sticky situation...

I went with my bridesmaids several months ago to try on gowns. One of my bridesmaids ordered her gown in a size that she said would be just right if she loses some weight. AT the time, she was totally confident she would lose the weight. Now its a few months later and as it turns out, she gained 10-15lbs and is not confident she will be able to fit into the gown unless she loses weight. The gown place said there are ways they could accommodate like add fabric, etc. but they suggested she lose as much weight as she can so that adding fabric is still feasible solution.

I was VERY understanding when she told me the situation and she said she would do all she could to lose the weight. I told her she should focus on the bigger picture like being healthy and doing it for her own self, not just for a gown. In any case, since then, every time I have seen her she ate things that were really unhealthy. I don't even know what to say at this point. I was really understanding when she said she was going to try and I told her that everyone gains weight this time of year- myself included! but every time I saw her since then, she ate high fat/calorie foods which leads me to believe she really isn't trying like she said she was going to. What do you ladies suggest I do? I don't want to be like the food police or anything but honestly I don't want her not to be able to fit into the gown and have to get another one last minute. Not to be superficial but I wanted all my BMs in the same gown!!!! It's a tough situation so I'm reaching out to you ladies........

Re: sticky situation...

It is definitely a tough situation. I wish you had posted this before you ordered her gown. One of my bm's had said she was planning on losing 20lbs too b4 the wedding but we still ordered her dress according to her size at the time of the fitting. It is always easier to take a dress in then too take it out.
There is really nothing you can say to her about what she eats without offending her. Do you live near each other? Maybe you can call her up and plan a workout schedule together. Make it seem like you need a buddy to keep you motivated at the gym.

Good luck! HTH

ETA: PS...that bm who said she was going to lose 20 lbs hasn't lost any weight.

Re: sticky situation...

Definitely a sticky situation!

I honestly don't think you can really say something without offending your friend. Let's just hope that she does what she needs to do to fit into the dress, otherwise I am sure that she will be more upset about it than you will!

Re: sticky situation...

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Posted by Princess Cut Bride

It is definitely a tough situation. I wish you had posted this before you ordered her gown. One of my bm's had said she was planning on losing 20lbs too b4 the wedding but we still ordered her dress according to her size at the time of the fitting. It is always easier to take a dress in then too take it out.
There is really nothing you can say to her about what she eats without offending her. Do you live near each other? Maybe you can call her up and plan a workout schedule together. Make it seem like you need a buddy to keep you motivated at the gym.

Good luck! HTH

ETA: PS...that bm who said she was going to lose 20 lbs hasn't lost any weight.

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Thanks for the advice because it would actually be true. I could definitely use a gym buddy! Unfortunately though she lives like 2hrs away

I think it's hard since weddings are planned so far in advance! If someone told our BMs that the wedding was in 6 weeks and are ordering the gowns today, for example....... they would have a more realistic view of what they will look like. It's so hard ordering a gown like 9 months in advance!

Re: sticky situation...

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Posted by hayleyandsteve

Definitely a sticky situation!

I honestly don't think you can really say something without offending your friend. Let's just hope that she does what she needs to do to fit into the dress, otherwise I am sure that she will be more upset about it than you will!

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You're right about her being more upset than I will.......... I really shouldn't take on her problem as my own, I just really want all the girls in the same gown but I don't want to sound superficial or selfish! I know this may sound corny but I only want to promote positive body views and I don't want my wedding to be a source of stress! We still have several months to go

Re: sticky situation...

Something similar happened with one of my BM's. We went together to order her BM dress about 9 or 10 months before the wedding, and she was between sizes so she ordered the smaller size, saying she'd lose the 10-15 pounds to comfortably fit into the dress. Well, as time was passing, she wasn't losing the weight, and a few months before the wedding, she told me the dress still didn't fit. She asked me if she should order another dress in the right size, and I told her to do what she thought would be best. Well for some reason, I guess she realized it was crunch time and she would be letting me down if she didn't fit into the dress, so she got serious and lost enough to fit into the dress, and although it was a little tight on her, she was able to zip it all the way and move around in it comfortably.
So that being said, there isn't much you can do to get her to lose the weight... just be as supportive as you can... and all you can do is hope that in the few months before the wedding, she'll do it on her own. Try not to even think about it, it really is her problem to make sure the dress fits, not yours, and if it doesn't fit she'll have to be the one to worry about having it altered.
Hopefully it'll all work out, you're right it's a tough situation.

