Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPD... Back
2009wedding Posted: Oct 14, 2007 10:05 PM+
2009wedding MEMBER SINCE: 12/06 TOTAL POSTS : 849 WEDDING DATE: Jan 02, 2009
Posted: Oct 14, 2007 10:05 PM bride-minus.png

Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

I do not know if I am wrong to feel this way or if I should say something to my cousin or what but I needed to vent to someone. My cousin just got engaged on Friday which I am very happy for her but she is trying to have her wedding in 2008. I am very upset about this cause my FH and I are having our wedding Jan 2 2009. She knew this way before she got engaged now I am afraid she is going to have her wedding before mine and my out of town family will go to hers and not mine. We all had bets that this was going to happen and it has. I just never thought my fear would come true. She has been obsessed with weddings since she was a little girl she has scared a lot of men away because of this. Even before I got engaged we were at family event and she was going on and on about how her boyfriend better propose to her that night cause they were going to the city and she got her nails done. Then she was going on and on about how she has her wedding all planned out and what is going to happen. My fh wanted to say to her your cousin is getting engaged before you. He was getting fed up with her carrying on about a wedding that she wants mean while she wasn't even engaged yet. My family and I knew that she would try to rush to the alter before me if she did get engaged. I am very upset about this and I did not know if I am wrong for feeling upset or if I have a right to be. She doesn't even have money to get married and she is trying to get her wedding date for Oct 2008. It kills me to know she would do this to my fh and I when she knows our date is Jan 2, 2009. She also knows it is hard for some relatives to get off for two events that are so close to each other. Everyone knows my date and that we set it months ago. I am now thinking about sending out my save the dates so everyone knows my date is set. I am so worried I am going to be the one that gets hurt and my day is going to be wrecked cause my family can not be there cause they went to her wedding. I never can be happy or enjoy things with out something happening. I have the worse luck and I guess I always will.

That wasn't even the first thing that went wrong since I have been engaged. A lot of my family never showed up for my engagement party. Either they had other plans or they couldn't come to NY again after being her two weeks before cause someone passed away in my family. I was very hurt. Then after that I found out one of my other cousins threw a fit cause I got engaged the day before Thanksgiving and her engagement party was the day after Thanksgiving. So my Aunt, Uncle and cousin got very upset with my fhand I and made us feel very unwanted at the engagement party were we left. They christmas came and they decided to wreck my families christmas cause they were still upset that I got engaged. They told my father that my Mom and him should have told my fh not to propose and wait mean while he had been planning this for months. I feel like it is not meant to be with me getting married. I feel like I can't be happy cause my family has to wreck things for me. I feel like this is unfair and I am stressed about things. I am very hurt and upset.

*****UPDATE AT BOTTOM*****
dajc23 Posted: Oct 14, 2007 10:10 PM+
dajc23 MEMBER SINCE: 7/07 TOTAL POSTS : 4847 WEDDING DATE: Nov 07, 2008
Posted: Oct 14, 2007 10:10 PM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......


Posted by 2009wedding

I do not know if I am wrong to feel this way or if I should say something to my cousin or what but I needed to vent to someone. My cousin just got engaged on Friday which I am very happy for her but she is trying to have her wedding in 2008. I am very upset about this cause my FH and I are having our wedding Jan 2 2009. She knew this way before she got engaged now I am afraid she is going to have her wedding before mine and my out of town family will go to hers and not mine. We all had bets that this was going to happen and it has. I just never thought my fear would come true. She has been obsessed with weddings since she was a little girl she has scared a lot of men away because of this. Even before I got engaged we were at family event and she was going on and on about how her boyfriend better propose to her that night cause they were going to the city and she got her nails done. Then she was going on and on about how she has her wedding all planned out and what is going to happen. My fh wanted to say to her your cousin is getting engaged before you. He was getting fed up with her carrying on about a wedding that she wants mean while she wasn't even engaged yet. My family and I knew that she would try to rush to the alter before me if she did get engaged. I am very upset about this and I did not know if I am wrong for feeling upset or if I have a right to be. She doesn't even have money to get married and she is trying to get her wedding date for Oct 2008. It kills me to know she would do this to my fh and I when she knows our date is Jan 2, 2009. She also knows it is hard for some relatives to get off for two events that are so close to each other. Everyone knows my date and that we set it months ago. I am now thinking about sending out my save the dates so everyone knows my date is set. I am so worried I am going to be the one that gets hurt and my day is going to be wrecked cause my family can not be there cause they went to her wedding. I never can be happy or enjoy things with out something happening. I have the worse luck and I guess I always will.




