Am I wrong on this?

Okay I try not to post to much personal stuff here, but DH and I have a little dissagreement...

Here's the deal, he started a new job in the same field, just a much better location back in Nov. training will be done in May and his job will only consist of 12 days a month 12 hour shifts. Most of the people in this job take on a second job seeing they usually have 18 days off a month. The job will pay really great in about 2 years, but for now its just ok pay.

We are saving for a house, and I really want him to take a 2nd job. It doesn't have to be everyday that he is off, but something to earn a little extra. (for the record, while we were saving for the wedding I worked 2 jobs and busted my butt)

So we've had this discussion many times before about this, and he kinda wants to have the summer without a 2nd job since he is a huge boater and we purchased a boat a few years back. While I understand this, i also would like a house. Currently we are living for free in a sort of apartment in his parents house. While its great and we have 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, I share a kitchen, and I want my own place!! I havent even opened all my stuff from my shower cause I want it to be new for the house.

When we were talking about this last night he's like its gonna be at least a few years before we get a house

I just feel like he's being freakin lazy which he tends to be but he used to hate living there, and I showed him all the good reasons why we needed to stay for awhile and not rent an apartment and spend money when we could save for awhile and then just get a house.

So Question is, Am I wrong for putting pressure on him to get a 2nd job with his 18 days off a month? Should I just let him be and enjoy his summer on the boat? Or I'm totally correct, put the flame under him and get a house??

sorry so long, thanks girls!

No, you're not wrong. I would feel the same way if I were in your situation. I understand that he waould like to enjoy his summer but he doesn't have to give all of it up. It will be worth the extra work/effort in the end when you can both enjoy your efforts from the inside of your new house

I definitely dont think you are wrong-i dont know if you know my situation with DH-but I have to agree that he should get another job even if its only for a couple hours a week.

With that said...

He will have 18 days...but most PT jobs expect you to work 3 days, do the math thats 12 of that 18 days, leaving him with only 6 days off...while I totally agree that he should work another job-it doesnt really give you and him the time to spend together.

I think its totally worth it to not see e/o for alittle bit for a house...BUT will he have to work that PT job in order for you to afford to pay for the house after you buy it?

I dont know, I guess I can see both sides-so I really agree with you but can see the down side of that too

I agree with Yesi. I would want my DH to get a second job too, if we were in your situation and wanted to get a house sooner rather than later. if this is what you originally planned on, then maybe a gentle kick in the pants is needed.

This will obviously be something that you two will need to come to an agreement on, but if I were you, I'd want to get out of the current situation as quickly as possible and would want my DH to help do that. I know this happened to em with ym DH because he got too comfortable and we still argue sometimes, but if you sit down with him calmly (as jhard as that can be when you wnat to wring their neck ) and discus the reason you gace us calmly, he SHOULD respect that and give it a try.

let us know how it goes!

My Dh works 4 days a week and I wanted him to get another job so yeah if he had 18 days off you better believe I would be telling him to get to work.

I can understand him thinking he can make as much working 12 days that he can working the whole month so he should enjoy his time off and enjoy the boat before he has the responsibility of owning a home. Even if he found some part time work 2 days a week he would still have 11 days off a month and would have plenty of time to enjoy the boat.

18 days off a month is a lot. Are you working full-time? If he is working part time & you are working full time, you might find yourself becoming a little resentful. I speak from experience.

While I appreciate his love of boating, I think you might consider asking him what is more important. It is possible that to him, boating is more a priority than buying a house. That's not how YOU feel, but if that's how he feels, you are in for some tense times.

I don't have much advice but I wish you tons of luck

Heather... i know exactly what you are talking about.. those 12 hour shifts and the days the extra days they get off.. , some people i know that have that job that your DH has.. and they do have a 2nd job.. BUT , it has to be a job where they are flexible because his job will rotate days right? AND i know that depending on where in nassau he will be.. he really wont have a tough time working... its soooo much easier than the city..

my DH would love to have those 12 hr shifts with the extra days off..

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Posted by PegaLega

I definitely dont think you are wrong-i dont know if you know my situation with DH-but I have to agree that he should get another job even if its only for a couple hours a week.

With that said...

He will have 18 days...but most PT jobs expect you to work 3 days, do the math thats 12 of that 18 days, leaving him with only 6 days off...while I totally agree that he should work another job-it doesnt really give you and him the time to spend together.

I think its totally worth it to not see e/o for alittle bit for a house...BUT will he have to work that PT job in order for you to afford to pay for the house after you buy it?

I dont know, I guess I can see both sides-so I really agree with you but can see the down side of that too

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thanks girls! i don't feel crazy now.

As for the PT job, it by no means has to be 3 days a week. Anythign extra that will help towards a down payment. litterly in 2 years he will be make more then double what his is now, so it would just be until then, maybe even sooner, depending on how much OT he can pick up. Besides the fact that once he reaches that pay point, he will have every damn summer, its only for 2 summers... and I thought its a struggle the first few years

Heather, I don't think you are wrong at all. I think you have a very logical reasoning about the whole thing.

Maybe he could get a job out on the water? Whether it even be a gas attendant for a marina or something. ya know what I mean. At least he'd be enjoying his summers outdoors, on the water & then after or before his shifts he could be on his boat.

I can absolutely see why you'd want him to get a 2nd job. Thats a tough situation though since he's opposed and you can't force him. If theres no compromise, it can lead to alot of arguments and resentment. Best wishes!!

Ok to clarify, I don't think he's against it... just not this summer

but I love the job on the water!!

I'll have to suggest that, I can't believe I never thought of that.

