit of a two-face (Quick backstory: they dated for 5 yrs. and he dumped her and she tried for a year to get him back, then he started dating me and she pretended to be my friend, but secretly told others behind my back when we 1st started dating he'd break up with me for her) heard about our engagement...and the pscyho came by my office to give me a congratulatory card and see my ring. (She and I are NOT friends.) She told me she was 'in the area', and thought she'd 'drop by' to check out the ring. (She lives in Shirley and I work in Bay Shore) Then she continues to e-mail my FI and ask how our wedding plans are going and how she can't wait to be there for it!!! Like I would invite her nasty a**!

Your friend will understand about not being invited...don't worry. If she doesn't...well you weren't that close to begin with!

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

I would not tell her that she is not invited. Tell her plannin is going well..planning small, etc. Keep her as a 'B' list, you never know if you need people in the end to hit your min.

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

Dodge her...

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

thanks girls, I emailed her last night just saying that since we are paying for the majority of the wedding, we had to scale back on some things. I didn't say 'your not invited' outright, but hoped that she may get the picture from me saying the above. we'll see. thanks again for all of your advice girls, you are always so great

Re: Girls, I need some help - how do I break it to any old college roommate that she is not invited to the wedding?

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Posted by soontobemrsRG

Sure----very nicely explain to her that everything is going well with the planning, but you have decided that you are keeping the wedding to family and immedaite friends....
i would be 100% understanding if a friend told me that, especially someone I hadnt seen in a while--i mean lets be realistic this wedding is costing us all a fortune and everyone knows how expensive things are....

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I agree, I always tell people that we are trying to keep it small. They'll understand.