Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

after reading all of these posts and the updates ect. It sounds like she is just planning her wedding and is excited about her's just as much as you are excited about your's. You said that you are affraid that people may not come to your wedding because of her's being so close. Your date is right after the holidays, if anything, it wouldn't be her wedding that caused people to not come, it may be the fact that people have already spent their savings on their christmas with their families. Some people cannot afford Christmas and travel expenses within a week of eachother. I don't think anyone here is trying to attack you, the same as your family is probably not trying to attack you. Maybe you just a little stressed out or anxious about all the planning and the little things are getting to you. you still have quite some time before your wedding, you don't want to start off the planning process like this, it will set the tone for the rest of the time. Try to be happy and not worry about what others are doing, it's your's and FH day, that's what matters most.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

Most of my planning is done. We booked everything but the florist. I am not looking for my dress until Jan 08. Everything else is easy for us with our wedding planning we got all the stressful things out of the way. We have been taken care of things and loved it.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by Espo22

Im sorry youre upset but im sorry to say that you can't really expect people to plan their lives around you...You made the decision to have a long engagement this doesnt mean others have to be forced into making the same decision just because of you...You said that shes been wanting to get married forever so sounds like she doesnt want to have a long engagement. I know a couple people who got engaged after me and are getting married before me, and i dont think anything about it. I am sorry but when planning my wedding day i wanted it to be a date FH and I really were happy about and LOVED not that we had to accomodate the biggest day of our lives bc of someone else. You picked your date and time of year bc its what you wanted and when you wanted to do it and i think everyone else should have that right too.

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I completely agree with you!

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

you have FM!

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

My husband's cousin got married the weekend before us. Most of his family had to travel to be at our wedding - and at hers, where we had overlap - and many of these people aren't even remotely wealthy.

There was not a SINGLE person who couldn't come to our wedding because of hers - except for her and her new husband, who were still on their honeymoon, and honestly, she's nice, but it really didn't matter to me.

You need to relax. It doesn't matter. Not even a little bit. She is not DOING anything to YOU - she's just getting married. It may be annoying how obsessed she is with weddings, but how does that have anything to do with YOUR wedding?

It's really awful that your family was so rude about you getting engaged when you did - but that shouldn't make the rest of your engagement feel so negative - you need to focus on what REALLY matters here - that you're getting married - YOU control how you approach this, and by obsessing over having someone 'steal your thunder,' you're taking the wrong approach. This isn't about who the attention is on, or who came first, or who has a better wedding, or even who COMES to your wedding - none of these things will 'ruin' your wedding - I couldn't even tell you half of the people who were at my wedding, and there were plenty of people who were important to me who couldn't come - it is what it is, and now that it's over, all that I really care about is the fact that I'm married.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

I hardly ever post on any of these boards because of this drama. If everyone reads the original post, she was simply VENTING. She was obviously upset, in no way, shape, or form did she ask for advice. She simply needed a space to just vent her frustrations. For everyone on here that is planning or has planned a wedding, it's a stressful time and a girl needs to vent every now again.

I'm sorry but if you don't agree with the poster or her FEELINGS, knowing someone is upset, is there any real reason to attack her? Everyone is all high and mighty and the poor girl is just looking for a little space to get her feelings out.
Jeez, people need to take a step back and stop being the moral police.

And to 2009wedding, the situation is definitely not cool. I think it's a great idea that you send out your STD's early. That way everyone can make their accomodations early and it'll give them plenty of time to travel to two fabulous weddings

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by jessie32783

I hardly ever post on any of these boards because of this drama. If everyone reads the original post, she was simply VENTING. She was obviously upset, in no way, shape, or form did she ask for advice. She simply needed a space to just vent her frustrations. For everyone on here that is planning or has planned a wedding, it's a stressful time and a girl needs to vent every now again.

I'm sorry but if you don't agree with the poster or her FEELINGS, knowing someone is upset, is there any real reason to attack her? Everyone is all high and mighty and the poor girl is just looking for a little space to get her feelings out.
Jeez, people need to take a step back and stop being the moral police.

And to 2009wedding, the situation is definitely not cool. I think it's a great idea that you send out your STD's early. That way everyone can make their accomodations early and it'll give them plenty of time to travel to two fabulous weddings

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if you don't want responses, why would you post on a public forum? And if you're going to want responses (which you must, if you're posting on a public forum), then you have to anticipate that not everyone will agree with you. If you can't handle that, then don't post. Now, I'm not saying it's okay to rip someone to shreds just because it's a public forum (I pretty much don't ever think that's ok, unless someone REALLY deserves it), but I also don't see where anybody got really nasty here - sure, a few girls told her that it wasn't a big deal, and that she needed to move on and focus on the larger issues, but it's not like anybody started cursing at her or calling her names or in any way really getting personal about it - they were just expressing their own opinions about the situation.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by nmagel

there are a few months between event. Your engagement is over two years long, and you can't expect others not to move on w/ their plans b/c you chose a longer engagement. You shouldn't be feeling jealous. Try to be happy for your cousin and I'm sure she will be happy for you when your day comes.

