How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

Thanks!

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

How close are you to the family? Where is it being held?

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

about the same as what one would give for a wedding. although if you want you could give a US savings bond. For 2 people I would give $200, but for a relative it would be more.

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

I disagree. I don't think you should give as much as a wedding. That's just insane. For a wedding you're giving a ift to two people, not one, and it's two people starting a lfie together, not one kids living with parents. I'd give a $100 savings bond in general ($50 cost) or more if it's someone very close or a relative.

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

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Posted by marymoon

I disagree. I don't think you should give as much as a wedding. That's just insane. For a wedding you're giving a ift to two people, not one, and it's two people starting a lfie together, not one kids living with parents. I'd give a $100 savings bond in general ($50 cost) or more if it's someone very close or a relative.

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I agree, I would never give $300 for a bar mitzvah, JMO

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

Try to give in denominations of $18 - it is a lucky number.

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

Why is it 'insane'? If two people are attending the bar mitzvah as guests then it costs the parents to pay for two meals, (or for how ever many people were invited). If you are the only one going - then fine, 100 is appropriate.
I will say that 15 years ago I was receiving $200 from couples and $100 from single people and $50 from children.

I do not look at it like how many people are getting the gift, but how many people are giving the gift, which is exactly what brides complain about today - there have been numerous threads on this topic. So do not call the kettle black when you have two people attend and then wonder why people are not so generous to you. I am sorry but IMHO it is the same thing.

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

I don't think a bar mitzvah compares to a wedding. JMO. If people want to spend a fortune on a bar mitzvah (whch FH's parents did, btw) I don't think I need to compensate for that. I don't see it as the same calibre of event, even if people do spend a fortune on it.

ETA: I also feel like if people want to spend $300 a plate on a wedding, I don't need to compensate for that either. A bar mitzvah is important, but I'd give the same gift as I'd give for a communion, confirmation or sweet 16, I wouldn't compare it to a wedding. To each their own

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

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Posted by marymoon

I don't think a bar mitzvah compares to a wedding. JMO. If people want to spend a fortune on a bar mitzvah (whch FH's parents did, btw) I don't think I need to compensate for that. I don't see it as the same calibre of event, even if people do spend a fortune on it.

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I am not saying that a bar/bat mitzvah is a wedding. It unfortunately is getting 'blown up' like them, but I still feel if a person is throwing an event at a temple or a catering hall it will cost them $ - by giving a savings bond it is 1/2 the amount you pay and the kid gets it when he/she will really need it just as he graduates college and is beginning a life. So for your 100 down he will get 200 later on. That is a good gift.
From your comment I think that you may have other issues with bar mitzvah's in general. That is not the same as what neen was asking.

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

i would give whatever you are comfortable with. imo, i would give either a $100 savings bond of $100 cash. thats a generous gift and i would leave it at that

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

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Posted by lrs2005

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Posted by marymoon

I don't think a bar mitzvah compares to a wedding. JMO. If people want to spend a fortune on a bar mitzvah (whch FH's parents did, btw) I don't think I need to compensate for that. I don't see it as the same calibre of event, even if people do spend a fortune on it.

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I am not saying that a bar/bat mitzvah is a wedding. It unfortunately is getting 'blown up' like them, but I still feel if a person is throwing an event at a temple or a catering hall it will cost them $ - by giving a savings bond it is 1/2 the amount you pay and the kid gets it when he/she will really need it just as he graduates college and is beginning a life. So for your 100 down he will get 200 later on. That is a good gift.
From your comment I think that you may have other issues with bar mitzvah's in general. That is not the same as what neen was asking.

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I made the comment about FH's bar mitzvah to show that I know people do spend a fortune and I'm not putting them down, but I don't see it as the same as a wedding, and I can defintiely see a $200 savings bond, but I can't see giving $200 cash. I just think that's a LOT. All of these events are getting way too blown up. People throw these $100 p/p first birthday parties. I don't get sucked into it. I don't want to give a wedding size gift for every single event, that's all!

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

duplicate post

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

I usually give double chai (did I spell that right?)

I think the whole Bar/Bat Mitzvah thing has gotten out of hand. The $$ is for the kid not for the parents to pay for the shindig. Most of the time the parents are throwing this grand party to keep up with some other kids party. They can if they want, it's not the same as sending a couple off on their life together.

JMO

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

Nearly 20 years ago I got mostly $100 from couples and mine was at Crest Hollow.

Give what you feel comfortable giving.

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

3 of my cousins were all recently bar/ bat mitzvahs. On average, their friends gave $50, and adults gave $100 pp. cash.

ETA: I think a lot of people are under the false impression that the 13 year old kid who gets his bar mitzvah goes to the mall with the $$ they receive, and that's why they don't want to give cash. The reality is that most of their parents invest the money for the child, and it is often used to pay for a good chunk of college.

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

I didnt know anything back then when I went to them, hence since I am not Jewish but had a lot of friends who were.
I babysat to make my money and as a 13yr old I gave between $100-$150
I had no idea! That was what I was told....if i can remember.

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

Thanks--I think $200 is a nice gift for two people.

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

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Posted by marymoon

I disagree. I don't think you should give as much as a wedding. That's just insane. For a wedding you're giving a ift to two people, not one, and it's two people starting a lfie together, not one kids living with parents. I'd give a $100 savings bond in general ($50 cost) or more if it's someone very close or a relative.

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I agree 100%!

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

I give $100 if I go alone. I give $150 if its a relative. I give $200 if I go with a guest.

Giving a Bar/Bar Mitzvah gift is not quite the same as a wedding where you are helping a couple start off a new life. However, the money that I EARNED (yes I said EARNED) at my Bat Mitzvah was invested properly and helped to send me to college.

When a child becomes a Bar or a Bat Mitzvah, it is a lot more than a birthday party. It is a religious rite of passage that (in most or many cases) completes 3-5 years of study. In my 5 years, I learned a language. I learned why Jewish people do what we do. I learned how to observe holidays properly (whether I do them now is irrelevant). I learned how to pray. I remember the day I stood on the bimah and read my portion in Hebrew with NO mistakes (not an easy task) and the look in my parents eyes was something I would never forget. They were so very proud of me. It was worthy of every penny they spent to celebrate the accomplishment. At the time I had my celebration, 22 years ago, the party would have been considered 'over the top' by today's standards. I was lucky to have a family that was able to provide that for me. If you would ask them if they had any regrets in regard to spending the money on it, they would say 'no.'

So basically, I think comparing a wedding to a Bar or a Bat Mitzvah is like comparing apples and oranges. Both are very important milestones and should be treated differently.

Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

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Posted by Goldi1021

When a child becomes a Bar or a Bat Mitzvah, it is a lot more than a birthday party. It is a religious rite of passage that (in most or many cases) completes 3-5 years of study. In my 5 years, I learned a language. I learned why Jewish people do what we do. I learned how to observe holidays properly (whether I do them now is irrelevant). I learned how to pray. I remember the day I stood on the bimah and read my portion in Hebrew with NO mistakes (not an easy task) and the look in my parents eyes was something I would never forget. They were so very proud of me. It was worthy of every penny they spent to celebrate the accomplishment. At the time I had my celebration, 22 years ago, the party would have been considered 'over the top' by today's standards. I was lucky to have a family that was able to provide that for me. If you would ask them if they had any regrets in regard to spending the money on it, they would say 'no.'

So basically, I think comparing a wedding to a Bar or a Bat Mitzvah is like comparing apples and oranges. Both are very important milestones and should be treated differently.

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I had no idea so much went into it.....
Thank you for sharing!