Aww dont be too upset. I had this same problem. There has not been a wedding in my family for years and years, I finally get engaged then a cousin of mine (who lives in FL) desides he's going to get engaged as well. I set my date a few months ago for Nov 2008. He decides to set his date for June 2008. So i freaked b/c we both have cousins/aunts that live out of state (as far as California) I sent out save the dates way before he did too, so I was a little worried my OOT family would choose one or the other. But I spoke with most of them and they all assured me they wouldnt miss mine (or his) for anything and they will all be there...
So dont worry, if they are important and really care they will make the best effort to be there. you never know, people might just come to yours b/c yours was known about first...give it time and let them decide
bluegreen08 Posted: Oct 14, 2007 10:17 PM+
bluegreen08 MEMBER SINCE: 4/07 TOTAL POSTS : 8028 WEDDING DATE: Aug 17, 2008
Posted: Oct 14, 2007 10:17 PM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I can imagine it feels like your cousin is stealing your thunder, and that you got engaged first so you should get married first. It's not a competition though. A good friend of ours got engaged 3 weeks after us and is getting married 2 weeks before us (even knowing our date) because that was the only date their church was available and they needed a summer wedding since the bride-to-be is a teacher. I decided not to make a big deal out of it -- they didnt do it for spite! (Plus, we dont have a huge guest list overlap) Instead, we are enjoying planning our weddings on the same timeline.

Do you think they picked that date for spite? It's possible that they are excited to be engaged and want to get married ASAP. Maybe they didnt think of the potential conflict for OOT guests? I do think it's unfair to them to rule out every date before your wedding, and they may not be able to afford getting married any sooner than Oct 08. Talk to them?

As for family, weddings are a big deal and I would assume anyone important to you would come to both.

drpepper318 Posted: Oct 14, 2007 10:41 PM+
drpepper318 MEMBER SINCE: 6/06 TOTAL POSTS : 4383 WEDDING DATE: Jul 27, 2007
Posted: Oct 14, 2007 10:41 PM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......

Yeah that stinks. I'm sorry to hear that. BUT try to look on the bright side... your wedding is still going to be amazing!!!!!! And I'm sure your family loves you very much and will be there for you and your FH!!!!!

And not to be mean, but you really can't blame them at all. It's not fair for you to say they can't have their wedding before yours... they're not really rushing it... they're having a full year engagement which honestly isn't that short. You chose to have yours in January just like they chose October... I doubt they're doing it to steal your thunder. They shouldn't have to wait to get married just because you're getting married too. I don't think it should matter who got engaged first IMO... sorry if that's not what you want to hear If they were doing it out of spite though, then that would be wrong of them... but it doesn't sound that way.

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this but try not to worry about their wedding... just try to be happy for your own!!!! It will be great!!!!!!
Snowflake08 Posted: Oct 14, 2007 10:55 PM+
Snowflake08 MEMBER SINCE: 10/06 TOTAL POSTS : 13546 WEDDING DATE: Feb 02, 2008
Posted: Oct 14, 2007 10:55 PM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......


