First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

So I have a friend I asked to me in my BP we are friends but not BFF r anything. She has been there for me at time when I needed someone but she isn't the first person I would ever run to. We had a falling out a few years ago where we didn't talk for over a year but then we made up. Whenever we are all hanging out ( out little group) I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her. She is one of those people who doesn't like to be proved wrong, at time she acts very childish and I am not the only one that sees this I have talked to others as well and they say I not wrong. I am always afraid to state my honest opinion around her because I dont wanna start an argument. That is a very hard thing for me to do because I am the kind of person who tells it like it is. But for the sake of the friendship and the fact that we all hang out together I don't say anything. She has a short fuse at time and just gets very frustrated with people when they don't understand what she is talking about. Like one time she was talking about something on a TV show that me and my friend don't watch and she got annoyed that we had no idea what she was talking about! I just don't know what to do....She got married last year and is living at home with her parents and has money problems and she always talks about how broke she is and stuff and she has 3 weddings to pay for our friends wedding , her cousin and mine...her Cousin is getting married less than a month before me! I don't want her to go broke #1 and #2 I am afraid with all the bickering that we will get into a huge fight after the dresses and stuff are ordered and its gonna be a bigger deal that it is now! I am sorry if I am rambling I really just don't know what to do ...keep her in and see what happens or tell her I wanna take back her invitation to be in the BP??? I have been banging my head against the wall for the past few days I am just so confused! aaaaaaaaaagggggggggg

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long!

As hard and as frustrating it might be I would just stick it out and see what happens. If you kick her out I think it will turn into a huge thing.

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long!

honest opinion time & i know that's what you want.

i voted other...i wanted to do this with Dave's sister but didn't - as i was afraid of his mom's reaction...

i would sit her down & talk to her. Explain to her that you don't want to put her out & make things financially harder for her.....so you are asking her to be 100% sure she wants to be in the bridal party. You don't want her to resent you for the decision you made to ask her.

You need to express sincerely to her that you will not be offended and you'd be honored if she'd take on another role at the wedding or something along those lines. Also - tell her that you would like to give her a few days to think about it....so she doesn't have to tell you immediately...

I think this would be your best option - as this is frustration that isn't fair for you to have to deal with.

At that point - she can say no & bow out gracefully but if she insists....then she's in and it's her issue.

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long!

i think at this point i am more worried about us bickering more and more and its gonna get to me really bad i am also worried about her financial situation but i think its more that i dont wanna be annoyed the next 6 months...and apparently from what she says...i piss her off too witch i have no idea what i have done since i walk on eggshells around her.

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long!

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Posted by angl2001

i think at this point i am more worried about us bickering more and more and its gonna get to me really bad i am also worried about her financial situation but i think its more that i dont wanna be annoyed the next 6 months...and apparently from what she says...i piss her off too witch i have no idea what i have done since i walk on eggshells around her.

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If she is going to bring more stress that you don 't need as it gets closer and you don't care what she feels if you kick her out then I would say just do it. You will probably feel a lot better and not have so much stress. It kinda seems like you are leaning towards kicking her out. There is no need for the extra stress which seems like she will put on you. She is probably jealous of you and that is why you piss her off. It looks like she will stress you out on your wedding day. I would just tell her you don't want to be a financial burden on her and if she needs to step down you will not be upset. Go the nice way first and then if you have to get nasty just do it. haha Not that you want to. I hope all of this makes sense. I kinda went all over the place. haha

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

i really don't think it's fair to you to have someone in the BP that brings you such stress. just fast foward to the wedding day. is this person going to help bring you happiness or bring you grief and stress on your wedding day? you need to make sure that you're not going to be stressed out by someone else's petty nonsense on your big day.

i would consider all the pros and cons to having her remain in the bridal party. including whether or not the friendship will survive (if desired) if you ask her not to be in the bridal party.

remember - some friendships are not forever. sometimes big events and high stress situations tend to bring out what really is the truth.

good luck sweetie!!

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

the thing is i kow she will do alot of things to help...it is just the attitude and childish crap thats gonna get to me!! i am so confuseddddddddd

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

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Posted by davenjess

honest opinion time & i know that's what you want.

i voted other...i wanted to do this with Dave's sister but didn't - as i was afraid of his mom's reaction...

i would sit her down & talk to her. Explain to her that you don't want to put her out & make things financially harder for her.....so you are asking her to be 100% sure she wants to be in the bridal party. You don't want her to resent you for the decision you made to ask her.

You need to express sincerely to her that you will not be offended and you'd be honored if she'd take on another role at the wedding or something along those lines. Also - tell her that you would like to give her a few days to think about it....so she doesn't have to tell you immediately...

I think this would be your best option - as this is frustration that isn't fair for you to have to deal with.

At that point - she can say no & bow out gracefully but if she insists....then she's in and it's her issue.

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I agree....let her know you understand the financial issues she's facing and give her the option of staying or leaving. Have you picked out a dress? Have you decided if your girls are getting their hair and make up done as well? What about shoes and jewelry? If you've decided that your girls will be paying for all of that, let her know up front so she doesn't back out when it's too late. After you're up front with her about the costs, if SHE decides to stay.....completely ignore any whining she may bring later on because it was her choice.

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

I agree with what davenjess said, I think you really need to sit down, don't walk on eggshells, and have a heart to heart with her. Say what you need to say, but in a nice diplomatic way. Don't kick her out, but give her the opportunity to back out without guilt.

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

honestly, I think kicking her out would make things messy...it seems like you want to kick her out because of her personality (which I understand, you don't want to have to work with people that you have trouble getting along with), but it's hard to kick someone out of your party over their personality as compared to kicking them out over something in particular that happened (like if she insulted you or FH, she can't afford the BM dress, etc.) because if you had a specific reason, you could explain that to her as your kicking her out..whereas now, if she asks you why you are kicking her out, you'd have no real reason, know what I mean? The only way you could pull this off easily is if something in particular happens....

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

thanks ladies

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

anyone else have any input?? 15 hits on the poll and over 100 views thought id get more advice! thanks
i am just hurting so bad over this. its really eating at me!

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

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Posted by angl2001

anyone else have any input?? 15 hits on the poll and over 100 views thought id get more advice! thanks
i am just hurting so bad over this. its really eating at me!

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i just wanted to post again and say hi this time!

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

I voted for keep her in, it will blow over...

I DO NOT think you should walk on egg shells around her. It would be benefitial to sit her down and talk to her. Let her know that you are concerned.

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

sending FM

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

OK awaiting it! :)

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

sending FM

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

thanks ladies

Re: First BM drama..my head hurts.........sorry so long! with poll!

i fell like im gonna puke! everytime i start to get over this fight we are in she makes me mad again...its weird that all the blogs she has on myspace and seem to be complaining about someone i am blocked from...weird huh???
I am just getting so sick of it all...and i refuse to dao anything about it till after Jeris wedding on saturday!! i hate holding things in!
UGH!