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Posted By

NEW I can't believe I'm writing this... (not a happy post)

Sara

Board Fanatic

MEMBER SINCE
6/01

331 TOTAL POSTS

WEDDING DATE
Dec 22 2001

WEDDING LOCATION
Shelter Rock Jewish Center

I posted a message a few days ago and mentioned (in addition to our financial woes) that my FH's father was diagnosed with cancer shortly after we were engaged. Well, we got bad news today. The cancer has spread and we are told he has anywhere from 6 months to 3 years to live. We are devastated. FH cant even speak to me or anyone at this point. I don't want to mention the wedding right now to him, but we won't be able to ignore the topic for long - we are supposed to be married on May 4th (and that's about 6 months from now...). Not that anyone has answers, but I'm torn about what to do! I will do anything to make everyone happy, and of course want to be absolutely sure that my future father in-law (whom I'm extremely close with) is at our wedding. I just feel like moving the wedding up (like to next month) is very pessimistic (although, this is reality). And if we do that, we need to decide if we'd do something small and simple with only immediate family, or try to go ahead with the affair we've planned (if we're lucky enough to change the date with the vendors) - at least to have an excuse to celebrate a happy occassion.... OR we can just stick with our plans/date and hope for the best (I personally believe that with everyone being positive around him that he'll survive longer). I can't believe I'm actually writing this! Sorry to vent ladies :-( FH is sleeping & it's too late to call anyone... Just needed a release ;-) Thanks for listening
 
 

POSTED 10/17/01 11:25 PM



Posted By

NEW I`m so sorry

Kel

Kel

It's An Obsession

MEMBER SINCE
2/01

3136 TOTAL POSTS

WEDDING DATE
9/30/2001 4:00 PM

WEDDING LOCATION
John Anthony's

This is certainly a tough time for you and the ones you love. I couldn`t even begin to imagine what you are going through. It`s good to try to stay positive, but it can be difficult with such news about someone you love so much. I really don`t have any answers, but maybe consider keeping the date you have no matter what happens, but also keep it in your plans to have something small and intimate if the situation should call for it. Talk to your priest and explain the situation. If you did have a small intimate gathering prior to your date, maybe consider renewing your vows on the date you had chosen, and still go on with your reception as planned. I`ll be hoping for the best.
 
 

POSTED 10/17/01 11:51 PM



Posted By

NEW I agree with Kel

leyann

Board Fanatic

MEMBER SINCE
4/01

278 TOTAL POSTS

WEDDING DATE
Sep 2 2001

WEDDING LOCATION

First I am so sorry to hear about your soon to be father in law. That is horrible. When your FI is able to talk to you, ask him if he wants to do a small ceremony now so his father will definately be there, then talk to his father about it. If you do, then keep the reception when it is and celebrate! Everyone will understand if you do it this way also. But I am sure it will be more important if his father is there also. A note on the side and I know this is not the best time but a suggestion, there is something called wedding insurance. If something does happen and you need to postphone the wedding, it covers everything. I think I saw it on the wedding channel. I know its not a pleasant thought at this time but it might be something to look into. Even if you get married now and have the reception in May and something happens, you can postphone it. Again, I am sorry about the news.
 
 
Posted By

NEW My sympathies

pepper102002

Board Enthusiast

MEMBER SINCE
10/01

180 TOTAL POSTS

WEDDING DATE
Oct 20 2002

WEDDING LOCATION

I am so sorry to hear about your future father in law. And feel for you during this time as well. It's good that you're using this message board to solicit outside advice as well as vent. I agree with the other posts, and definitely think when you feel the time is right, it might help to talk to both your fiancee and his father about their thoughts regarding the wedding plans. Don't feel badly about expressing your feelings to them they'll understand. Hope you feel better...keep us posted on how you're doing. My thoughts are with you.
 
 

POSTED 10/18/01 11:59 AM



Posted By

NEW My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

Cira

Cira

What if ... ?

MEMBER SINCE
8/01

3462 TOTAL POSTS

WEDDING DATE
6/23/2002 12:00 AM

WEDDING LOCATION
Westbury Manor

I'm so sorry - I feel like crying. I agree with everyone else - and I'm trying to think what I would do and I am completely clueless. But I do think that I would move it up if I had to. Wait to the initial shock starts to dwindle and try to talk it over with your FH - but if he is anything like mine, the wedding might be last thing on his mind right now. He is probably just trying to deal with the situation. And remember the four stages of grieving: Shock/Denial, Angry/Hostility, Sadness, and Acceptance. So, his mood may change - I just wanted to let you know and prepare. This site will explain it better: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/4424/losing.html
 
 

POSTED 10/18/01 12:37 PM



Posted By

NEW My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

yabbobay

yabbobay

Tolerance

MEMBER SINCE
5/01

14696 TOTAL POSTS

WEDDING DATE
7/14/2002 12:00 AM

WEDDING LOCATION

I think I would move it up...maybe its pessimistic, but I would not want to regret not doing it...a friend of mine's sunt was diagnosed with cancer and a short time to live and her cousin moved the ceremony up to include her mother...on their year anniversary they had a party/reception - maybe thats an option, but I think the decision should be made by your FH or his dad.
 
 
Posted By

NEW I can`t believe I`m writing this... (not a happy post)

Star

Wedding Newbie

MEMBER SINCE
2/01

22 TOTAL POSTS

WEDDING DATE
7/7/2001

WEDDING LOCATION
Chateau La Mer

I can empathize with you and your FI while going through this situation. My mother was diagnosed in 1998 with ovarian cancer, Stage IV. The cancer had progressed to her major organs and the doctors gave the statistics of 2% survival rate. We were optimistic while she underwent chemotherapy for two years. In April of this year her condition started to worsen. I didn't know what to do..since my wedding was scheduled for July 7. I had talks with my sister and everyone thought I should move the date up. I told my mom what I was doing and she was adimant about me keeping the scheduled date. She got feisty with me and said, "are you trying to say I'm not going to be here?" I didn't want to say that..but I wanted to make sure she was there and would be in good spirits. I prayed on the situation and kept the date. She kept a lot of her symptoms from me because she knew I was worrying. Believe it or not she made it to my wedding looking as beautiful as ever. She didn't feel too good at the wedding..but she was didn't let anyone know it. When I was away on honeymoon, she went into the hospital the day after I left. When I returned, I was told she was in the hospital and her condition worsened. She then passed away the following week, which was 2 weeks after my wedding. I can't believe how she JUST MADE IT to my wedding. I get misty just thinking of how strong she was to push herself to witness this day. I am depressed everyday. I don't know when I will be the same. Sorry for rambling on about this..but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. The doctors are usually off when determining the remaining lifespan of someone with terminal cancer. I would try and push the date up if possible..so your FFIL can witness this beautiful union when he isn't as drugged up from chemo or other medicines. Good Luck..I'm praying for you. Star
 
 
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