Posted by dajc23


Posted by 2009wedding

I do not know if I am wrong to feel this way or if I should say something to my cousin or what but I needed to vent to someone. My cousin just got engaged on Friday which I am very happy for her but she is trying to have her wedding in 2008. I am very upset about this cause my FH and I are having our wedding Jan 2 2009. She knew this way before she got engaged now I am afraid she is going to have her wedding before mine and my out of town family will go to hers and not mine. We all had bets that this was going to happen and it has. I just never thought my fear would come true. She has been obsessed with weddings since she was a little girl she has scared a lot of men away because of this. Even before I got engaged we were at family event and she was going on and on about how her boyfriend better propose to her that night cause they were going to the city and she got her nails done. Then she was going on and on about how she has her wedding all planned out and what is going to happen. My fh wanted to say to her your cousin is getting engaged before you. He was getting fed up with her carrying on about a wedding that she wants mean while she wasn't even engaged yet. My family and I knew that she would try to rush to the alter before me if she did get engaged. I am very upset about this and I did not know if I am wrong for feeling upset or if I have a right to be. She doesn't even have money to get married and she is trying to get her wedding date for Oct 2008. It kills me to know she would do this to my fh and I when she knows our date is Jan 2, 2009. She also knows it is hard for some relatives to get off for two events that are so close to each other. Everyone knows my date and that we set it months ago. I am now thinking about sending out my save the dates so everyone knows my date is set. I am so worried I am going to be the one that gets hurt and my day is going to be wrecked cause my family can not be there cause they went to her wedding. I never can be happy or enjoy things with out something happening. I have the worse luck and I guess I always will.




Aww dont be too upset. I had this same problem. There has not been a wedding in my family for years and years, I finally get engaged then a cousin of mine (who lives in FL) desides he's going to get engaged as well. I set my date a few months ago for Nov 2008. He decides to set his date for June 2008. So i freaked b/c we both have cousins/aunts that live out of state (as far as California) I sent out save the dates way before he did too, so I was a little worried my OOT family would choose one or the other. But I spoke with most of them and they all assured me they wouldnt miss mine (or his) for anything and they will all be there...
So dont worry, if they are important and really care they will make the best effort to be there. you never know, people might just come to yours b/c yours was known about first...give it time and let them decide


a similar thing happened to me too and i agree
if its important to them, they will be there and not choose one over the other
Espo22 Posted: Oct 14, 2007 10:58 PM+
Espo22 MEMBER SINCE: 11/06 TOTAL POSTS : 53757 WEDDING DATE: May 17, 2008
Posted: Oct 14, 2007 10:58 PM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......

Im sorry youre upset but im sorry to say that you can't really expect people to plan their lives around you...You made the decision to have a long engagement this doesnt mean others have to be forced into making the same decision just because of you...You said that shes been wanting to get married forever so sounds like she doesnt want to have a long engagement. I know a couple people who got engaged after me and are getting married before me, and i dont think anything about it. I am sorry but when planning my wedding day i wanted it to be a date FH and I really were happy about and LOVED not that we had to accomodate the biggest day of our lives bc of someone else. You picked your date and time of year bc its what you wanted and when you wanted to do it and i think everyone else should have that right too.
iwannabmrsD Posted: Oct 14, 2007 11:00 PM+
iwannabmrsD MEMBER SINCE: 12/06 TOTAL POSTS : 1968 WEDDING DATE: Feb 16, 2008
Posted: Oct 14, 2007 11:00 PM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......

hey i agree with the other ladies. people who like weddings will go to both.. folks who dont' like weddings won't go to either..

but the closeness in the dates won't affect them one way or the other.. believe that..
meg193 Posted: Oct 15, 2007 01:43 AM+
meg193 MEMBER SINCE: 7/07 TOTAL POSTS : 378 WEDDING DATE: May 24, 2008
Posted: Oct 15, 2007 01:43 AM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......

