Any other young brides tired of being told statistics?!

I hate to sound bitter in some ways ... but here I am at 23, found the love of my life, but aggravated that the rest of the world keeps telling us that we won't 'survive'! I'm getting married no matter what, but would like to have a little support.

Our families are so supportive, but I can tell they have that little echo in the back of their heads ready and prepared to rub my back if we called off this wedding.

Any other young brides struggling with this dilemma? I feel that there are millions of different types of 23 year olds and so on. We are all at various stages in our lives and you just know when the time is right I guess. That is how I feel.

What is your opinion?


http://www.pareswedding.com

When I saw the subject, I thought you were going to be 19 or 20! There is 1 bride who is around that age on here somewhere...

23 is not THAT young!!! I mean, you are almost 10 years younger than I am (I'm 32) but when you're ready, you're ready. How long have you beenw ith your FH?

My FH and I have been together for over 2 years - and even with our ages, we still have grown and changed - the important thing - no matter WHAT age is - COMMUNICATION, number one - talk about your issues til your blue in the face, and, understand you both will continue to grow and change - make room for growth, and grow together....

Good luck!

People say all sprts of stupid things, btw...

My G-ma told me she's afraid that my FH won't be able to support me well because he already has to support 'another family' (He's divorced with kids and pays child support.) It upset me, but I know in my heart that he's the one for me, and we will support each other!

Don't listen to those downers - when it comes to weddings you can never win. I have had people ask me why I am getting married so young (I'm 24 - I was even asked by a vendor at a showcase! ), why we are waiting so long to get married (dating 4 years when married, engaged for 1.5), why we don't wait longer to save $$$ and make sure we aren't making a mistake. Do what is right for you. No one but you know what that is, and don't listen to rude opinions (you will be getting alot of them about where you are getting married, where you are hMing, etc, etc, etc).

Yeah I agree that I don't feel so young compared to some stories. But I keep reading all these things about 'don't get married in your 20's because those are the wonder years.'

Well neither of us is still really 'searching' for ourselves. We both have big goals we want to accomplish, but they both take a great deal of time and I am not going to wait to accomplish them to marry him. I think that is part of the excitement of being with someone. You get to somewhat start out at zero and experience working hard together to build towards those hopes and dreams.

I guess the part where most people would call it a no no is that we've been dating now for 7 months and known each other for a year or so. I didn't go on my first date with anyone until January of 2004! lol I was never interested in dating around. I just felt that because I had waited, I would just know. Though I had a big learning lesson with my first few quests of dating and my first relationship. They all were bad. Some good moments here and there. All I know is if I lost this man, I don't think I could be with or date anyone else. HE is the one I want to share everything with and no one else.

I never dated a lot - I lived with my 1st real boyfriend from age 23-almost 29, dated for a while and hated ity, then met my FH within the year. We moved in fairly quickly again - we knew that we were the one, and would have probably married within 6 mts if he didn't have to wait for his divorce papers to be finalized...

My cousin got married at 24 - she is now a year older than I am - 33, with 2 kids. No sign of anything ending soon!

My good friend also got married at 24 - they were together since HS. I knew her when she was 19 - they were talking about getting married - I told her that was too young then... so did everyone else, so they waited a few years - but they were so ready!

I snuck a peek at your website (I love wedding sites - need to make my own one of these days!) And you seem very mature, plus you really have to be organized with a good head on your shoulders to do all of that competing... I used to compete in ballroom dancing, and the professional competitors were all very young, but very mature and together young women.... That makes you grow up quickly!!!

I knew I wanted to marry FH when I was 14 but we waited..a very long time...since we didn't want to marry young and wait to see if we were the right people for each other..16 years after first meeting we are getting married so when you know..you know the one your going to marry. Good luck!!!

Speaking as one of the 'older' brides here(I'm 35), I applaud you for speaking up. I should also tell you that unsolicted comments from people are not solely for the younger brides. I get them also. Sometimes they are equally as hurtful and flat out STUPID!

As I reached my 30's, I knew that in the social circles I travel in, that I was becoming less desireable as a mate to many men I THOUGHT I wanted to date. I was told things like:

'People aren't quick to even DATE someone older because they want to get married and have kids right away.'

Judging from the 'When are you going to have kids?' posts I have seen here on LIW, it seems to me that the younger brides are almost neck in neck with us old folk as to when they want to start their families.

OR they say something like:

'At your age, why bother? Why do you want to start now? Don't you think you are too old?'

OR

'Will you be able to have kids?' or
'You are going to have amniocentesis when you get pregnant right? You could have problems.'

(As if I don't have a strong and educated background in disabilities and I don't read )

Put it this way, some people just have a very hard time being happy for others when their lives are filled with gloom and doom. Enjoy this most special time in your life. You will have a great marriage as long as the both of you are grounded with goals. Stay true to yourself.

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Posted by Goldi1021

Speaking as one of the 'older' brides here(I'm 35), I applaud you for speaking up. I should also tell you that unsolicted comments from people are not solely for the younger brides. I get them also. Sometimes they are equally as hurtful and flat out STUPID!

As I reached my 30's, I knew that in the social circles I travel in, that I was becoming less desireable as a mate to many men I THOUGHT I wanted to date. I was told things like:

'People aren't quick to even DATE someone older because they want to get married and have kids right away.'

Judging from the 'When are you going to have kids?' posts I have seen here on LIW, it seems to me that the younger brides are almost neck in neck with us old folk as to when they want to start their families.