His friend suggested he could do some investigating work for an his Insurance company, and it would be very flexable, and $20 an hr. he was thinking about it, but I know he at least wants to wait till Oct or Nov, and I want him to get it sooner, maybe just take a month or so to himself.

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Posted by MrsQ-in2007

My own personal opinion is that I would want my DH to get a second job too, if we were in your situation and wanted to get a house sooner rather than later. This will obviously be something that you two will need to come to an agreement on, but if I were you, I'd want to get out of the current situation as quickly as possible and would want my DH to help do that. He'll basically be off MOST of the month - he can still do his boating and have a lazy summer if he just gets a part time job. Sorry you're going through this!

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in absolute agreement...DH & I went through this a little while ago.. bottom line is 18days off a month is a lot. he can pick up a parttime job that he ENJOYS and all of the extra cash can be stashed away into savings since u're basically living for free right now. I'd make it less about 'I WANT A HOUSE', and more about 'I really want to start our own life together'...try to TALK - not argue. If u argue & it seems like ur forcing it 'for a house' he may become resentful, just like u're going to be resentful if he's adoment about NOT getting a job. Bottom line is - there needs to be a compromise here...thats what marraige is about. ur not asking that he works every single day from morning till night - ur asking that he jointly adds to ur future by earning a little extra cash. I agree with the job on the water - like i already said - he can pick up something that he enjoys & gives u guys extra mula....once he does it, he'll be glad he did. best of luck with all this..keep us updated!

I don't think you are wrong BUT my DH has off from November to March with NO WORK and I couldn't get him to get a second job. It really stinks but his reasoning is that he works SO hard during the spring/summer/fall ((from 6AM to 11PM, 7 days a week, no days off)) that he deserves his time off.

I resented him at first but now I really appreciate our time together. I don't know - we are also living with my parents and I know it will take a little longer to buy a house. But he is just SO stressed when he is working and so wonderful when he isn't. . .

I also don't feel it is my place to tell him to get another job. I have definitely suggested it, more than once but that is all I can do at this point!

Good Luck!

Well as a former boat owner myself I would have LOVED to had the summer off to spend more time on it! One of the reasons I sold it was i couldn't justify the expense when I only got to use it a few times...and I do miss it

BUT if you worked 2 jobs to help pay for the wedding...then he needs to see that it's his turn to step up...maybe you guys could come to an agreement where he'll start a 2nd job in July or Aug? Then he gets to get a good month or so of summer boating in...just a thought...since marriage is always about compromise...hahah...good luck!

I might be in the minority here, but I'd let him keep his summer!

For us, Steve has his masters in secondary education for history.. and wasn't able to get a job when we moved to CA. I did get a job, and I work full time.

For now, he subs as much as he can, which can sometimes be 5x/week, or sometimes he'll have a whole week off.

I haven't pressured him at all to find another job. If he doesn't want to sub one day (like yesterday!) because the waves are looking nice and he'd rather be surfing... I just throw him the sunblock and say HAVE FUN!

We also want to buy a house soon, and we have money saved for a down payment (although of course we could use more!) We live comfortably on my salary.. we never struggle during the month to pay bills or anything, and we eat out probably 1x/week.

Maybe it's my thinking after Steve's accident.. but life is SO short. I would never want him working just to make me happy or just to put a little more $ in the bank if he would be miserable doing it. I love to come home and see the big smile on his face as he tells me about how much fun his day was.

I honestly don't feel resentful at all, and I found that he's happy to do whatever I ask around the house while he is home. He even does so much now without asking! (like steam cleaning the carpet, or taking our dog for a haircut). He even wakes up in the morning when he's not working, and makes me breakfast And I still do most of the housework and cooking, but those are things that I love to do.

Anyhoo, I just think life is way too short... you should be doing things that make you happy!

And if it takes us a little extra time to get a house, then so be it. We're having fun now and we're both relaxed and stress-free!

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Posted by hayleyandsteve

I might be in the minority here, but I'd let him keep his summer!

For us, Steve has his masters in secondary education for history.. and wasn't able to get a job when we moved to CA. I did get a job, and I work full time.

For now, he subs as much as he can, which can sometimes be 5x/week, or sometimes he'll have a whole week off.

I haven't pressured him at all to find another job. If he doesn't want to sub one day (like yesterday!) because the waves are looking nice and he'd rather be surfing... I just throw him the sunblock and say HAVE FUN!

We also want to buy a house soon, and we have money saved for a down payment (although of course we could use more!) We live comfortably on my salary.. we never struggle during the month to pay bills or anything, and we eat out probably 1x/week.

Maybe it's my thinking after Steve's accident.. but life is SO short. I would never want him working just to make me happy or just to put a little more $ in the bank if he would be miserable doing it. I love to come home and see the big smile on his face as he tells me about how much fun his day was.

I honestly don't feel resentful at all, and I found that he's happy to do whatever I ask around the house while he is home. He even does so much now without asking! (like steam cleaning the carpet, or taking our dog for a haircut). He even wakes up in the morning when he's not working, and makes me breakfast And I still do most of the housework and cooking, but those are things that I love to do.

Anyhoo, I just think life is way too short... you should be doing things that make you happy!

And if it takes us a little extra time to get a house, then so be it. We're having fun now and we're both relaxed and stress-free!

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i totaly agree with this.. but I feel like its only for 2 years and then he can have all the time in the world. I also love to see him happy and it would not be something that he would have to work all the days he has off, just a few here in there, so we can make our dream come true that much sooner. But I don't fight at all with him, we just disagree and I let it go. But you saw how short life can be, and I need to remeber this some times too