I would try not to be too upset. I don't think it is fair to expect people to put off their wedding so that it is after yours. I personally did not want to have a long engagement so I wouldn't have put off my wedding if a close relative was getting married after me.
MsPotterhead Posted: Oct 15, 2007 07:28 AM+
MsPotterhead MEMBER SINCE: 5/07 TOTAL POSTS : 2006 WEDDING DATE: Jul 13, 2008
Posted: Oct 15, 2007 07:28 AM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......

I might have been upset also. If you are indeed worried about a lot of people travelling to both, I would definitely send save the dates asap, before your cousin has a chance to.
I have a similar thing -- FH's brother got engaged 2 months after us, and they are getting married in December. So, they aren't getting married before us, but I was nervous when they got engaged. The only thing I was nervous about is the fact that FH has a lot of family who live oot, and they may not be able to make both. That still is an issue - he has an aunt out of country, and traveling twice might be too much for her.
Anyway, just remember, your family loves you, your wedding will be beautiful whether its before or after hers, and try not to stress too much about this!
Kara and Todd Posted: Oct 15, 2007 09:46 AM+
Kara and Todd MEMBER SINCE: 9/06 TOTAL POSTS : 6626 WEDDING DATE: Aug 11, 2007
Posted: Oct 15, 2007 09:46 AM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

However... I see absolutely NO reason why your cousin should be obligated to plan her wedding so that it is after yours. You wouldn't want to have to plan your big day based on someone else, so don't expect her to.

If it's not the week before / after, I'm sure your OOT guests will come to both weddings!
MrsHtobe Posted: Oct 15, 2007 10:17 AM+
MrsHtobe MEMBER SINCE: 9/07 TOTAL POSTS : 4755 WEDDING DATE: Nov 07, 2008
Posted: Oct 15, 2007 10:17 AM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)


Posted by 2009wedding

I do not know if I am wrong to feel this way or if I should say something to my cousin or what but I needed to vent to someone. My cousin just got engaged on Friday which I am very happy for her but she is trying to have her wedding in 2008. I am very upset about this cause my FH and I are having our wedding Jan 2 2009. She knew this way before she got engaged now I am afraid she is going to have her wedding before mine and my out of town family will go to hers and not mine. We all had bets that this was going to happen and it has. I just never thought my fear would come true. She has been obsessed with weddings since she was a little girl she has scared a lot of men away because of this. Even before I got engaged we were at family event and she was going on and on about how her boyfriend better propose to her that night cause they were going to the city and she got her nails done. Then she was going on and on about how she has her wedding all planned out and what is going to happen. My fh wanted to say to her your cousin is getting engaged before you. He was getting fed up with her carrying on about a wedding that she wants mean while she wasn't even engaged yet. My family and I knew that she would try to rush to the alter before me if she did get engaged. I am very upset about this and I did not know if I am wrong for feeling upset or if I have a right to be. She doesn't even have money to get married and she is trying to get her wedding date for Oct 2008. It kills me to know she would do this to my fh and I when she knows our date is Jan 2, 2009. She also knows it is hard for some relatives to get off for two events that are so close to each other. Everyone knows my date and that we set it months ago. I am now thinking about sending out my save the dates so everyone knows my date is set. I am so worried I am going to be the one that gets hurt and my day is going to be wrecked cause my family can not be there cause they went to her wedding. I never can be happy or enjoy things with out something happening. I have the worse luck and I guess I always will.

That wasn't even the first thing that went wrong since I have been engaged. A lot of my family never showed up for my engagement party. Either they had other plans or they couldn't come to NY again after being her two weeks before cause someone passed away in my family. I was very hurt. Then after that I found out one of my other cousins threw a fit cause I got engaged the day before Thanksgiving and her engagement party was the day after Thanksgiving. So my Aunt, Uncle and cousin got very upset with my fhand I and made us feel very unwanted at the engagement party were we left. They christmas came and they decided to wreck my families christmas cause they were still upset that I got engaged. They told my father that my Mom and him should have told my fh not to propose and wait mean while he had been planning this for months. I feel like it is not meant to be with me getting married. I feel like I can't be happy cause my family has to wreck things for me. I feel like this is unfair and I am stressed about things. I am very hurt and upset.



