Asking parents for money for wedding...

Did anyone ASK their parents? For those paying on your own, was it just not an option? We were all along paying for it ourselves...My mom offered us $5-6K from her 401k , I said we would take it and then pay it back( my decision) as much as we could till it was done ( I dont want to take her retirement money!)

Now me and my Dad are not so close..he had 8 kids( just me by mom) and he paid a "little" for the rest, a LOT for 2 of them...he is retired now but with two pensions, and some small income jobs....Do I ask him? What do I say? Do I not bother the embarassment of a no?
I dont know what to do...FH says ask him, even if he gives $500, its money and we really need a little help?

Any advice?

TIA!!!!!

Re: Asking parents for money for wedding...

I didn't ask my dad because I was dreading asking so much...But when he asked to invite some of his friends, I said he would have to offer $, and told him how much the costs were. He then offered a little...I felt so guilty asking my parents when I know how much they have spent on me throughout my life. I budgeted based on what I could afford, and anything they offered was just a bonus (that said, my mom was sooo generous, and doesn't have much so I told her I wouldn't take her $--I know she would give and do anything to see me happy but I couldn't live with myself taking her $). Good luck, you know him and how you feel approaching him better than any of us...

Re: Asking parents for money for wedding...

i didn't flat out ask, but once we started to plan, numbers started flying around. at one point i did ask how much we should budget, and a number was set.

i would be careful withdrawing $$ from a 401K, make sure you check all the associated penalty fees. if i wasn't close with my parents, i wouldn't feel comfortable asking them for anything.

Re: Asking parents for money for wedding...

Why don't you try by mentioning costs of the wedding and hope that he offers up some money. I personally wouldn't bother being discreet, I would just ask if he was going to contribute or not. I wouldn't put him under any pressure and just hope for the best. Sorry, I don't know how helpful I was, but that's how I would handle it.

Re: Asking parents for money for wedding...

I say ask your dad - you are his daughter just like the others. You never know what he will give and even like you said if its $500 - that will help. I am sure he will be anticipating you asking soon dont you think?

I asked my mom, who I am close to. I knew even before I had a boyfriend shed be paying for my dress, and all that goes along with my attire. When I approached her for more $, she said shed be able to give me another $500 a few months before the wedding which is much better than nothing. We are greatful for this! Seeing as how she and my sister are paying for my shower as well.

As for my dad (parents are divorced too) I asked him and it was a little weird. We are close but not as close as I am to my mom. He told me that he didnt think I would ask him because he paid for both of his weddings himself and he never asked his parents for help. I dont know if any of this is true but he did give us $1000 and said he cant give anymore. I understand because I do have a 7 year old half brother.

So we are paying for 85% of the wedding ourselves!

Re: Asking parents for money for wedding...

Be careful taking money out of 401(k). There are significant penalties and tax consequences for doing that. It may not be worth it for her to dip into it.

Re: Asking parents for money for wedding...

I didn't ask my parents for anything. I don't speak to my dad and he is not invited so obviously I won't ask him for money. My mom doesn't have any extra money so I didn't ask her either. She did offer to pay for my dress though so I let her do that. We are paying for everything else ourselves.

Re: Asking parents for money for wedding...

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Posted by kel2004

Be careful taking money out of 401(k). There are significant penalties and tax consequences for doing that. It may not be worth it for her to dip into it.

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Re: Asking parents for money for wedding...

Do you talk to your dad about the plans at all? Maybe mention something, like video for example, and say how you are cutting it close with money but you really want the video, ask him if he will be able to help with that. It might be easier than saying "Can I have some money"

Re: Asking parents for money for wedding...

I was always raised with my dad complaining how he had to girls so he was going to be broke when our weddings came around so luckily I didnt have to ask.

Re: Asking parents for money for wedding...

I would ask, the worse thing he can do is say no. Let him know how much you estimate the cost to be and ask if there is anything he can do to help out. That way, the ball is then in his court. He can offer some or none; it is up to him.

Re: Asking parents for money for wedding...

When we began seriously planning parents said that they would like to contribute as much as they could. They wrote us a check for as much as they could afford and told us to use it for whatever we want (if we wanted to elope we could use it for a down payment on a house). The rest we are going to cover.

My FH family has offered nothing.

Re: Asking parents for money for wedding...

I know what you are going through - I went through the same thing when deciding whether or not to ask my dad. It was really hard and it took an emotional toll on me, but in the end I decided to just go for it. The worst he could say is no - you never know what the answer is unless you ask. Put all your fears and what ifs aside and go for it!

Re: Asking parents for money for wedding...

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Posted by hbradio

I know what you are going through - I went through the same thing when deciding whether or not to ask my dad. It was really hard and it took an emotional toll on me, but in the end I decided to just go for it. The worst he could say is no - you never know what the answer is unless you ask. Put all your fears and what ifs aside and go for it!

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Re: Asking parents for money for wedding...

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Posted by dm24angel

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Posted by hbradio

I know what you are going through - I went through the same thing when deciding whether or not to ask my dad. It was really hard and it took an emotional toll on me, but in the end I decided to just go for it. The worst he could say is no - you never know what the answer is unless you ask. Put all your fears and what ifs aside and go for it!

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Aww...Thanks!

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