For Newlyweds Only - Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

waterspout4 Posted: Nov 30, 2006 01:18 PM

Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

I seem to be having a problem merging bank accounts, insurance, etc. We even go to the grocery store and we pay for food separately. It's a block that I am trying to work through. We did it for 2 years before getting married and it's a hard habit to break.

Granted, we opened a joint savings account to pay for the wedding. But we still have separate checking accounts. It's my hangup. I don't want to be like my mom who was your typical 50s housewife. I'm scared to spend more than what I put into our accounts. My DH makes about 50% more than me and I feel weird when he wants to help me out. Did anybody else go through this? Do we just jump in? Then I wonder what I will do once I become a mommy (God willing). TIA!!!

Kerrycec Posted: Nov 30, 2006 01:53 PM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

actually about 2 years before our wedding DH and I joined almost everything and we've been doing it ever since. Its never been an issue for us.

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: Nov 30, 2006 02:17 PM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

it hasn't really been a problem for us. after the wedding we merged bank accounts, and now its 'our' money... DH had a little bit of a problem in the beginning, but he's good with it now..
What do you mean you buy food separately at the supermarket? Don't you live together?

libby2595 Posted: Nov 30, 2006 02:49 PM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

Posted by LaurenluvsTJ
What do you mean you buy food separately at the supermarket? Don't you live together?

now, to answer the question... i had a hard time with it at first. although he makes more money than i, i had been a single-mom for FOREVER. so i was trained (the hard way) to only count on ME.

it was hard to think that someone else would see where i spent my money.

i've slowly gotten over it. i still have a savings account in only my name... i only have $100 in it, but it helps me feel secure that 'something is mine'... i know i'm crazy, but it works for me

moonlitee Posted: Nov 30, 2006 03:08 PM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

a few months b4 the wedding we opened an joint checking account and got cc together. I manage all the $$ even though DH makes most of it...it was weird at first but what I do to watch our spending is we opened two separate checking a/c which I call our spending accounts and I have a certain amount of $$ transfered there every paycheck and that is our spending account so our joint a/c is really for stuff like bills, etc.

the thing I have the most trouble sharing is the bathroom

cindyandkevin Posted: Nov 30, 2006 05:38 PM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

I can't say I have a problem with it, it's been pretty easy so far!! DH gives me $$ for his half of the rent and food and I pay for that, it's the way we've been doing it for the past 2 years living together. We pay all of our other bills separately.

After the wedding we set up a joint savings account so that's 'our' money that we're putting towards our house and anything else 'we' may need. We still have separate checking accounts and we're discussing getting a joint account so all of our $$ is in one place. He makes more $$ than I do and I certainly don't mind the help from him, it's all necessary to keep the household gong. We're both pretty good about not spending more than we bring in so I'm not really worried.

Mrs. dleeny Posted: Nov 30, 2006 09:11 PM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

not at all, the opposite in fact. we merged all our bank accounts less than 2 months after our wedding. it was a fantastic feeling

MrsD06 Posted: Nov 30, 2006 09:37 PM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

I definitely had a hard time with this in the beginning. We have been together for over 10 years now and even though we always figured 'it all evened out' and both paid for things we had separate accounts and ccs...we now have joint accounts and if we spend a lot of money on something we discusss it first..it's fine now, but I had a hard time adjusting for the first several months!

waterspout4 Posted: Dec 01, 2006 02:35 PM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

What do you mean you buy food separately at the supermarket? Don't you live together?

Yes, we live together. We don't eat the same food most of the time. (Docotrs put me on a strict diet because of my illness.) So if we are in the grocery store together, I'll by my food and he'll buy his food. I don't want him to eat stuff he doesn't want. (ie: I buy skim milk, whole grain rice, etc and he buys whole milk, yellow rice, etc.) Goodness. As I type this, I think I've gone insane. What the hell is wrong with me?

I guess it's mainly the shopping. We have the joint savings account and we opened a CD with our wedding money to put toward a home. We still pay our credit cards ourselves. We did get extra cards for each other.

In essence, we had been talking about merging our checking accounts, but he was up for OOT jobs and we figured we'd wait until we were 'settled' somewhere. He is supposed to hear within the week about this latest one.

waterspout4 Posted: Dec 01, 2006 02:37 PM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

Posted by cindyandkevin

I can't say I have a problem with it, it's been pretty easy so far!! DH gives me $$ for his half of the rent and food and I pay for that, it's the way we've been doing it for the past 2 years living together. We pay all of our other bills separately.

After the wedding we set up a joint savings account so that's 'our' money that we're putting towards our house and anything else 'we' may need. We still have separate checking accounts and we're discussing getting a joint account so all of our $$ is in one place. He makes more $$ than I do and I certainly don't mind the help from him, it's all necessary to keep the household gong. We're both pretty good about not spending more than we bring in so I'm not really worried.

Cindy, you do what we do. But mine is weird sounding.

