Personal-Housing situation

Well Ladies, I have not been to upfront with you all. I have been posting for a while and the majority of you have been really cool, but I am going through a situation right now that has been so great.
I live in a homeless shelter. I have been engaged for over three years and I have been planning fo rthis wedding even before that. I always knew that I would some kind of reception. Even if it was ghetto-fabulous, it was going to be my party and we were going to celebrate our wedding day.
Due to the situation, my FH thinks that we should not spend the money that we have on a wedding recption (even though he wants a reception almost as bad as I do). We have the money for the reception, but we do not have a place to live.
I feel that I do need some kind of enjoyment in my life and planning this wedding has been fun and overwhelming. The prices are very high as we all know, but I think we will probably do the whole KofC thing because that is all we can afford. We cannot afford the whole banquet hall thing unless we plan to have it during the week in the afternoon a week in advance.
I really do not know what to do. I guess I am not your typical "homeless" person. I've been working since we have entered the shelter system and I am getting my master's degree this December. I am not some bum from the street. When I tell somebody that we live in a shelter, they are surprised.
I really do not know what to tell vendors, either. Do I say we live in a shelter? Will they give us more of a break knowing our situation? I cried myself to sleep the other day because I feel like my pride is shot. I would love to go to GTG wiht the ladies on theknot and I can't. I feel like crap. Like, what am I supposed to tell these ladies where I live. I look at the pics fromthe GTG's and I so wish I could go and brag about wedding details.
I do not know why but I had to come out and tell you ladies. I do not need sympathy, just some sort of direction as to what should I do about this wedding. I mean, I have plans, but sometimes I think they are not gonna come into fruition. I am tired of waiting to get married, but I do want something memorable with our family and friends.

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Have you thought about having a reception later when you can afford what you want?

It sounds like it would be smarter to have a place to live first and know that you are secure. Then once you have your money saved, you can plan your reception.

JMO.

Re: Personal-Housing situation

ok, if you and your fh want a reception, DO IT!!!! you can have it at the KofC like u said ... it won't cost that much. and you don't have to go all out w/ vendors and booking everything.
try visitng and talking w/ some vendors ... if you get a good feeling from them, tell them youre situation ... i believe there are good people in this world, people who want to help, and i bet you'd be surprised at what some of them might offer to you and your fh.
as for the living situation ... you are working and do have some $$ ... you're right, you do need to enjoy things in life ... and you both deserve to have 'the day' but weigh your options as well. work out the $$ from your jobs and what you have saved. depending on the amount of gifts you get at the wedding, you may be able to get yourselves out of the shelter system.
i hope that helps ...

Re: Personal-Housing situation

How much $$ do you have? Is your credit good? If so I would buy a house using that $$ as your down payment then have a wedding in your backyard. There is plenty of help out there for prople in your situation. What about Habitat for Humanity? Look into thigs offered by the state and the county you live in. Call HUD and find out if they can get you a property.

Re: Personal-Housing situation

So do both of you live in a shelter?
How are you managing your daily lives?
Do you have a job? Can you afford to move to an apartment and then save up for a wedding when your situation is more stable?
It sounds you are trying to make strides for a better life. Good luck.

Re: Personal-Housing situation

I think it's brave of you to share this with us.

About your situation, I was home sick last week and saw this financial expert Suze Orman I think on the Jane Pauley show. She was talking to a couple that was very in debt but were planning an elaborate wedding. She suggested that they use the money they were going to spend on the wedding as a downpayment on a house. She said they should have a small reception at their new house to celebrate their marriage and it would be great for friends and family to bring gifts to help furnish the house. And she said that a few years down the line when they are more finacially stable that they can have the elaborate reception they had dreamed of with a vow renewal.

I think this is a really good idea and have been contemplating it myself. I think it's important to get stable rather than fall further behind. But it is obvoulsy your choice. What is the most important thing to you right now? Would you be happier with a home or having a wedding?

Good luck with everything!