OR they say something like:

'At your age, why bother? Why do you want to start now? Don't you think you are too old?'

OR

'Will you be able to have kids?' or
'You are going to have amniocentesis when you get pregnant right? you could have problems.'

(As if I don't have a strong and educated background in disabilities and I don't read )

Put it this way, some people just have a very hard time being happy for others when their lives are filled with gloom and doom. Enjoy this most special time in your life. You will have a great marriage as long as the both of you are grounded with goals. Stay true to yourself.

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From one older bride to another - nicely said.

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Posted by FallBride05

From one older bride to another - nicely said.

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My pleasure. By the way, my mom had me at 38 and I was a very healthy child! Thank G-d!

FH and I are both 24 and the time couldn't be more perfect for us. With that said, my boss DID say 'you're young enough and this sounds like a great STARTER marriage' and i've also had some vendors at bridal fairs ask me why I'm so 'eager to jump the gun when i'm barely out of college.'

Just ignore the comments, none of these people know you and they most likely don't know the type of relationship you have with your FH. As long as YOU feel the time is right for you, then that is all that matters. Some people feel ready at 20, others don't feel ready until they are 40. That doesn't make one age more marriage-appropriate than the other.

as one of the older women here too - (but, if anyone remembers my tushy posts - only in number)

People say other rude things - like - so, really? You are having a big wedding? You're going to do the whole thing (meaning, big hall, BM's, DJ, etc...)

Come ON - this isn't like my 8th wedding or anything - I am 32, cute, getting married for the 1st time... and totally wanting the big fun party.... This is FH's 2nd marriage and he couldn't care less, but I really wnat this and I shouldn't ne made to feel I am too old for it!!!

And, in case you all missed my immature post a while back, here it is in a nutshell...

Wow this is all very interesting. I've never thought about it from another point of view for those of you who are getting married in your 'later' years so to speak (even though I don't consider any of that old by any means). People are mean man! What do they know?

But it is so true... people say things when they are jealous or their lives aren't together. A mutual (ex) friend is who got us together. But I honestly think that person that we were just going to be a fling that the two of them could talk about (Go have a night with Miss NY!! woo hoo) But it turned out that we fell in love. That person has huge issues in his personal love life and with his sexuality too.

So he worked all of us - telling my fiance and his family that we shouldn't be getting married - what if they fall out of love with each other - we should wait five years etc... My fiance hasn't let it bother him one bit. So it just goes to show you what kind of people are out there!

I myself am 23 and understand completely what you are saying. FH and I have been together 5 years - engaged for 2 1/2 - 3 years. We are a perfect match, very complimentary, we are both old souls and have never fit in with the 'younger crowd' stereotypes.

However i think it is a double edged sword. As 'young brides' (although i dont think 23 is very young) we are criticized for our decision and yet if i were in my 30s the very same people criticizing me for being too young would criticize me for 'waiting.' If you date 7 months they criticize you for not waiting long enough if you date 5 years they criticize you for waiting so long.

People are never satisfied and there are so many sour apples that feel the need to force their opinion on you.

I have been given the book called 'a starter marriage' , relationships for dummies, how to know if you are ready etc. by people who think i am too young. But these people know nothing about me or my fiance - those who do know us think it is a perfect match and have no qualms.

We are here for you and i am glad you posted - sometimes it just helps knowing your not alone!

ETA: bad spelling

As another older bride, 36 years young

We have two taboos!!! This is both our second marriages and I'm older than him. We're heard it all. From 'you sure you want to do this again?' to 'don't you think he's too young for you?' or 'why are you having such a big wedding? it's not like it's your first!!! '

COMMUNICATION is the key!!! Don't ever be afraid or ashamed or too proud to talk to eachother. As long as the communication is there, you'll be fine. Give eachother the space to grow and explore and by all means BE HAPPY!!! At the end of the day, it's him you kiss good night.

Good luck and God Bless.

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Posted by lipglossjunky73

When I saw the subject, I thought you were going to be 19 or 20! There is 1 bride who is around that age on here somewhere...

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Thats me, I am 20. I am soooooo sick of hearing 'well if it doesnt work out, there is always divorce' I feel like telling them that I know they wouldnt be saying that if we were older. When you find the right person, you just know, and it really does not matter how old you are.

I hear a lot of its so hard to make it when your young, how are you going to make it together. FH is 23, we both have really good jobs, (and I mean that in general not good for our age) between us we make just under $80k, granted for long island thats not a lot, but its decent, more than enough to get by comfortably.

You just have to remember that this is your life, and your relationship, who cares what other people have to say? As long as you know in your heart what you feel, and what you want, and that your ready for this, thats all that matters.

We also have a lot of things we still want to achieve, why would getting married stop us from doing so? I feel like doing things with him makes them easier, he is my built in support system, I would be accomplishing these things with him by my side if we werent married, why would it change?

People close to us know we are just meant to be, and are very supportive, but there are still those, who know us, but not well who have nothing but negative things to say. Take it where its coming from, ours mostly comes from people who have been badly burned, or have a failed marriage under their belt. You cant live through other peoples mistakes. You are probably never going to be in the same position as them, and never have to make the same choices, so why listen to their negative opinions on what your doing? We also hear it from a few people my age, I am very young, we are waiting for next October so I will be old enough to drink at my own wedding, and yes i do see the humor in that. I personally hear a lot of dont you want to party? dont you want to go to bars, and hang out, truth is I have been doing those things for years now, and there is nothing that I cant do with him.

Feel free to fm me anytime you want to talk or rant, Ill be here for you for support