Was it what you expected?

May be a stupid question..but...

is marriage exactly what you were expecting?
Is it everything you dreamed about? Or did it not come out the way you exactly planned it?

Well it is different, DH and I never lived together and this is our first test. I have to say we are doing pretty darn good I am loving married life, I get to wake up almost every morning and get to sleep almost every night next to the love of my life/hubby. (He is a FDNY and sometimes is schedule makes him do 24 hrs shift at the firehouse)

All I can say is that your can't truly plan for 'married' life! It is a completely different ball game! Both DH & I didn't go into it thinking it would be a 'fairytale' & that everything would be great! As we are rounding our out first year married, I can honestly say it is a trying time! You need to get use to living with someone else (we never lived together nor outside our parents house), need to get use to each other's schedules (if different from one another), learn to deal with the little quirks that may annoy you (you will never change someone).

With that said, I absolutely love being married & being married to my DH! We have had our ups & downs but that is what makes us grow together as a family! Going to bed every night & waking up next to him is amazing but I will not lie & tell you it is pure bliss everyday!

Just be prepared for the unexpected & learn to roll with the punches! If you are confident in your relationship with your soon to be DH, then you will be fine. Remember that everything is about 'experiencing things & learning.' Nothing is perfect

I don't think I had any 'expectations.' So far I love being married. IT is wonderful to know that there is always someone there for you at the end of the day - they you are committed to each other, and to look down at your hand and see that wedding ring, well it still thrills me 9 months later.
Has it been hard at times? Of course. But it is definitely worth it.

i knew it wasnt going to be easy and all fun and games.

the first couple of months were difficult. i was very homesick at times, but dh was AMAZING. he is so nurturing and loving.

Now, a few months later, it is amazing.
each day has its ups and downs, but it is great cause they are mostly UPS!

i expected it to be hard at first-and it was

it was hard to get into a routine-cookin every night, cleaning every weekend,all of that good stuff

but i pretty much have it down pack now...and we fight less than we used to (now i bet ill jinx myself by sayin that)

I don't know anyone who's 'dreamed about' what marriage would be like. That implies that someone is expecting perfection - and if that's the case, they will be sorely disappointed.

Marriage is work. I read something once that said something along the lines of 'marriage reaches its peak before sleep but must be rebuilt again before breakfast' and I think that there is a lot of truth to that. Even if you think that you don't need to, even if you don't feel like it. Does that make sense?

If you didn't live together beforehand, you'll find that the first couple of months aren't exactly full of newlywed bliss, but once you get beyond that transitional phase, you'll find that while it's not what you thought it would be, that it's just right and what you need it to be.

For us, a sense of humor is necessary. Right after we got married, I got really sick. Then my husband had a freak accident and was wheeled into surgery a few days later. As he was in surgery, my doctor called to tell me my diagnosis, which wasn't good. We were faced with a long battle and could've given up in our first 2 months of 'newlywed bliss'.

What did we do? We laughed. With every trip to the hospital we joked with doctors, asking if they had made our reserved parking spot yet. Things got much better after that. We both got promotions and found out we were having a miracle baby.

As others have said, it's roller coaster ride. But I wouldn't want anybody else by my side. I love him more and more each day!!!

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Posted by JanuaryBride06

If you didn't live together beforehand, you'll find that the first couple of months aren't exactly full of newlywed bliss, but once you get beyond that transitional phase, you'll find that while it's not what you thought it would be, that it's just right and what you need it to be.

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As always, well put.

We lived together beforehand, so after the HM we just came back to our apt and resumed life with new bands on our fingers. The hard part was already in the past - getting used to living together. I'm glad we made the choice to do so before marriage. The next adjustment period is on its way as purchase a home and plan for kids. To me, that is when it really 'begins'.

We lived together beforehand and we bought our house a year beforehand...so all that was the same... it was more of a 'feeling' and emotion that I can't describe well that was different, it felt more secure, and I did NOT expect that. I expected to feel the same, that we would come home and resume our lives- but there was a significant difference.