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Whew, I thought I was going to so get flamed for writing what I wrote.
I do not make a lot and FH has not worked in like 4 months, but is getting his security licenses now. HE actually is getting a few job offers cuz people like his demeanor (and he's a big guy). Well, me myself have about $10,000 saved. FH is very secretive about money and I know he has way more than me saved. Of course, I have debt-school loans, but I have 30 years to pay that and since i ma in school now, I do not worry about that. I have not thought about buying a house since I can barely afford an apartment. That is why we are in this situation. All three of us live in the shelter.

Re: Personal-Housing situation

you should never feel bad about something like that!! we love you

IMO you deserve a wedding and a reception- how about just doing a bbq or something like that? you can make it elegant without it costing $$$

fm me if you want ideas

Re: Personal-Housing situation

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Posted by Suzannebride

I think it's brave of you to share this with us.

About your situation, I was home sick last week and saw this financial expert Suze Orman I think on the Jane Pauley show. She was talking to a couple that was very in debt but were planning an elaborate wedding. She suggested that they use the money they were going to spend on the wedding as a downpayment on a house. She said they should have a small reception at their new house to celebrate their marriage and it would be great for friends and family to bring gifts to help furnish the house. And she said that a few years down the line when they are more finacially stable that they can have the elaborate reception they had dreamed of with a vow renewal.

I think this is a really good idea and have been contemplating it myself. I think it's important to get stable rather than fall further behind. But it is obvoulsy your choice. What is the most important thing to you right now? Would you be happier with a home or having a wedding?

Good luck with everything!

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Re: Personal-Housing situation

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Posted by arosa

Whew, I thought I was going to so get flamed for writing what I wrote.
I do not make a lot and FH has not worked in like 4 months, but is getting his security licenses now. HE actually is getting a few job offers cuz people like his demeanor (and he's a big guy). Well, me myself have about $10,000 saved. FH is very secretive about money and I know he has way more than me saved. Of course, I have debt-school loans, but I have 30 years to pay that and since i ma in school now, I do not worry about that. I have not thought about buying a house since I can barely afford an apartment. That is why we are in this situation. All three of us live in the shelter.

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Re: Personal-Housing situation

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Posted by aimerliny

Have you thought about having a reception later when you can afford what you want?

It sounds like it would be smarter to have a place to live first and know that you are secure. Then once you have your money saved, you can plan your reception.

JMO.

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Re: Personal-Housing situation

Being so close to obtaining your master's degree should be a help to you financially. Is your current place of employment going to promote you when you finish school? In my opinion, getting that degree should be top on your list of priorities. The money you have saved for the reception, is it enough to pay rent and security deposit for a small apartment? The way I see it, if you are living in your own place, your pride can be restored, you can study better, finish school and get that dream job.

Re: Personal-Housing situation

If you can't afford an apartment, even a 1 bedroom somewhere safe, how can you be planning a wedding. Where are your priorities? You have a child, think of that first. When you have a child, the child comes first. Put a roof over his head first, then plan your reception. Go to the justice of the peace and get married. Have the reception later. I wish you luck.

Re: Personal-Housing situation

You have more $$ than me!! We own a house. We bought a house in Islandia about two years ago for 290,000. The mortgage was about 1800 a month. The house is now worth about 420. I know there are foreclosures around here and a bunch of houses that need repairs and are probably in the 2's. If you are at all handy you could look into this neighborhood and see if there's anything you can afford. Heres some searches for affordable housing on LI.
Long Island Housing Partnership
HUD

Re: Personal-Housing situation

I forgot to add.... Best of luck, I know everything will work out for you!!!

Re: Personal-Housing situation

It's very brave of you to tell us - but it's ok. Things happen - even to good people

You do have to do things to make yourself happy.... but IMO, being a home owner is more important then a huge wedding! As some of the other girls mentioned, buy your home and have a small intimate gathering in your new backyard and then 5 or so years later, have the elaborate reception you dream of.

Having a home is something to be proud of... having someone to share it with you is wonderful, but you don't need to share the same last name for the 2 of you to live comfortably in your own home.

Re: Personal-Housing situation

First and foremost I just wanted to say that it took a lot of guts to share your situation with us. I truly do commend you for that.

I hope you dont take this wrong, but I would seriously consider having a good long talk with your FH. You mentioned he was very secretive about the money he has, and that's not really a good sign. If your in this together, than money should be no issue between either of you.

