My first vent as a Newlywed (kinda long but need advice)

After the wedding I feel so weird because I dont know what to call my MIL - before the wedding I always called her Mrs. (First Name)
Thats how we do it in Polish, so now after the wedding I should be calling her Mom. It just feeeels sooooo weird and I dont want to call her by her first name or Mrs. - I'm in that switching mode so when I speak to her I do it like 'her' / neutral which su|cks bc last night it came out sooo bad.
I didnt know what to do, I just couldnt call her Mom & I knew if I said MRS - everyone would be like why arent you saying Mom??????

We went by my parents house bc it was their 25th anniversary and my DH left to drop her off at her place and then I had my sister drop me off home later. Well what do you know ---- He's like the way you behaved tonight was so rude. I'm like
What??????????? So he goes on to say how I treated his mom like shes not even there. & so on and so on,,,, so I tell him that its really weird for me to call her Mom but I do want to call her Mom its just going to take me time. So we basically go to sleep mad - (I HATEEEEEEEEEEE THAT)
& This morning he calls me when he's at work and goes on to say that he doesnt want his mom like this, crying, and asking what changed after the wedding, that before the wedding we were so good and now i dont even acknowledge her. blablabla. then she goes on to say oh is it bc i didnt give you $ for the wedding and bla bla....
And I tell DH - are you kidding me? How is she even going to bring something liek this up? I know she doesnt have money and thats why she didnt help, and i have nothing against her for that, so why is she bringing things like this up now.
So I explained to DH that its not that im not acknowledging her or anything its just weird for me to call her Mom. I tell him I care, I just called her yesterday when I was buying fresh bread for me and my mom so I called her as well, so dont give me Bu||sh|t about this because I dont need more drama.
Then to add to all this greatness:
I'm speaking with my sister and I say oh you know my one good friend didnt say anything nice about the wedding, actually nothing at all, I'm like that made me sad bc we work together and she knows how i was stressing everything - and my sis says well she was reallllly upset that you didnt invite her to the after party on sunday which was at my parents.
IM LIKE ---- ARE YOU KIDDDDDING ME?
number one, the last thing on my mind was inviting ppl for a sunday get together which was for family anyway - who my mom didnt invite anyway, its in polish culture, whoever comes comes, and you have to be ready!!!!!!!!!!!
So I am sooo mad, because i had so much stress before the wedding and everything was absolutely beautiful but now i have to deal with these little stupid things. maybe they're not little
i dont know i just needed to vent ladies thanks!

Let's tackle one issue at a time, the first one being your MIL.

Sounds like you were a bit rude to her, not quite acknowleding her by name. If you are not ready to call her mom, then you should have continued with Mrs.SoandSo. Have a cup of coffee with her, apologize for your behavior and ask her what she would like to be called.

I only have one Mom, and although she passed away, I cannot call my MIL 'mom'. I do call her Elaine, and my FIL is John. Same way my DH calls my Dad by his first name.

As for your friend, she was hurt. Perhaps she did not know that the after party was an open invitation, a just drop by. As you stated, it was for family, but if this friend is close to you, you should have specifically told her to come.
But hindsight is 20-20 so now you have to apologize.

Gab you need alot of these...

i can understand the cultural thing-I am not polish but I think in any family that ahs strong cultural values, there can occasionally be some dramatic moments when trying to adjust. Pete is not into any real cultural aspects-his mom is Italian but she didn't really instil any traditions in him or his sister. My family who is Puertorican, did in me so certain things were an adjustement.

Like you I never called her anything but Mrs. LAST NAME. I shortened it to Mrs. L but could never bring myself to call her Mom. I mean I have a mom. she is a looneytune but she IS my mom. I now call her Linda which she is comfortable with but it defiently took time. I kept doing the 'Mrs.er..Linda' thing.

Give it time. I can understand why your DH is upset-his mom is uspet so he is naturalyl upset because he loves her and doesn't want to see her crying. He's obviously a good guy who cares about his family.