Re: sticky situation...

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Posted by queenbean

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Posted by Princess Cut Bride

It is definitely a tough situation. I wish you had posted this before you ordered her gown. One of my bm's had said she was planning on losing 20lbs too b4 the wedding but we still ordered her dress according to her size at the time of the fitting. It is always easier to take a dress in then too take it out.
There is really nothing you can say to her about what she eats without offending her. Do you live near each other? Maybe you can call her up and plan a workout schedule together. Make it seem like you need a buddy to keep you motivated at the gym.

Good luck! HTH

ETA: PS...that bm who said she was going to lose 20 lbs hasn't lost any weight.

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Thanks for the advice because it would actually be true. I could definitely use a gym buddy! Unfortunately though she lives like 2hrs away

I think it's hard since weddings are planned so far in advance! If someone told our BMs that the wedding was in 6 weeks and are ordering the gowns today, for example....... they would have a more realistic view of what they will look like. It's so hard ordering a gown like 9 months in advance!

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Awww...that sux that she lives 2 hrs away...it would have been perfect.
Have the girls gone for their 1st fitting yet? Maybe once she sees the dress on she will get herself in gear.

Re: sticky situation...

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Posted by drpepper318

Something similar happened with one of my BM's. We went together to order her BM dress about 9 or 10 months before the wedding, and she was between sizes so she ordered the smaller size, saying she'd lose the 10-15 pounds to comfortably fit into the dress. Well, as time was passing, she wasn't losing the weight, and a few months before the wedding, she told me the dress still didn't fit. She asked me if she should order another dress in the right size, and I told her to do what she thought would be best. Well for some reason, I guess she realized it was crunch time and she would be letting me down if she didn't fit into the dress, so she got serious and lost enough to fit into the dress, and although it was a little tight on her, she was able to zip it all the way and move around in it comfortably.
So that being said, there isn't much you can do to get her to lose the weight... just be as supportive as you can... and all you can do is hope that in the few months before the wedding, she'll do it on her own. Try not to even think about it, it really is her problem to make sure the dress fits, not yours, and if it doesn't fit she'll have to be the one to worry about having it altered.
Hopefully it'll all work out, you're right it's a tough situation.

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Thanks for sharing, the situation really is almost identical. I'm going to be as supportive as I can but you're right, this isn't MY problem. I just hope she will get motivated to lose the weight, not just for the gown but for herself and for all the health benefits. I'm glad in the end it worked out for your BM!!

Re: sticky situation...

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Posted by Princess Cut Bride

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Posted by queenbean

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Posted by Princess Cut Bride

It is definitely a tough situation. I wish you had posted this before you ordered her gown. One of my bm's had said she was planning on losing 20lbs too b4 the wedding but we still ordered her dress according to her size at the time of the fitting. It is always easier to take a dress in then too take it out.
There is really nothing you can say to her about what she eats without offending her. Do you live near each other? Maybe you can call her up and plan a workout schedule together. Make it seem like you need a buddy to keep you motivated at the gym.

Good luck! HTH

ETA: PS...that bm who said she was going to lose 20 lbs hasn't lost any weight.

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Thanks for the advice because it would actually be true. I could definitely use a gym buddy! Unfortunately though she lives like 2hrs away

I think it's hard since weddings are planned so far in advance! If someone told our BMs that the wedding was in 6 weeks and are ordering the gowns today, for example....... they would have a more realistic view of what they will look like. It's so hard ordering a gown like 9 months in advance!

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Awww...that sux that she lives 2 hrs away...it would have been perfect.
Have the girls gone for their 1st fitting yet? Maybe once she sees the dress on she will get herself in gear.

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The gowns will come in sometime in March. The gown place said they will call me as soon as they have them! You're right though, should def help, its just that will only leave her 2 months. I hope that will be enough time!

