Sort of sensitive subject...What to do? Back
Boston&NY2006 Posted: Apr 01, 2006 05:40 PM+
Boston&NY2006 MEMBER SINCE: 6/05 TOTAL POSTS : 1699 WEDDING DATE: Jul 08, 2006
Posted: Apr 01, 2006 05:40 PM bride-minus.png

Sort of sensitive subject...What to do?

So, the mother of my FH's best friend from high school was supposed to be doing the calligraphy for our invitations. She doesn't do it as her profession, but is great at it, and will do it for people she knows for a small fee.

Well, we just found out today that FH's friend's wedding has been called off (she was supposed to be getting married 2 weeks before us). I had been planning on speaking to her mom at the shower (which was supposed to be next weekend) to find out when I could drop off the envelopes, etc. I totally don't expect her to do them since the wounds are so fresh, and the last thing she probably wants to do is address someone else's wedding invitations.

So here's my question: Should we even mention it to her? FH seems to think it would be rude not to say anything since we alreay agreed upon a price, etc and she might be counting on that $$. I feel like we should just not bring it up at all because it will seem selfish and cold, but FH thinks it's worse to just have someone else do them 'behind her back.'

What do you think?
prncssrachel Posted: Apr 01, 2006 05:43 PM+
prncssrachel MEMBER SINCE: 2/03 TOTAL POSTS : 11213 WEDDING DATE: Jul 03, 2005 WEDDING LOCATION: Stewart Manor Country Club
Posted: Apr 01, 2006 05:43 PM bride-minus.png

Re: Sort of sensitive subject...What to do?

I can see where this is a sensitive subject. Since it is the mother of your FH's friend, I would have him talk to her and ask if she was still interested in doing them. Just have him say something like, 'I know we had discussed you doing the calligraphy for our invitations. Are you still interested in doing them, or would you prefer not to?' This way it's up to her. It's only as awkward as you allow it to be. Good luck!
babybug631 Posted: Apr 01, 2006 06:11 PM+
babybug631 MEMBER SINCE: 1/05 TOTAL POSTS : 2037 WEDDING DATE: Dec 17, 2005
Posted: Apr 01, 2006 06:11 PM bride-minus.png

Re: Sort of sensitive subject...What to do?

I would talk to her. See how she feels about it. Don't just go to someone else, that would insult her.
scappy123 Posted: Apr 01, 2006 06:32 PM+
scappy123 MEMBER SINCE: 1/06 TOTAL POSTS : 2356 WEDDING DATE: Oct 14, 2006
Posted: Apr 01, 2006 06:32 PM bride-minus.png

Re: Sort of sensitive subject...What to do?


Posted by prncssrachel

I can see where this is a sensitive subject. Since it is the mother of your FH's friend, I would have him talk to her and ask if she was still interested in doing them. Just have him say something like, 'I know we had discussed you doing the calligraphy for our invitations. Are you still interested in doing them, or would you prefer not to?' This way it's up to her. It's only as awkward as you allow it to be. Good luck!



This is a great idea, I would definitely give an option, but not make her feel as if she is obligated due to the recent situation....good luck
werock0709 Posted: Apr 01, 2006 06:51 PM+
werock0709 MEMBER SINCE: 12/05 TOTAL POSTS : 8532 WEDDING DATE: May 06, 2007
Posted: Apr 01, 2006 06:51 PM bride-minus.png

Re: Sort of sensitive subject...What to do?


Posted by scappy123


Posted by prncssrachel

I can see where this is a sensitive subject. Since it is the mother of your FH's friend, I would have him talk to her and ask if she was still interested in doing them. Just have him say something like, 'I know we had discussed you doing the calligraphy for our invitations. Are you still interested in doing them, or would you prefer not to?' This way it's up to her. It's only as awkward as you allow it to be. Good luck!



This is a great idea, I would definitely give an option, but not make her feel as if she is obligated due to the recent situation....good luck

I agree with both girls. It shows compassion and thats important right now.
CLMon7906 Posted: Apr 01, 2006 07:17 PM+
CLMon7906 MEMBER SINCE: 1/06 TOTAL POSTS : 8596 WEDDING DATE: Jul 09, 2006
Posted: Apr 01, 2006 07:17 PM bride-minus.png

Re: Sort of sensitive subject...What to do?


Posted by prncssrachel

I can see where this is a sensitive subject. Since it is the mother of your FH's friend, I would have him talk to her and ask if she was still interested in doing them. Just have him say something like, 'I know we had discussed you doing the calligraphy for our invitations. Are you still interested in doing them, or would you prefer not to?' This way it's up to her. It's only as awkward as you allow it to be. Good luck!



oooh...this is what i was going to say....just bring it up as a 'do you still want to do it?' kind of thing and see how she responds and what she says...just don't say 'it's ok if you don't want to..' because then she might feel the guilt if you know what i mean.
Boston&NY2006 Posted: Apr 01, 2006 08:23 PM+
Boston&NY2006 MEMBER SINCE: 6/05 TOTAL POSTS : 1699 WEDDING DATE: Jul 08, 2006
Posted: Apr 01, 2006 08:23 PM bride-minus.png

Re: Sort of sensitive subject...What to do?

Thanks so much ladies! I was so torn over what to do because I can't even imagine how distraught they are right now (It happened over a week ago, and when FH talked to his friend today, it was the first time she had left the house).

I am going to have FH wait another week or so (we don't need to send out invitations until the end of the month, so we've got some time) and then give her a call.

Thanks again! I knew I could count on you girls for some good advice!
Captsarkasm Posted: Apr 01, 2006 08:29 PM+
Captsarkasm MEMBER SINCE: 1/06 TOTAL POSTS : 1175 WEDDING DATE: Oct 05, 2007
Posted: Apr 01, 2006 08:29 PM bride-minus.png

Re: Sort of sensitive subject...What to do?

Sticky situation...... I think I would definitely bring it up...and soon only because obviously your date is approaching....I would just go into it apologizing for the poor timing (which is out of your control but unfortunate just the same) and then give her the option as to whether or not she is still interested....given the sensitivity of the issue. This way, if its a matter of her wanting the money, she can still do it. But if it is too hard for her, she would have an out.... Good luck!!
JennJay Posted: Apr 01, 2006 11:03 PM+
JennJay MEMBER SINCE: 8/05 TOTAL POSTS : 871 WEDDING DATE: Nov 12, 2006
Posted: Apr 01, 2006 11:03 PM bride-minus.png

Re: Sort of sensitive subject...What to do?

I would definately still ask her about it.
bride2b24 Posted: Apr 02, 2006 12:01 AM+
bride2b24 MEMBER SINCE: 12/05 TOTAL POSTS : 4404 WEDDING DATE: Jul 28, 2007
Posted: Apr 02, 2006 12:01 AM bride-minus.png

Re: Sort of sensitive subject...What to do?


Posted by prncssrachel

I can see where this is a sensitive subject. Since it is the mother of your FH's friend, I would have him talk to her and ask if she was still interested in doing them. Just have him say something like, 'I know we had discussed you doing the calligraphy for our invitations. Are you still interested in doing them, or would you prefer not to?' This way it's up to her. It's only as awkward as you allow it to be. Good luck!



i agree with this post.....def dont leave it unspoken but let it seem like her option...
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