And am I reading it right that you totally ignored her? :scratches: Did you not even address her by name like Mrs. So and so? If thtas the case I can see why she felt bad. Thats wrong. You should have at least addressed her with respect as you always have.

As ar as your Fh, he needs to be understanding and know that there is an adjutment period.

Maybe go over and see your MIL on your own or take her out to a nice lunch and just tell her that you love her dearly and think of her as a second mother but you're just feeling a little weirded out about the whole wedding and your new last name and adjustemnts like that. Apologize if you did fail to address her when you last saw her. She is a woman and she was a bride once so I am sure she will understand if she is raessured you love her and hold nothign against her.

As for your friends... People get crazed with weddings. Thats all I can say. My MOTHER did not take pictures with me in the bridal suite or help me get ready because 'she was not invietd to.' HELLO! You are the MOTHER of the BRIDE! What invite do you need?Iam you kid!

But wedding make everyone edgy and emotional and soemtimes nutty. You just have to take a step back and decide if it is worth warring over. You know you're right but is she a good enough friend to just let it go and chalk it up to one time she will owe you when you're feelign crabby?

Did she know it was just family? Again cultures and traditions can clash if not everyone is on the same wavelength. If she didn't know hwo it works, thats not her fault so tell her you're sorry and had so much on your mind but she is your friend and you love her. Then hug and make up and talk about all the other crazines sof the wedding .

I hope some of this makes sense. Lots of hugs your way! Don't feel bad. Just try and take it with a grain of salt and enjoy being a Mrs!

I totally get the whole adjustment period. I feel the same way...I have ONE Mom and ONE Dad. I call my Dad's wife, my dad's wife or by her first name. It's not that I don't like her, she's a lovely woman and she makes my Dad happy so that's all that matters to me, but she isn't my Mom.

My FH's parents are both deceased so I don't have the inlaw issue, but I can say shortly after we got engaged my FH started calling my Mom and Dad, 'Mom and Dad' and I had to do a double take a few times because it was an adjustment...Now of course I think it's very cool.

Gabbie, I'm sure you will work everything out. They have to know you were not trying to be rude at all. I agree with one of the other posters...have a talk with your MIL and ask her what she'd like to be called.

Good luck.

I am going through the same thing. My DH is 1/2 polish, his mom is 100%.....she already said to me I can either all her Mrs. ********* or Mom, either way. I can NOT call her Mom though...it just won't come out of my mouth. We don't have a great relationship, and if you ask me.....she has been less than motherly to me for 4 out of 5 years i've been with her son. I have a mother who is my best friend and to me I feel like it would be taking something away from my own mother. My parents told my hubby that he can call them whatever he wants....first names, mom/dad, whatever...but they are sick of the Mr. & Mrs. lol

Anyway, so it's always been said that i'll call his parents Mr. & Mrs......

Fastforward to our RD....we are giving our thank you speech and I openly call them Mr. & Mrs. and loud mouth DH says....'nooooooooooooo call them mom and daaaaaaaaaddddddd....' (like trying to be funny) but i was so put on the spot and nervous that i just ignored him.

For the most part, i avoid calling them anything at all.....it's just easier.

i didnt want to call my MIL ....mom and didnt want to call her Mrs (____) ... DH thought it was rude...for 3 months i called her nothing i just tried to talk to her without saying her name..ahaha how weird was that>?! eventually i have now succummed to calling her mom even though she is far from my mom... oh well i know how the culture stuff works...why dont u give ur MIL a hug and ask tell her it was awkward n nervous to you and what she feels comfortable with being addressed as...
hope it all works out...

p.s- try not to fight with DH about these little things, they really start affecting ur marriage negatively,....take it from someone whose been thru this petty drama... handle ur mother in law yourself if you can

omg! oy vey!

well, as for the mil 'mom' thing, it is weird for me too ! especially since we are caring toward eachother but not close.
I just call her Ma. I cant say mom!! ijust cant do it.
so when i walk in the door i say ' hi ma' kiss her hello and then i try to avoid using the word from that point on.
i dont know who started that tradition!