BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........Updated with what happened!

Ok,

6 months from today I will be getting married so I though a great way to kick it off would be going to the bridal shop and checking out all the dresses, etc. My FMIL is coming with mom and I - they have never met.

I need advice/prayers/kind words b/c I am not particularly fond of FMIL and my mom has heard all the horrible things his parents say/do to him and she can't stand her already.

I invited her b/c I thought it would be the right thing to do. However, his mom never says anything nice to us or about us. How do I make it through tonight without mom and I biting her head off - I'm so dreading it.

Any thoughts/hugs/prayers would be much appreciated.

~Deep River

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok - just got home from the shop a little while ago and I'm so upset. I walk out in my dress and my FMIL says nothing, not you look pretty, nice dress, NOTHING. Then she is looking at all the other brides there and saying how ugly all their dresses were!!!! I cannot believe her.

My mom was so mad and she kept saying to FMIL that I look so pretty etc, etc trying to get her to say something and the witch said NOTHING.

Then the whole ride there and home she talked about how horrible my FH is. My mom and I kept diagreeing with her saying how wonderful he is and she didn't want to hear it.

From this point on I have officially written her off. I wonder where my sweet, wonderful FH comes from?

I can't believe her.......ughhhhhhhhh

Message edited 5/8/2003 9:07:36 PM.

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........

Give her a chance and see how she does with you and Mom together. If you feel in any way she is rude or nasty, cut the evening short, bring her home, and go out again with your Mom, or go another night with just you and your Mom, It is a wonderful, but stressful thing looking for a dress, the last thing you need is added pressure from someone who does not need to be there.

Good Luck

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........

i am assuming that your mom is classy so she will probably hold her toungue no matter what your fmil says - just think of it as a comedy and enjoy all she says - you and your mother can laigh about it when she leaves!!!

good luck!

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........

I guess I would handle the situation by hoping that my reaching out to FMIL will be the start a fresh, new relationship. I would ask my mother to give FMIL a chance to redeem herself. Plus I am sure your mother has no plans on telling the women off right there in the bridal store.
I would ask them to go to lunch afterwards and try to discuss positives topics. Stay away from topics that cause fights in your in-law's family.
If she is a mean, nasty b__tch then you tried and can cut your loses BUT maybe your act of kindess will pay off.

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........

I bet fmil will be on her best behavior, and so will you mom. Just bite your tongue- you'll get through!

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........

My advice is this: hope for the best, expect the worst. If FMIL really acts out, don't be afraid to put her in her place (or let your mom do it)! She should know that there are boundaries that she can not cross and that she has to ALWAYS treat you with the respect you deserve.

I have no tolerance for MILs who don't know their place!

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........

Deep River-Chief will be thinking of you. I suspect that your FMIL will try to make a good first impression on your mother. See how things go...perhaps you'll be surprised!!

-Chief Sitting Bucket

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........

Inspired thinks you should go in with a positive attitude and try to let by gones be by gones. I will be thinking of you. Hugs and kisses

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........

I told my girlfriends that FMIL yelled at FH a few weeks back so she is being sweet as pie lately to try to make up for it - so pathetic. I'm sure she will be on her best behavior.

I have a sense of humor about her though - mom and I will just laugh it off and make fun of her after we drop her off

I'm sure all will go well but the first meeting is always a little nerve wrecking.

I told my bridesmaids that I would try to take a pic of FMIL and blow it up and use it as a dartboard for stress relief for myself and FH -

She better tell me I look beautiful when I walk out of that fitting room in my dress..........

You ladies are the best

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........

Shamma to you too!

I'll post tonight and let you all know how it goes!

Think positive, think positive ........

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........Updated with what happened!

I edited my first post to give you all the 411.

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........Updated with what happened!

Lori,

One you are BEAUTIFUL! So I am sure that you must have looked amazing!

This woman obviously has MANY issues! How could a mother trash her own son or why would she want to?

I know you are trying to do the right thing here, but she is 'raining on your parade', don't invite her to go along anymore. Just yes her to death on anything else and be thankful that your Mom is wonderful and supportive of you both.


After the wedding kick her in the shins many times!!!!!




Jamie

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........Updated with what happened!

Oh Lori, I think your FI is adopted, why would a mother speak so badly about her own son. Is she still with his dad?? Did she have a bad life, did she have a nice wedding, so many things could be behind her negative attitude, it is not for you to sort out tho' DOn't let her negative vibe steal your joy. She is probably mad that her son found such a lovely woman. I am sure you looked absolutely lovely in your dress. There are some people out there that are so negative and nothing can ever be good enough for them. Don't waste good energy on her. We love you

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........Updated with what happened!

PS I cannot wait to see you in your dress looking smashing, don't let her spoil this time for you and your FI, let her wallow in her own negativity. I hate negative people. They need to be put in a boat and sent out to sea.

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........Updated with what happened!

I knew I could count on you girls!

My mom and I were hysterical laughing at her - we started talking about her the second she shut the car door. My FMIL never ceases to amaze me.

She did say my dress "suited me". Whatever that means. Not to toot my own horn but that dress was made for me - it just looks so perfect on me, I love it. And my headpiece is more beautiful than I remembered.

Shamma - to answer your question his parents are still together. His father is worse than she is - Doom and Gloom

I have let it roll of b/c they have no say in the wedding. I am paying for it, they have not offered any help financially and more importantly emotionally.

It just bothers me the way my in-laws talk about their son. That is what hurts the most.

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........Updated with what happened!

two of a kind. gtet your man away from them quick

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........Updated with what happened!

October 13th he moves into the house we bought - it can't come soon enough Shamma.

I'm trying to be classy and do the right thing and keep my mouth shut - it is soooooo hard.

Hmmmmm - if I have a mouthful of molten I can




You have FM my dear Shamma

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........Updated with what happened!

So FI currently live with them?? OY vey How did he make it out in one piece??? I was just wondering if you ever check your Fm

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........Updated with what happened!

yes, he moved home so we could save money for the house. You know save money, lose your sanity. Even trade

He has been miserable since he moved back but they have been relentless lately.

I pray every day that the move in date comes quickly.

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........Updated with what happened!

I pray for you both. Poor guy

Re: BUCKETS!!! Deep River needs advice.........Updated with what happened!

Thanks for your prayers!

Hey, he has me - lucky guy. How could he ask for more