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I know EXACTLY how you feel- believe me!! FH's cousin got engaged after us and said she had to get married before FH and I because she and her boyfriend were dating longer than us (they started dating in HS, FH and I met in college) That was last summer- she got engaged and set the date within a week and was married this July- we are December. At first I was a little upset because of her reasoning and because she kind of snuck in under the radar, but what you have to realize, like the above poster said, is that you are having a long engagement and people can't wait around to get married in order they were engaged in. I know it stinks sometimes, but that is the truth.

FH and I went to 2 weddings this summer and both couples were engaged after us- no worries! Your wedding will be fabulous because it's your wedding!!

Feel better and FM me if you need to talk

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

We got married 3 1/2 weeks after my cousin....and everyone who was invited to both came...and had an amazing time at both. The important people will be there and the rest? Who cares. Your day will be wonderful & beautiful and the people who you love & love you will be there to share in your joy. I understand where you are coming from, but at the same time - ur cousin probably didn't wanna wait 2 years to get married...u said urself that she's been wedding obsessed for years. The bottom line is(and i tell any bride that stresses about anything the same thing).... you have a choice to make. You can either let things bother you & completely rob your joy of this beautiful time you could have...OR you can take a deep breath, shake it off(as hard as it may be) & remind yourself that your wedding was planned first (and your entire family will know this when they get your 'save the dates' FOLLOWED by invitations from her(which will look tacky on her part), and enjoy this time. It all passes so quickly... make the most of it! I hope everything works out for you.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

My cousin who is 21 got engaged 1 month before I did. My FH and I introduced her and her fiance and they had only been dating a little over a year when they got married. I was soooo upset that she got engaged before me and I actually cried when I hung up the phone with her. Then I realized...I am raining on her parade. She deserves to have what she wants too...even if it gets in the way of my plans. My FH proposed to me a month later and it was perfect. Now we are enjoying the planning together. We set our date and they have not even started planning or set a date yet...they wanted a long long long engagement because she is still in school.

So....I understand how upset you could feel for someone stealing your thunder, but in the end, you both deserve to be happy and you should both have fun helping each other and giving each other advice....my cousin cant wait to get her hands on my bridal planner!

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by FutureMrs.T

My cousin who is 21 got engaged 1 month before I did. My FH and I introduced her and her fiance and they had only been dating a little over a year when they got married. I was soooo upset that she got engaged before me and I actually cried when I hung up the phone with her. Then I realized...I am raining on her parade. She deserves to have what she wants too...even if it gets in the way of my plans. My FH proposed to me a month later and it was perfect. Now we are enjoying the planning together. We set our date and they have not even started planning or set a date yet...they wanted a long long long engagement because she is still in school.

So....I understand how upset you could feel for someone stealing your thunder, but in the end, you both deserve to be happy and you should both have fun helping each other and giving each other advice....my cousin cant wait to get her hands on my bridal planner!

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Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by bluegreen08

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Posted by FutureMrs.T

My cousin who is 21 got engaged 1 month before I did. My FH and I introduced her and her fiance and they had only been dating a little over a year when they got married. I was soooo upset that she got engaged before me and I actually cried when I hung up the phone with her. Then I realized...I am raining on her parade. She deserves to have what she wants too...even if it gets in the way of my plans. My FH proposed to me a month later and it was perfect. Now we are enjoying the planning together. We set our date and they have not even started planning or set a date yet...they wanted a long long long engagement because she is still in school.

So....I understand how upset you could feel for someone stealing your thunder, but in the end, you both deserve to be happy and you should both have fun helping each other and giving each other advice....my cousin cant wait to get her hands on my bridal planner!

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Thanks for the kudos! LOL....She and her FH are in our bridal party and we are in theirs! Sooo exciting! I am having the BIG wedding and she is having a smaller wedding and its just going to be so much fun!

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

i would send out the STD. people that want to be at your wedding will

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. But after reading through everyone's posts, I have to admit that I feel the same as most of them.

You and your FH chose to have a long engagement (and even if you hadn't), you can't expect others *(family or not) to base their wedding around yours. Of course, everyone should try their hardest to respect each other and do what is right by one another. However, in the end- it's your wedding day and it's her wedding day. Neither of you should have to change your big day for the other.