Re: sticky situation...

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Posted by queenbean

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Posted by drpepper318

Something similar happened with one of my BM's. We went together to order her BM dress about 9 or 10 months before the wedding, and she was between sizes so she ordered the smaller size, saying she'd lose the 10-15 pounds to comfortably fit into the dress. Well, as time was passing, she wasn't losing the weight, and a few months before the wedding, she told me the dress still didn't fit. She asked me if she should order another dress in the right size, and I told her to do what she thought would be best. Well for some reason, I guess she realized it was crunch time and she would be letting me down if she didn't fit into the dress, so she got serious and lost enough to fit into the dress, and although it was a little tight on her, she was able to zip it all the way and move around in it comfortably.
So that being said, there isn't much you can do to get her to lose the weight... just be as supportive as you can... and all you can do is hope that in the few months before the wedding, she'll do it on her own. Try not to even think about it, it really is her problem to make sure the dress fits, not yours, and if it doesn't fit she'll have to be the one to worry about having it altered.
Hopefully it'll all work out, you're right it's a tough situation.

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Thanks for sharing, the situation really is almost identical. I'm going to be as supportive as I can but you're right, this isn't MY problem. I just hope she will get motivated to lose the weight, not just for the gown but for herself and for all the health benefits. I'm glad in the end it worked out for your BM!!

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Thanks. Definitely let her worry about it, you have enough things on your mind!
Best of luck!

Re: sticky situation...

You can't say anything to her about what she eats. You just can't. You asked her to be in your bridal party because you love her, and you don't embarrass the ones you love by nitpicking when they eat junk food. She'll do what she needs to do to get into that dress - either lose the weight quickly or pay for expensive alterations to make it bigger. Let her handle it.

Re: sticky situation...

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Posted by queenbean

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Posted by Princess Cut Bride

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Posted by queenbean

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Posted by Princess Cut Bride

It is definitely a tough situation. I wish you had posted this before you ordered her gown. One of my bm's had said she was planning on losing 20lbs too b4 the wedding but we still ordered her dress according to her size at the time of the fitting. It is always easier to take a dress in then too take it out.
There is really nothing you can say to her about what she eats without offending her. Do you live near each other? Maybe you can call her up and plan a workout schedule together. Make it seem like you need a buddy to keep you motivated at the gym.

Good luck! HTH

ETA: PS...that bm who said she was going to lose 20 lbs hasn't lost any weight.

---

Thanks for the advice because it would actually be true. I could definitely use a gym buddy! Unfortunately though she lives like 2hrs away

I think it's hard since weddings are planned so far in advance! If someone told our BMs that the wedding was in 6 weeks and are ordering the gowns today, for example....... they would have a more realistic view of what they will look like. It's so hard ordering a gown like 9 months in advance!

---

Awww...that sux that she lives 2 hrs away...it would have been perfect.
Have the girls gone for their 1st fitting yet? Maybe once she sees the dress on she will get herself in gear.

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The gowns will come in sometime in March. The gown place said they will call me as soon as they have them! You're right though, should def help, its just that will only leave her 2 months. I hope that will be enough time!

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I'm sure she will lose some weight...even if it's not 20 lbs. The seamstress can take the dress out a little if she has to (there is always some material at the seams...without having to add fabric). I hope everything works out!

Re: sticky situation...

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Posted by DavaDay

You can't say anything to her about what she eats. You just can't. You asked her to be in your bridal party because you love her, and you don't embarrass the ones you love by nitpicking when they eat junk food. She'll do what she needs to do to get into that dress - either lose the weight quickly or pay for expensive alterations to make it bigger. Let her handle it.

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You're right... everyone who is saying its her problem and not mine is right. You're right that I can't say anything about the things she eats etc, and I would never do that. I just wasn't sure how to go about if she in fact is unable to comfortably wear the gown, but I will take care of that if or when the time comes, but hopefully it will work out!

Re: sticky situation...

I agree with what all the other girls have posted above ...

Also wanted to add a suggestion of a way you could probably help in your own little way ... and it might not even be that noticeable ...

