Update: FMIL

FH just called and told me that FMIL recently got married a month ago and did not want to tell him because he had enough stuff going on. Being that he is military as well he wont be able to come home until 4 days prior to the wedding. FBIL is also military. To make long story short FMIL wants to have a very small ceremony the day before my wedding (saturday) because thats supposedly the only day that eveyone will be in NY the same day before 2008. I was not upset but as I am writing this and thinking about it I am getting upset. I know if I say something FH will be upset. I have been planning for months and now I will have to change some things. Not only that but also my wedding and reception ends at 11:30pm... He and most of his people live upstate in orange county. Who is going to want to party on saturday then turn around and drive 1 1/2 hours on sunday to party till midnight. I was not in tears before but as I think about it I am in tears now. I can't never win. At this point I'd rather go back to Iraq.

Update: FH called FMIL and told her that he is upset that she would make a decision to get married and not tell her oldest son (FH) until a month later. Then try to have the wedding the day before my wedding. FH said that he would not be attending her wedding because it is too much strain on him b4 his wedding.Did she not think that we had things planned for the day before my wedding?
When he called me he sounded so heart broken and all he could do is say that he broke his mom's heart. He asked if I love him still cause his mom hates him now. Right now I am so angry that she would put us in such a situation. What mother would do this to her son? And now he is all alone in Japan dealing with the Shyt!!!!!!!

I'm with you on this one, I think that this is very inconsiderate, and trying to take the limelight away from you two. While I can see that she wants to celebrate her marriage as well, if she got married a month ago, she should have done it then. I don't know what you can do, other than say that you won't be in attendance bc you won't have time to party the night before you wedding when you should be resting...

good luck to you...

I also agree with you. I think that you have every right to be upset. It sounds to me like FMIL has good intentions, but doesn't realize just how much meaning this has to you. (I am guessing that she has all sons...? not that that's a bad thing but this is girl stuff)
If it is that important to you, which it obviously is, can you call her and talk to her about it? My guess is that she has no clue what kind of impact this will have. She is so focused on having everyone together due to the circumstances that she is not thinking about this. Can you gently tell her? If you explain it to her the way you explained it to us, I think she will truly understand.
Good Luck

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Posted by marinebride

FH just called and told me that FMIL recently got married a month ago and did not want to tell him because he had enough stuff going on. Being that he is military as well he wont be able to come home until 4 days prior to the wedding. FBIL is also military. To make long story short FMIL wants to have a very small ceremony the day before my wedding (saturday) because thats supposedly the only day that eveyone will be in NY the same day before 2008. I was not upset but as I am writing this and thinking about it I am getting upset. I know if I say something FH will be upset. I have been planning for months and now I will have to change some things. Not only that but also my wedding and reception ends at 11:30pm... He and most of his people live upstate in orange county. Who is going to want to party on saturday then turn around and drive 1 1/2 hours on sunday to party till midnight. I was not in tears before but as I think about it I am in tears now. I can't never win. At this point I'd rather go back to Iraq.

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First NEVER say you would rather go back to Iraq...then try talking to your FMIL and express how you feel. Maybe she will rethink her timing on this and just have the ceremony and maybe a dinner afterwards, but not a party.
Good luck and keep your spirits up because you will be the real bride.

I finally FLIPPED! I told fh to do what he has to do and I will do what I have to do. But I expect nothing less from him for OUR day and I am not changing MY plans. I will attempt to not stress him about it but these plans have gone on a lot longer than anyone elses.
The more and more I think about this It pisses me off.

well, these are rather difficult circumstances your family has to endure. 2 people in Iraq means there's no celebrating right now.

Rather than getting upset, maybe there's a ways to improve this situation. The last thing you want is to create tensions with FMIL.... especially since I doubt she would have normally put the 2 events so close together...

I agree it would totally exhaust the upstate guests to drive down 2 days in a row. Would it be possible to give them hotel rooms, or find spare rooms in friends' homes for them to stay?

If not, in lieu of a sat celebration for the mom and her new husband, maybe encorporate their celebration into a portion of your reception? That would unify you as a family, rather than divide you... Granted, it would be a huge sacrifice on your part, but you would be viewed as extremely gracious and inclusive, which would work out for the best in the long run.....

I really hope things work out for you, and most of all, hope your family stays safe and can come home soon......

It's a very bad situation. I understand why your FMIL wants to have a small ceremony-so everyone will be there. But in all honesty, I would be very upset. I think you are right for feeling the way you do. It just seems wrong to me-I don't have any kids-BUT I would never do this to anyone, especially not my children.

OH!! Wait a minute! Why would she do that to you and her son? People are coming in for your wedding that you have been planning for such a long time! Why is she deciding now to spring this on the two of you!! Can't she wait a few more months after? I would definitely talk to her directly!! That's crazy. I am so sorry this happened to you. I think that she should rethink this whole damn thing!!

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Posted by snydl40

It's a very bad situation. I understand why your FMIL wants to have a small ceremony-so everyone will be there. But in all honesty, I would be very upset. I think you are right for feeling the way you do. It just seems wrong to me-I don't have any kids-BUT I would never do this to anyone, especially not my children.

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I agree completely.......I am so sorry you are dealing with this

I think your FMIL should really reconsider what she is planning. This is unfair for you and your FH...........

I totally agree with you. This is suppose to be you and your future husbands special day. She really needs to understand that.

We wish the both of you Best Wishes on Your Special Day. Remember, it will go the way that the both of you want it.

dancer and chef

I'm sorry he has to go through this (u as well), but most men would not have stood up to their mom's like that leaving us to do it. So, be proud of him putting his foot down, I'm just sorry he's feeling sad

awww hunny! I am so sorry you have to go through this! But you knwo what SHE'S WRONG and she should not be putting you guys through that!!!!
XOXOXO
Kitty