With that said, I would consider finding an apartment for you guys to live in. If you really have your heart set on a wedding, I would suggest you get married at city hall or something, and maybe ask a relative to "host" a small reception at their house. Later on the down the line when finances are available, you can have your dream wedding and not have to sell yourself short of the things you truly want your wedding to be. I wish you the best of luck, and we are always here when you need us!

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Please never be ashamed. WE all have our crosses to bear in this world, and only people that would judge you should feel ashamed.

I too think you need to have a money heart to heart with FH. from what it sounds like, you have enough money saved to find an apt. for a few months while you are finishing up school and looking for a new (and higher paying) job.

what is your master's going to be in. this is a website for federal government jobs. check it out and see if anything looks interesting.

we are here to help!! http://www.usajobs.opm.gov/

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Wow, you ladies are resourceful and I am taking all of your words of advice into consideration. I am looking into all the websites. Thank you!!

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Don't feel ashamed about living in a shelter. I applaud you. It takes a lot of guts to admit to something like that. I'm sure everything will work out for the best.

Re: Personal-Housing situation

thanks for sharing your story and i know it took alot of integrity to get that out.

this may be unsolicited advice but have you considered using your savings to afford an apartment? that will help with your addres issue and where you live issue.

as for the big wedding, yes we all want one but its important to get on your feet financially first. it will help your physical as well as your mental state if you can live on your own.

there is nothing wrong with having a wedding in the k of c but there are plenty of options for you like weddings during the week or on fridays or sundays.

but save the wedding plans for when you can actually afford it.

please dont put yourself into further debt. your personal financial issues are more important.

also - does fh live with you at the shelter? do you have family you can live with? friends that can let you rent a room discounted?

Re: Personal-Housing situation

meant to edit above and posted another by accident.

Message edited 5/10/2005 4:30:07 PM.

Re: Personal-Housing situation

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Posted by divabride

First and foremost I just wanted to say that it took a lot of guts to share your situation with us. I truly do commend you for that.

I hope you dont take this wrong, but I would seriously consider having a good long talk with your FH. You mentioned he was very secretive about the money he has, and that's not really a good sign. If your in this together, than money should be no issue between either of you.

With that said, I would consider finding an apartment for you guys to live in. If you really have your heart set on a wedding, I would suggest you get married at city hall or something, and maybe ask a relative to "host" a small reception at their house. Later on the down the line when finances are available, you can have your dream wedding and not have to sell yourself short of the things you truly want your wedding to be. I wish you the best of luck, and we are always here when you need us!

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Message edited 5/11/2005 2:09:23 PM.

Re: Personal-Housing situation

It means so much to me that you shared that with us, and we're proud of you for it! Thank you for trusting us with your living situation. I think that you 2 have waited long enough and you need to have your wedding reception, bc you deserve it!!! You can have a fabulously beautiful wedding at a KoC and leave out all the extra stuff that really isn't necessary. Your wedding can be as grande or as small as you'd like it to be, the important thing is that you will be married to the man of your dreams. As far as vendors, if you want to share your story with them and hope for a discount go for it, I'm sure some will be able to give you a deal. And if not, then don't book 'em, you never have to see them again! Don't worry, nobody here thinks any less of you, we all have unfortunate circumstances that hinder that fantasy world we've created. It doesn't matter what kind of flowers you carry or who gives out the best favors, you don't need fancy invitations or a stretch limo. All that's required is true love between you and your intended; as long as you've got that then your wedding will be as gorgeous as any other!!! A lot of us are bargain shoppers and do-it-yourselfers to save a dime, so we'll def help you out with tips/ideas you need. Thanks again for filling us in, I really hope we helped and you feel better!!!!!!!!

Message edited 5/10/2005 4:47:31 PM.

Re: Personal-Housing situation

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Posted by Blu-ize

If you can't afford an apartment, even a 1 bedroom somewhere safe, how can you be planning a wedding. Where are your priorities? You have a child, think of that first. When you have a child, the child comes first. Put a roof over his head first, then plan your reception. Go to the justice of the peace and get married. Have the reception later. I wish you luck.

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