When you get together with her over the next few months, try to make the plans don't involved eating out. Do other things together ... like going shopping, etc. Sometimes it is hard to eat healthy around other people, and it can also be hard to eat out and make good choices.

You can't help what choices she makes, and you can't really say anything to her about it, but you can try to help minimize some of the temptation ...

Re: sticky situation...

Agree.. let her worry about it.. she will be embarrassed enough if she doesnt lose it, let alone to have you say something..

Just remember, you are starting a marriage with your hubby, don't worry if a few pics has a friend of yours not looking so flattering.

Its an understandable concern. but the day will be perfect, try not to worry too much about it

Re: sticky situation...

I wish I had friends like you girls!!!! my friends tell me all the time to stop eating craap ( not that I am huge but 5'10' isnt exactly danty)

I agree that you can not demand her going on a diet, but Im going to go against the grain here with everyone..... she was the one who told you that she was going to loose weight.. im sorry but If I told my friend I would loose 20 lbs for something for her, they would be on me like white on rice... if she is your friend she will understand why you are saying something to her...

maybe not talk to her while she is puttin mcd's in her mouth but pull her aside and say ' listen I know YOU told ME that you want to loose weight so why dont we really put this im motion.'

people slip off the wagon alot when it comes to diets, and that is why we need our friends to smack us around a little to make sure we do stay in those guidelines.... my whole point here is that she was the one who told you she was going to loose weight, not you demanding her that in order to be in your wedding she has to loose it... I would talk to her straight out and be a friend about it

Re: sticky situation...

Another bride had the same situation with her MOH actually. But instead of being realistic and saying she might lose 10-15 lbs before the wedding, she said she would lose 50+ lbs in a matter of a few months. She insisted that she needs to get a much smaller size, but the bride didn't give in. The wedding is very soon and the dress she got in the original size fits just right. If you suggested that she get the bigger size and she didn't listen now its really on her. She still has some time, but it might be better to gently remind her that it's time to take care of herself, rather than appease her insecurities. I know its a very sensitive subject. I had to have that conversation with someone as well, but in the end you're doing her a favor, just do it gently and with a lot of sensitivity.

Re: sticky situation...

that is a sticky situation, sometimes honesty is best policy...her alterations will cost her a fortune to add fabric!

Re: sticky situation...

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Posted by PreshusSmurf

I agree with what all the other girls have posted above ...

Also wanted to add a suggestion of a way you could probably help in your own little way ... and it might not even be that noticeable ...

When you get together with her over the next few months, try to make the plans don't involved eating out. Do other things together ... like going shopping, etc. Sometimes it is hard to eat healthy around other people, and it can also be hard to eat out and make good choices.

You can't help what choices she makes, and you can't really say anything to her about it, but you can try to help minimize some of the temptation ...

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Thanks, that's a good suggestion. I also must say I love your icon

Re: sticky situation...

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Posted by cammolax23

I wish I had friends like you girls!!!! my friends tell me all the time to stop eating craap ( not that I am huge but 5'10' isnt exactly danty)

I agree that you can not demand her going on a diet, but Im going to go against the grain here with everyone..... she was the one who told you that she was going to loose weight.. im sorry but If I told my friend I would loose 20 lbs for something for her, they would be on me like white on rice... if she is your friend she will understand why you are saying something to her...

maybe not talk to her while she is puttin mcd's in her mouth but pull her aside and say ' listen I know YOU told ME that you want to loose weight so why dont we really put this im motion.'

people slip off the wagon alot when it comes to diets, and that is why we need our friends to smack us around a little to make sure we do stay in those guidelines.... my whole point here is that she was the one who told you she was going to loose weight, not you demanding her that in order to be in your wedding she has to loose it... I would talk to her straight out and be a friend about it

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Thanks for taking on a different perspective. Another one of the girls here suggested waiting till the fitting and then she will see for herself that she has tot stay on target, etc. I have to say I would feel bad taking a firm stance on her weight loss because I feel like that's a very personal thing and if she is anything like me, she will be more inclined to eat crappy foods when other people say not to (I always do the opposite of what people say haha) Anyway I agree with talking to her straight out about it.