I'm really sorry this is happening to you and that it has you upset, but I have to say - you chose a long engagement and they didn't. . .I really don't think it was intentional to hurt you or that you should feel slighted at all.

FH's brother is engaged. He's been engaged for over a year and him and his fiance still have not set a date. They were 'thinking' Spring 2009. When FH and I got engaged, we didn't want to have to wait until they set a date and then wait another 5 or 6 months to have ours. . so we set the date first (for 2008).

FH's brother's fiance was very upset that we didn't hold off until after they planned their wedding, and I felt bad she was upset, but I didn't think I was wrong. Just because she chose to have a very long engagement, didn't mean I had to.

I understand how you feel, but I think that your family will make sure to be there for you and FH regardless of another wedding a couple months before. And her wedding being so close will not make your day any less special!!

Good luck, and I hope things work out for the best!
2009wedding Posted: Oct 15, 2007 10:51 AM+
2009wedding MEMBER SINCE: 12/06 TOTAL POSTS : 849 WEDDING DATE: Jan 02, 2009
Posted: Oct 15, 2007 10:51 AM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)

Thank you ladies for your help. I am going to send out my save the date magnets this week or weekend even though I wanted to wait unt Jan. Thank you ladies for listening. I am still upset about everything that has happened since my fh and I got engaged. I really thought my family was the best thing now I am very upset and mad at my family right now. At this point I just want to go away and get married.
nmagel Posted: Oct 15, 2007 10:54 AM+
nmagel MEMBER SINCE: 1/07 TOTAL POSTS : 3388 WEDDING DATE: Mar 30, 2008
Posted: Oct 15, 2007 10:54 AM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)

there are a few months between event. Your engagement is over two years loong, and you can't expect others not to move on w/ their plans b/c you chose a longer engagement. You shouldn't be feeling jealous. Try to be happy for your cousin and I'm sure she will be happy for you when your day comes.
Espo22 Posted: Oct 15, 2007 10:55 AM+
Espo22 MEMBER SINCE: 11/06 TOTAL POSTS : 53757 WEDDING DATE: May 17, 2008
Posted: Oct 15, 2007 10:55 AM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)


Posted by 2009wedding

Thank you ladies for your help. I am going to send out my save the date magnets this week or weekend even though I wanted to wait unt Jan. Thank you ladies for listening. I am still upset about everything that has happened since my fh and I got engaged. I really thought my family was the best thing now I am very upset and mad at my family right now. At this point I just want to go away and get married.



i wouldn't let something like this ruin your engagement, i mean is it really worth it...looking back at this time in your life youre gonna wish you enjoyed it more and remember it as a happy time...some things are just not worth stressing out about
LeeLee111 Posted: Oct 15, 2007 12:59 PM+
LeeLee111 MEMBER SINCE: 2/07 TOTAL POSTS : 2260 WEDDING DATE: Aug 03, 2008
Posted: Oct 15, 2007 12:59 PM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)

I'm so sorry shes doing this to you. Some people dont think about others. Shes probably all wrapped up in her own world right now. Dont worry about family, if its 4 months apart I'm sure everyone will go to both.
2009wedding Posted: Oct 17, 2007 09:35 AM+
2009wedding MEMBER SINCE: 12/06 TOTAL POSTS : 849 WEDDING DATE: Jan 02, 2009
Posted: Oct 17, 2007 09:35 AM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