My FH's cousin and I went to grad. school together. She set FH and I up and he set her up with his best friend. We all started dating literally the same day. They got engaged a month before we did....and set a date for the summer of 08. As a teacher, I really wanted a summer wedding but when we got engaged, FH's cousin asked me not to do a summer wedding because it would be too close to hers. As much as it really bothered me, I respected her feelings and chose a May wedding. And I am VERY happy with the day that we picked- I don't have any regrets about not doing what I originally wanted.

My point is that when possible- you should respect each other's feelings but you shouldn't change your big day around hers- nor should she. I understand your feelings and I see how your family not being able to come to both events- is a huge thing and I'm sorry for that. But again, you chose to have a long engagement and it's not her fault that she chose to have hers first... Even if she's wedding crazy and you're not... You both picked the dates you did for a reason.... don't second guess your choices now. Send out the STD cards.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by Happybride2005

i would send out the STD. people that want to be at your wedding will

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Exactly!

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

You are allowed to be upset-as for calling and trying to get her to change her date-regardless of her obsession with a white dress-isnt fair to her.

Let me tell you, we had plenty of problems during our 2 1/2 year engagement. PLENTY-but one that is like yours....

DHs cousin who also had a clear obsession with marriage-also scared people away-got engaged and married 2 months before us. We couldnt afford to go-and she didnt come to ours-but in the long run-we were ok with that. She had her wedding and we had ours. The people that we loved and cared for and felt the same way toward us were there! Regardless of the wedding they went to 2 months before. If people cant afford it-then they cant. If you think that sending STDs will help then do it. Dont let it affect the time you are engaged...i spent soo much time of my engagement being upset with other peoples actions that it really causes you to lose sight of what it is all about.

Most will not agree with me-but-this day is about the joining of FH and yourself-of course you want people to come and celebrate and be there to be a witness-but dont forget ultimately it is about YOU AND FH!!!

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by PegaLega

You are allowed to be upset-as for calling and trying to get her to change her date-regardless of her obsession with a white dress-isnt fair to her.

Let me tell you, we had plenty of problems during our 2 1/2 year engagement. PLENTY-but one that is like yours....

DHs cousin who also had a clear obsession with marriage-also scared people away-got engaged and married 2 months before us. We couldnt afford to go-and she didnt come to ours-but in the long run-we were ok with that. She had her wedding and we had ours. The people that we loved and cared for and felt the same way toward us were there! Regardless of the wedding they went to 2 months before. If people cant afford it-then they cant. If you think that sending STDs will help then do it. Dont let it affect the time you are engaged...i spent soo much time of my engagement being upset with other peoples actions that it really causes you to lose sight of what it is all about.

Most will not agree with me-but-this day is about the joining of FH and yourself-of course you want people to come and celebrate and be there to be a witness-but dont forget ultimately it is about YOU AND FH!!!

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Peggy (my semi-sort of date twin), I couldn't agree with you more!

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

Thank you ladies for all your help. You are all very helpful. I am taking everything in with what everyone said. You all gave great advice. Thank you. You made me feel better. I am doing much better today.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

This is exactly how brides get labeled BRIDEZILLAS.

I agree with everyone who said it stinks that they are doing that, but it's their life and their marriage and they can and will do what they want regardless of how you feel. And if you don't like the responses, then don't post on a public forum because not everyone is going to side with you and sympathize.

I am sorry to sound harsh, but your wedding day is THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR LIFE...to you and FH, you parents and other close relatives. To cousins, uncles, friends and acquaintances it may not, so you have to try understand that people can't revolve their life around your wedding. This kinda of family drama is what leads to bigger drama down the road and you're already on the road to having an unhappy engagement and stressful wedding day.

I wish you luck in figuring this situation out, but it's not worth the stress and aggravation and drama. Like someone else said, in the grand scheme of life, there are so many other truly important things to worry about.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by missliss

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Posted by 2009 wedding

I AM NOT CHANGING MY DATE!!!!

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And neither should your cousin have to.

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I agree , why are you so adamant about not changing your date yet you think you should ask someone else to change theirs. For whatever your reasons are for having your wedding in 2009 that has nothing to do with your cousin. She is engaged and you should be happy for her instead you are concerned with her having her wedding before you and people not attending yours b/c of hers. I think that with all the drama you are causing about this you may lose the respect of your family members b/c you are in my opinion being selfish. She has been obsessing about weddings since she was a little girl, now her dreams are coming true and you are upset and want her to wait two years b/c she should plan her life around yours? I'm sorry I don't agree with that. Then when should she have children? Should she wait until you have yours so that she doesn't have to have a baby shower that conflicts with yours. I think that as family you should both be happy for each other. Think about what is really important you are marrying the person who you love and want to spend the rest of your life with so the only person you should really be concerned with being there for your big day is you and FH.