HUMP DAY HA-HA'S 2*16*11
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If you're on the street and think your makeup looks messed up, just find a mirror and check it. Don't try to use a parked car's window, there might be a person inside the car looking back at you. #LFMF
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There's a reason why no one reports an eclipse of the Earth when one side is really bright and the other side is completely dark. It's called night. #LFMF
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Before giving your flatmate a speech about using all the towels again, check the dryer. #LFMF
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If you know absolutely nothing about home-repair and such, DO NOT attempt to change the lock on your bedroom door. You will lock yourself in your own room. Your little sister will tell the entire family before helping you. And you will never live it down. #LFMF
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Never watch a zombie movie, alone in the dark while drinking galons of soda. Your boyfriend will sneak up on you. You will pee yourself. #LFMF
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Today, I got a second notice from the mailman that my mail would not be delivered because of the pile of ice a plow had pushed in front of my mailbox. After getting the first notice, I'd spent an hour in the cold busting up the ice with a pick to clear a path. He put both notices in my mailbox. FML
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Today, I got a ticket for vandalizing public property. I decided to draw a cat on the street outside my house in sidewalk chalk. I'm 20, and I have to explain to my parents why I'm playing with chalk instead of studying. FML
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Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands rather rattling snoring, I finally managed it... only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML
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Today, my girlfriend told me she was bored. During sex. FML
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Today, my boyfriend decided to give me a hickey. Too bad he thinks giving a hickey means biting down hard like he's some sort of blood-thirsty vampire. FML
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Today, my Dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
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Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML
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(+44):
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
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happy hump day!
