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Holiday stress...and other fun stuff
LIWeddings Archive Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM+
MEMBER SINCE: 12/69 TOTAL POSTS : 18488 WEDDING DATE: Dec 31, 1969
Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM bride-minus.png

Holiday stress...and other fun stuff

Hi Everyone...

Does anyone have a problem similar to mine? I'm getting married in July and experiencing my first real stress about where to go for the holidays. Thanksgiving was very tense this year...for the first time in five years both of our families chose to make it...usually it's just mine and he comes here and I go to his relatives for Christmas...he split his time between both (I was sick) and I was miserable...

He wants to combine the holidays once we are married, but our families are polite to each other, but not friends...it would be a source of misery for both....

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LIWeddings Archive Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM+
MEMBER SINCE: 12/69 TOTAL POSTS : 18488 WEDDING DATE: Dec 31, 1969
Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM bride-minus.png

Holiday stress...and other fun stuff

Jessica,

I just got married in September and am going through the same holiday planning process as you. We've decided to alternate each holiday with each family. That way we don't favor one side over the other and it's very clear as to where we're going ahead of time. For instance, we celebrated Thanksgiving with my family and now we'll go to his family for Christmas, etc. It's very hard compromising on each of our family traditions.

Hope this helps! Kathy

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LIWeddings Archive Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM+
MEMBER SINCE: 12/69 TOTAL POSTS : 18488 WEDDING DATE: Dec 31, 1969
Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM bride-minus.png

Holiday stress...and other fun stuff

Jessica:

That's a tough one, and I feel for you because I'm in the same boat. My family is VERY into tradition and I live by the "holiday rules" that dictate that you must go to Mom's for dinner, Grandma's for dessert, etc. The few times I've been my fiances for holidays its been uncomfortable and not worth the aggravation that follows. However I realize that once I'm married, his family will be mine and compromises must be made on both sides. I don't think your fiance's suggestion is a bad one because inevitably they'll be occasions where both families will have to get together (future childrens birthdays, barbeques, even your wedding). Why not try to have an ice-breaker style of occasion where everyone will get to know each other better? I'm sure it sounds easier than to do, but it would be worth it since both families will play significant roles in your lives together. My sister in law started years ago having a Christmas brunch for both families, that way everyone can do what they want for dinner and yet it gives all the opportunity to see their grandkids, brothers, mothers, fathers, sisters, grandparents, etc. for the holiday. At first it seemed that everyone hung out with their own family clique, but now its one of those "traditions" that everyone looks foward to and mingles at. Hope this helps and good luck to you!!

Sharon

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LIWeddings Archive Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM+
MEMBER SINCE: 12/69 TOTAL POSTS : 18488 WEDDING DATE: Dec 31, 1969
Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM bride-minus.png

Holiday stress...and other fun stuff

I understand as well. My situation is a bit more complicated by the fact that my fiancee's parents are divorced. This Thanksgiving, I had his mother and my parents come over. However, my fiancee wants his father and wife to come over next year for Thanksgiving. It's ok with me, but I would feel really bad for his mother, this is her only son and she is not remarried, at least his father has a wife and another son to share it with.

As for Christmas, my family is also very traditional and his mother has a circle of friends she likes to visit. I know we will have to compromise about this as well, I don't think there is any easy way to do this -- I only hope that these holiday decisions get easier as time passes.

> Jessica:

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LIWeddings Archive Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM+
MEMBER SINCE: 12/69 TOTAL POSTS : 18488 WEDDING DATE: Dec 31, 1969
Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM bride-minus.png

Holiday stress...and other fun stuff

I can sympathize with all of you. I have been dating my fiancee for almost 7 years and I think we have finally come up with a plan that works for us. We alternate holidays between our two families for Thanksgiving and Easter. For Christmas, Christmas eve is a big tradition in my family so we spend it with them and Christmas day is a important in his family so we spend it with them.

However, now that we'll be married, I will be expected to host some holidays next year. Unfortunately, if I invite both families, that totals almost 30 people. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to host a holiday with both families. Who's family do I invite???

> I understand as well. My situation is a bit

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LIWeddings Archive Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM+
MEMBER SINCE: 12/69 TOTAL POSTS : 18488 WEDDING DATE: Dec 31, 1969
Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM bride-minus.png

Holiday stress...and other fun stuff

Thank you all for your responses..it made me feel better that I am not alone in this....I have such loyalties to my family and he to his..and we'd hate to hurt anyone...now here's another tricky question...how do I get my future mother-in-law to stay out of our business? she's a nice lady..but wants to interfere constantly....aside from buying masking tape and crazy glue...anyone have alternatives..thanks....

>

>

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JennRenee Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM+
JennRenee MEMBER SINCE: 3/01 TOTAL POSTS : 8162 WEDDING DATE: Jul 06, 2001
Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM bride-minus.png

Holiday stress...and other fun stuff

What kind of things is she trying to interfere with? Depending on the nature of the interference might determine how to handle it.

>

>

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LIWeddings Archive Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM+
MEMBER SINCE: 12/69 TOTAL POSTS : 18488 WEDDING DATE: Dec 31, 1969
Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM bride-minus.png

Holiday stress...and other fun stuff

If your future mother-in-law is interfering, have your fiancee speak to her. I had a minor problem with my mother-in-law and my husband talked to her and things have never been better. It's difficult if she's the type that wants to stick her nose into EVERYTHING. Maybe you could include her in certain things that you value her opinion on. Perhaps she has great taste in flowers of something. Just make her feel part of things wothput driving you crazy.

> Thank you all for your responses..it made
> me feel better that I am not alone in this....I

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LIWeddings Archive Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM+
MEMBER SINCE: 12/69 TOTAL POSTS : 18488 WEDDING DATE: Dec 31, 1969
Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM bride-minus.png

Holiday stress...and other fun stuff

When I'm married, I'm Having the Holidays, this way I win and both sides can come to my home! It's the easy way out.

I made something a little original. I took a music saying, printed them, or you can hand write them on to paper. Mine was "Life put's the Music in Laughter, The Beauty in Song". My fiance is a musician so it's related in some way. Anyway, I go to Michael's crafts and pick up 10 - 12 frames and mattings 5 x 7 and place the saying in the matting and then frame it. Frames are 2 for 5.00 and mattings are on sale a lot, 2.99 each. Handwriting on paper is free. Just need paper and nice pen. You could do a saying that relates to the two of you or here are some: "Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much" or "Grow old with me, the best is yet to be". Just some examples. People loved them at my sister's wedding and people hung them up in their homes. GOod Luck
> don't want the following: dried flowers, vases,

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LIWeddings Archive Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM+
MEMBER SINCE: 12/69 TOTAL POSTS : 18488 WEDDING DATE: Dec 31, 1969
Posted: Jan 01, 2000 02:00 PM bride-minus.png

Holiday stress...and other fun stuff

I loved reading the responses..thank you....I guess some sort of sucking up and compromise is in order..I'll hold a holiday at our place and burn it so badly...that they;ll never come back and be forced to go their separate ways...only kidding....but why should we always feel like we're pleasing others????

> When I'm married, I'm Having the Holidays,

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