THEN, a few months after the wedding, we had to relocate and here I am now in GA- we still have our home in CT, but we are temporarily uplifted ...away from family...away from friends, I had to leave my job-and this has been the BIGGEST challenge, and I DID expect it to be difficult, but NOT this difficult

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Posted by july06bride

We lived together beforehand and we bought our house a year beforehand...so all that was the same... it was more of a 'feeling' and emotion that I can't describe well that was different, it felt more secure, and I did NOT expect that. I expected to feel the same, that we would come home and resume our lives- but there was a significant difference.

THEN, a few months after the wedding, we had to relocate and here I am now in GA- we still have our home in CT, but we are temporarily uplifted ...away from family...away from friends, I had to leave my job-and this has been the BIGGEST challenge, and I DID expect it to be difficult, but NOT this difficult

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thanks for posting this....FH and i will be living together for 3 years (almost exactly) when we get married. so i too feel like things will just be the same. but i keep wondering to myself, how things will be different.

it's hard!!!

we're blending a family. i have a son from my first marriage. i was also a single-mom for almost 12 years. he lived with his father. there is still a lot of adjusting.

statistically, the first year is the hardest.

but at the end of the day, i married him because i love him and he loves me. he loves my son and my son loves him. we work hard, we make mistakes, we fight sometimes... but in the end, we're in each other's corner [PERIOD], and that's a good feeling.

Honestly... it's the same.

My husband and i lived together for 2, almost 2 1/2 years before getting married. We had already had a joint checking account and we were in the process of building a house. Plus we were together for 8 years before getting married.

So really... it wasn't any different, except that now it was official.


**I highly recommend that any couple should live together for a bit before getting married & work out their finances. (It makes the transition a bit smoother ).

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Posted by bettybcafe

May be a stupid question..but...

is marriage exactly what you were expecting?
Is it everything you dreamed about? Or did it not come out the way you exactly planned it?

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Nothing is ever as planned.

That being said, DH and I did live together for only 6 months before the wedding - just made financial sense for us - we would not have done so had we not been engaged. THAT was my choice.

There are always ups and downs, but the postives outweigh the negatives hundreds and thousands-fold. IMO, being married forces you to work harder to respect each other. There is a lot more (and different things) at stake.

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Posted by bettybcafe

May be a stupid question..but...

is marriage exactly what you were expecting?
Is it everything you dreamed about? Or did it not come out the way you exactly planned it?

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I didn't go into marriage with a plan of how things were supposed to work out, so in that sense you could say things worked out exactly as expected because I had no expectations.

DH & I did not live together for more than 3 weeks before the wedding, so the adjustment of living with him (and him living with me) has been at times harder than I expected, and at others much easier. However, the adjustment is ongoing, and I think until we have our own place it will continue. One thing I know, if we can survive the living with family thing, we can survive anything!

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Posted by stephanielyse

I didn't really have an expectation of marriage beyond having DH with me every day and sharing my life with him. That being said, adjusting to marriage is hard. Even if you lived together beforehand (which I think helps the adjustment a lot, because you can adjust slowly), it's hard to get used to not having my stuff, my money, etc., but instead it's our stuff and our money. Occasionally it causes a battle, but it's the kind of thing that you get used to over time and it will become more and more natural that everything is ours instead of mine or his. But the biggest change for us is just an emotional security and happiness. I love knowing that he is my #1 supporter, no matter what, that he loves me and is always there for me. I love that even if we fight, at the end of the day we're going to come to an understanding, apologize, say I love you and move on.

Don't go into marriage with unfair expectations (i.e. The man who's never done a load of laundry suddenly keeping the house tidy, a big spender suddenly putting all of his money away in savings, etc.), but go into it with an open mind and an open heart and it will be the most rewarding choice you've ever made.

:sap:

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I totally agree!