Potential Bridesmaid from Hell

Sorry this is going to be a little bit on the long side but I need advice on how to handle a potential bridesmaid (not to mention future sister-in-law) from hell! I`m getting married this October and initally didn`t want to have a bridal party. But since I have 2 sisters and my fiance has sisters, I felt that asking them to be bridesmaids was the right thing to do. Through out looking for dresses, I was taking into consideration shapes, sizes and budgets. I came across the Dessy/After Six line and picked out a few nice a-lines dresses in navy blue. I showed the 'offending' bridesmaid pics of them last sunday and she got a bit snippy and said, 'That`s not a-line! You said it was a-line.:' I told her that the manufacturer`s website said it was a-line and she said back, 'Well, it better be a-line!!'. Ugh... I went to look at the dresses today with my one friend and I`m going tomorrow with this particular bridesmaid. When she called this evening to find out what time to meet up, she asked me what I thought of the navy blue. I told her I loved it and she replied something to the affect of, 'Well, I suppose as long as YOU like it, that`s what matters' along with some other choice comments. I feel so insulted. I was in her bridal party 2 years ago and ended up paying almost $500.00 for a heinous dress-and this was after she changed her mind and made us all go out and buy a different dress. I never would have spoken up to this degree. How would you all handle this? I feel like it will only get worse with time. I`m totally dreading tomorrow.

Potential Bridesmaid from Hell

1st things 1st...do you WANT to have a bridal party or are you just doing it cuz it is 'the right thing to do'? There is no such thing anymore. These shindigs are too much money to not do what you want, all the way through. In your particular situation, it would be tough if you want everyone BUT this loudspoken soon-to-be-sis. So first, you should reconsider that. If that is not an option at this point, think about this...is this girl married yet? Ever notice how jealous other girls get when someone close gets engaged and they haven`t? Maybe that is her problem...this isn`t HER party, it`s yours...just ignore her comments and move on. Or maybe she isn`t being malicious at all. YOU may not have 'spoken up' like that, but she might be more forward than you. Yes, you might feel her comments were inappropriate...but whoever said everyone has couth?? Feel her out today, and if she continues to be belligerant or uncooperative, you might have to say something. Maybe she really doesn`t want to be a bridesmaid of yours...wouldn`t that be nice for you??!!! Throughout it all, don`t forget that this is your wedding...don`t let her annoy you and sway you from decisions you have made. She can always drop out of the bridal party if she doesn`t like what`s going on. No sweat off your back right?? Good luck!!!

Potential Bridesmaid from Hell

hey- let me know where you are going today. i am looking at dreses w/ a few friends today as well. we are going to bridal reflections in massapequa @ 11. i know it is a long shot of you being at the same place at the same time, but if i notice a snooty BM complaining and bitching, i`ll come to your rescue!!

Potential Bridesmaid from Hell-Long

Sorry to hear you are getting grief. I am lucky that I have a MOH and bridesmaid that are so accommodating it isn't believable! Both say whatever I want is fine. Like you, I have worn some ugly frocks, and never said a word. I have had problems with family members saying things about the way I am planning my wedding also. When they got married, I bought the ugly frock, showed up on time, and never said a word about how far I had to travel. Seems people forget how you have accommodeted them in the past. My solution was to not include people in my party who were negative in any way. My father said it was 'the right thing to do' to ask my brother to be in the wedding. It is OUR choice, and since he has made a few gripes about the distance he has to travel, I chose not to include him. I didn't tell him why, just said we are keeping the party small due to budgetary constraints. That is OUR decision. You have the same option to exercise. You can ask your BM if she REALLY wants to be in the wedding, saying if she doesn't you absolutely understand the financial stress it can cause. If she says yes, she does, you have every right to ask for her support in the wedding planning. That is what they are SUPPOSE to be there for, not to make the bride miserable. Good luck!

Potential Bridesmaid from Hell-Long

Hi girls! Thanks for the support!!! Quinn-I'll be at Adrienne's in Islip but thanks and good luck with your shopping excursion!! This particular bridesmaid was married 2 years ago-the first one to get married in my fiance's family so I think she's still riding the wave of wedding planning. I'm a pretty non-confrontational type of person and she's very much aware of that . I think I have 2 options today. If another snide remark comes my way, I'll take her aside and try to work this out. Option number 2 is to pick out to most hideous dress in the store and make her try it on! I found one yesterday--a lovely mutli-coloured beading thing with a big ruffle protruding from the butt!! Thanks again-I'll let y'all know how it turns out!

Sorry that she is being so mean

I think you need to speak with her in a calm voice and just tell her that her comments are upsetting and you feel uncalled for. I think she is being very unfair to you. And by the way, you spent $500 on a BM dress and then had to buy another one? THAT is one of the rudiest and more unfair things I have ever heard. She was lucky you were so supportive because I doubt many other girls would have been. Have fun today. Do not let her ruin one minute of this for you and your sisters. It is such a special time.

Potential Bridesmaid from Hell

Maybe you should just pick out the dress and make it clear that THIS is the dress and THIS is the color. I have been in a few wedding parties and the most stressful one was when the bride forced all of us to help pick out a dress. In reality, her opinion was what matteres and we all ended up 'picking' the dress that she liked, even though we all wanted something else. It was always easier to just have the bride show me what she picked out and then order it. After all, it is really the bride`s choice. When you agree to be a bridesmaid, you know that it is someone else`s show. Your soon to be sister-in-law is not the main event. Having insisted that my FH have my brother in our party and choosing to ask his sister, I think it is a wonderful gesture that you asked your future sister-in-law. If you don`t feel as comfortable telling her to back off as you would telling one of your sisers, then ask for your FH`s help. She sounds like a pain in the ass. I bet he has been dealing with her nonsense for his entire life!!! Good luck! I hope it all works out.

Potential Bridesmaid from Hell

Hi everyone- I wanted to say thanks again for all the support you`ve given me and great advice. Today went especially well...much better than I thought! She picked out a dress without any complaints that she liked. Of course, she spent the rest of the day talking about how her husband picked out such an ugly diamond for her and she wants to replace it. I guess she`ll never be truly happy with anything. I`m feeling like as soon as she picks the dress and orders it, I`m not going to be including her into a lot of my planning or asking for her advice. I`m going to keep this to minimal contact. Of course, any other rude commentary from her, I might just come back on to let off some steam! Thanks again everyone!!