Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

Can you help me forsee any problems with letting all the BMs and the MOH choose any "simple black dress" that they like to wear for my wedding? I am really tempted to offer them this option since many of them have been BMs before and let's face it, no one ever really wears the BM dresses again.

Let me sum up my wedding so you can get a feel for whether or not it would be weird to not have matching dresses:
Mass at Catholic Church at 2PM on a Saturday in October
Cocktail reception (passed hor's d'ouevres and a few stations, open bar) from 3:30 - 7:30
5BMs and one MOH, about 80 guests (I know - a lot bigger bridal party than I need for 80 guests, but I love them!)
They would all carry the same bouquet, probably dark red roses.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I think it is a great idea!

My sister, "dawnie" has all heights, shapes and sizes in her bridal party, and we eached picked out our one balck dress.
Her wedding is Sunday, 03/30/03 at 3.30pm in a Catholic church, and her recption is at Flowerfield.
Everyone seems to be thrilled with the idea, and I am going to wear the dress again for my FH's friends wedding in April.

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I think it is a great idea!

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

Depending on how picky you are, you may also want to specify a fabric type, length, and some guidelines on sleeves to keep it a bit more contolled. I think all one length is especially important, followed by fabric type (perhaps no "shiny material", no beading, etc.) Also, if you feel passionately that there should be no strapless (catholic church wedding?) or anything else like that, you should let them know.

With some guidance, I think this could come out beautiful!!!

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I agree with Valenia on the material specs.

It sounds great, and with the right accessories and flowers I think you can tie it all together beautifully.

It def. makes sense, I know I would appreciate that option

Message edited 2/9/2003 9:56:39 AM.

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

Thanks you guys! Valenia, you bring up a good point - guidelines would help.

If I said:

no shiny material
no beading
no additional color (no black with white, etc.)
strapless (ok with me, but I have to ask my priest)

length no shorter than right below the knee to no longer than top of shoes

How does that sound? Am I being too restrictive or too open?

Thank you, thank you, thank you, and if anyone thinks this whole thing is a horrible idea I'd love to hear that too!

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

Well, she tried to get Jim Helm dresses of all same material, but it didn't work. Partially because I threw a temper tantrum that I couldn't fit in to a size 8 sample top, and the woman kept insisting that I show everone how I looked in it... So we now each have a unique style to ourselves, and each girl will look different from the next.

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I don't think you are being too restrictive at all. You are doing them a great service. I do think that for the photos you may want to get them all in the same length dress (top of shoes is my preference). This is what 90% would pick any way but it protects you from having just one girl with a shorter dress that would then really stand out in pictures...

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I saw someone who did this with yellow. She said get any dress you want but just get it in a shade of yellow. Each bridesmaid had their own unique look and it really looked beautiful.

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I say go for it, just let them know what length they should wear. I think they would really appreciate you letting them choose what they want to wear.

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I was in a wedding where the bride did this and I LOVED it and I have used the black dress a few more times since.

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I let my BMs each choose their own black dress for my wedding last year. I originally wanted them all to select a Nicole Miller dress in black, and most of them did, but there were two that could not afford it so I just asked them to find any floor length black dress that was black satin. I also chose a dark purple wrap from Nicole Miller that they all wore - and that made them look a bit more uniform during the ceremony - and they carried purple bouquets. They all looked beautiful and i know at least 3 of them have worn their dress since then. I also had many guests comment that they liked the fack that the girls were able to shoe their individuality and looked great in their dresses.

I wish I had a color picture to post but i'm not at home right now!

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

Sounds good to me. The only thing I think you might want to specify is length of the dresses.

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I am doing the exact same thing, so it is good to see I am not alone!!

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I think its a good idea too

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I think that is a great idea. You should definitley specify the legnth you want.

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I think that is very sweet of you to be so considerate...but here are the problems that an anal retentive person like me would have:

a) Blacks may not match exactly (some blacks have more gray in them then others)
b) Materials will have different sheen creating a mix mosh look in the photos
c) Level of formality may be interpretted differently by each person
d) Several of your BMs may pick a certain style dress and one may pick something completely different - so instead of chic eclectic, you get one person who stands out.

These concerns would drive me nuts - so if it were me I would pick a certain designer (Jim Hjelm, Wtoo, Nicole Miller, etc...), pick a black fabric (satin, duponi, taffeta, etc..) and THEN let them pick the design they most like.

That way they get a dress they can wear again, you get matching fabrics/colors/formality.

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I also think you should choose a designer and let them pick a dress from there. Same color (black) and same material.
I let my BMs pick different dresses, same color, same material. With black they can definately wear it again if you choose it.

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I did the same thing. I gave them all navy blue shawls and told them to find floor length, evening gowns to match (as closely as possible). My FSIL did the same with black and it looked great. I didn't think the different shades/materials really made a difference in the photos.

I would definitely be very specific about the length though. Otherwise, there might be too little uniformity...

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

we all got together and picked a "simple black dress" it was bought on line at www.bridesmade.com and was very inexpensive! they all wore their own shoes. I am so glad I had all black and white. My flowes were deep red, and theirs were deep red and white. good luck!

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Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

Jpsgirl - I love that dress! Who makes it?

Thanks you guys for all of your feedback!!

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

Here are my girls all in different black dresses with matching purple wraps. Hope this helps!

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Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I tried this with my bridesmaids... but it didn't work. I basically had to hold thier hands and pick out a dress for them... it was rediculous!

All I have to say is... GOOD LUCK!

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I love bride who let the girls pick out their own dresses and I think that is very cool of you. I think you should set a little more strict guidelines to prevent some mis-interpretation though. I think you should look at Stef's list and judge how important those things are to you before you make a decision. Many people will be bothered and many will not.

I let me BM's pick their own style but I picked color, mfg, and material...I do doubt they can wear them again (may have been too strict) but I think they all picked a dress that flattered them and made them feel good and to me that was more important then uniformity. I have to tell you..I thought them picking their own would make things easier but I still ran into some issues....it is hard to make everyone happy.

Be prepared for family to complain. A lot of people questioned me -how can you let them all wear different dresses (more traditional people)...it's annoying.

Message edited 2/11/2003 12:00:50 PM.

Re: Please help! "simple black dress" - letting the BMs and the MOH choose their own for the wedding

I think its a good idea, solves the problem of the girls not liking what you picked out