Jen2999 Posted: Dec 01, 2006 04:40 PM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

We have separate accounts still. He has a COMPLETELY different way of handling money than I do and for now I dont need the extra stress of trying to manage his money too. When the bills come in we just spilt them up and we kinda just 'take turns' with food and buying other stuff. It all works out and for now, I am fine with it. If I need money he will give it to me and vice versa..

akaMrsT Posted: Dec 01, 2006 06:21 PM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

Posted by Jen2999

We have separate accounts still. He has a COMPLETELY different way of handling money than I do and for now I dont need the extra stress of trying to manage his money too. If I need money he will give it to me and vice versa..

ditto

MrsBrags7706 Posted: Dec 04, 2006 01:23 PM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

yes!!!! i hate it!!!
i had alot more stuff then him, so its allll still mine!

im like get off the comp. and he says no, so im like its my computer! and he says no its OUR computer! no no no no! mine mine mine! i hate sharing!

ssdbk Posted: Dec 04, 2006 04:31 PM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

To some extent, yes, this felt weird, but not to the extent that we have ever paid separately at the supermarket. I'm self employed and I still do all the bookkeeping/ banking for my company. I write tons of checks to vendors every month, and most months have lots of deposits to deal with
(but would gratefully accept MORE) . I don't enjoy managing the books. So, I do my work stuff and DH does most of the household stuff. I would not be comfortable with this arrangement if I didn't have some account to manage. It would make me wonder if I'd lose my bookkeeping skill. DH does a lot of online banking and I don't. That is the main difference in our styles.

CLMon7906 Posted: Dec 04, 2006 08:26 PM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

My husband had a hard time. Finally one day, he realized how much it hurt me. He has made a huge effort to refer to things as us, our, we and not I, me, you. He also had to stop calling his parents' house 'home' [even though he stopped living there YEARS ago]. Those tiny things just add up and can hurt a person.

ML110 Posted: Dec 05, 2006 09:11 AM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

eh- i find it a little bit difficult. what we did was we have a joint savings and joint checking account that we each deposit a portion of our paychecks to ( he makes more than me, so he puts in more) and we use those to pay for 'family' stuff- food, bills, house maintenance, gifts for relatives,etc.
BUT, we also each kept our own seperate accounts too because we're not ready to totally share money this way, if i want some new clothes, i use my own account, and he doesn't care.
now, i take my lunch to work everyday so when we use out joint account to buy groceries, hes paying for my bread, lunchmeat, etc that he doesn't eat... but he doesnt' worry about it since its only a few dollars- ya just gotta get passed it i guess

R&J0806 Posted: Dec 07, 2006 09:59 AM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

We haven't officially merged our money in the form of a checking account, but will be doing so in the next few weeks since we'll soon have a mortgage to pay. It will just be easier. But I'm nervous about DH because he's not very good at keeping to a budget and I'm afraid he'll see a lot of $$ in the account and not realize that most of it is going to bills.

For now, I've totaled up all of our household expenses and he give me half. I divide it by four since he gets paid weekly so I get the same amount each week. I deposit it into my checking account and pay all of the bills.

We have one joint credit card and one credit card is in my name only. He doesn't contribute to the card that is in my name and if I use the joint card, then I'll just pay for my purchases only. I'm responsible for my bills, such as my gym membership, LIRR ticket, etc. He's responsible for his -- student loan, etc.

We take turns paying when we go out but we'll also give each other small amounts of money without thinking about it if needed. (i.e. - I need money to go into Starbucks or we're going thru a drive-thru and he can't get to his wallet.)

I used to look at it as that it wasn't fair for me to have to contribute to paying his loan since I don't have any of my own. But I recently realized that my gym membership + train ticket is about the same amount as his loan so really, it's just extra bills that happen to be the same amount so if you want to get technical, even when we share $$ entirely, nothing is really changing.

I'm trying to look at it as our monthly income is now XXX rather than MY monthly income is XXX.

lipglossjunky73 Posted: Dec 07, 2006 10:13 AM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

We were living with each other for 2 yrs before we got married, so everything was pretty much mine/yours right from the very beginning!

waterspout4 Posted: Dec 08, 2006 12:31 AM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

Thanks for your thoughts!!!!! I'm actually doing better. I was very uptight, still wanting to be independent and not have to rely on a man. I was stuck doing this for so long before him. But now I realize that I contribute to this marriage too. We both contribute, whether its money, love, prayers, etc. We are equal partners for life. I love him so much!! If he wants to buy me a melon, then I shouldn't freak out!!!

Tria1110 Posted: Dec 08, 2006 10:39 AM

Re: Are you having a hard time going from 'mine' to 'ours'?

We bought a house together which we've been living in for four years before we got married. At that time we opened a joint checking account that we each deposited enough money to cover monthly house bills. We kept everything else pretty much separate.

Now that we are married we made an appointment with a lawyer to make up a will and I am having a hard time dealing with the 'we' factor. For example, I own an apartment - which I purchased on my own. I don't mean to sound nasty but I look at that as if it were mine. And I think he does too. But its weird to finally come face to face with this issue.

Good Luck to everyone!