My mother talked to my grandfather since my cousin lives upstairs from my grandparents and thought maybe he could talk them out of Oct 2008. My Grandfather said Jamie has been obsessed with weddings since she was a child and Melinda(me) hasn't. I felt like I do everything for my grandparetns and this is what I get. My cousin doesn't even pay them the rent the she is suppose to pay them instead she uses her rent money for tattoos and whatever other crap she buys. Then I told my parents I am not inviting certain people to our wedding and my Dad answered with then I am not going to your wedding if you do not invite everyone. I was very hurt by that. Things just keep getting worse. Now I do not know what to do. I was thinking about calling up my cousin and talking to her.
missliss Posted: Oct 17, 2007 09:59 AM+
missliss MEMBER SINCE: 7/07 TOTAL POSTS : 4991 WEDDING DATE: Mar 15, 2008
Posted: Oct 17, 2007 09:59 AM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

I'm sorry, maybe I'm missing something here, but I don't think you can expect people to plan their lives around yours. It s u c k s to hear, but whether you already had a date planned or not, she is completely allowed to pick whatever date she'd like to get married (regardless of her financial status or length of engagement). You chose a long engagement and that was your choice. She chose a shorter one and that is her choice. If your family wants to be at both they will be. You have an entire 3 months in between. I don't think you have any right to ask her to change her date. If she chose the week before or after yours than I would say you have a right to be annoyed, but in this case....they're 3 months apart, that's alot of time. I think you just need to accept it and take all of the energy you're spending on the negative aspects of the situation and put it towards focusing on planning your own wedding. Cheer up and good luck!
ourday08 Posted: Oct 17, 2007 10:07 AM+
ourday08 MEMBER SINCE: 1/07 TOTAL POSTS : 1416 WEDDING DATE: May 17, 2008
Posted: Oct 17, 2007 10:07 AM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****


Posted by 2009wedding

My mother talked to my grandfather since my cousin lives upstairs from my grandparents and thought maybe he could talk them out of Oct 2008. My Grandfather said Jamie has been obsessed with weddings since she was a child and Melinda(me) hasn't. I felt like I do everything for my grandparetns and this is what I get. My cousin doesn't even pay them the rent the she is suppose to pay them instead she uses her rent money for tattoos and whatever other crap she buys. Then I told my parents I am not inviting certain people to our wedding and my Dad answered with then I am not going to your wedding if you do not invite everyone. I was very hurt by that. Things just keep getting worse. Now I do not know what to do. I was thinking about calling up my cousin and talking to her.


I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time right now but I don't think that you should call her up and ask her to change her wedding date. She should be able to set her wedding date for whatever date that her and her FH wants. Why don't you just move up your wedding date? That would solve the problem.
bluegreen08 Posted: Oct 17, 2007 10:15 AM+
bluegreen08 MEMBER SINCE: 4/07 TOTAL POSTS : 8028 WEDDING DATE: Aug 17, 2008
Posted: Oct 17, 2007 10:15 AM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

Ugh. I wrote a really long response and then it asked me to log-in again.

A short version is: I'm sorry you are feeling this way, this suckss and you should be enjoying this process not stressing out or being upset. It's not really fair to expect her to put her life on hold because of your wedding. Is it that she is getting married before you? So 'close' to your date? that she is engaged period while you are and stealing your thunder? I can understand all three and would probably feel the same, but in the end you can only control yourself. If this really bothers you maybe you could change your date? just a thought.

If you want to talk more, FM me...
2009wedding Posted: Oct 17, 2007 10:25 AM+
2009wedding MEMBER SINCE: 12/06 TOTAL POSTS : 849 WEDDING DATE: Jan 02, 2009
Posted: Oct 17, 2007 10:25 AM bride-minus.png

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

I AM NOT CHANGING MY DATE!!!!
No Posts Found With Your Match.
  • The Vineyards
  • Mediterranean Manor Caterers
  • Larkfield
  • Fade to Black
  • Lessings Waterfront Weddings
  • Chat With Local Brides
  • HI DEF-HI DEF
  • All Type Computer Calligraphy-All Type Computer Calligraphy
  • Airbrush Tanning-
 
Welcome New Vendors
X
X
X
Email to Friend
X
Submit a Report