big problem need advice...long

big problem need advice...long

So here's another problem in my life!!! Get this, my husbands best friend, who is godfather to our baby is getting married. I have always tried to be pleasant and friendly to his fiance even though we are very different. I slipped and said something to her I shouldn't have about one of my friends who she also knows. I asked her to keep my confidence and she assured me she would. Low and behold she didn't and my friend found out what I had said. It wasn't anything mean or vicious that I said but I betrayed my friends trust nonetheless. I apologized to my friend profusely and admitted I was wrong and it just slipped out which is no excuse really. Well, we are no longer friends which I am upset about and I have to see and interact socially this person who I trusted and shouldn't have. The baby's christening is next month and she will be there and my friend probably won't, even though I sent her an invitation. I told my husband the situation and that I didn't feel the desire to 'hang out' with his friend and fiance but he was more than welcome to if he chose (without me). He thinks I am wrong and should just let the whole thing blow over. I don't know how I should act now. I will have to see these people anyway since my husbands friend is my babys godfather and my husband is in his wedding which is this year. Any advice would be appreciated! I am a trustworthy person and I don't know hy I slipped this one little piece of info out about my friend. But I can understand why she is so upset. Trust is so important.

big problem need advice...long

There seem to be 2 separate issues here:

I think that if this person is your baby's godfather, you will have no choice but to hang out with him and his future wife. If you don't, it may cause problems between your husband and you.

Clearly you shouldnt trust his fiancee but since she is really not your friend, she didnt have much obligation to you to keep your comments to herself. And since you never really enjoyed her company, this situaion should make things no different.

Obviously, you know you made a mistake and apologized to your friend. Thats all you can do. Understandably, she may no longer trust you and may never want to befriend you again. Hopefully she will forgive you.

It seems very complicated but since you were in the wrong, you may have to eat a lot of crow before you are in good graces again.

Good Luck.

sonictef...but what about...???

I know I was wrong 100% but everyone my husband and ex friend included is telling me not to say anything to the fiance about what happened. I feel like this is just going to perpetuate things and make the time we will have to spend together more uncomfortable than it normally would be. I am being held accountable for what I did, shouldn't she be??? I know I broke a confidence but she also broke mine and I understand that she may have no obligation to me (even though we have known each other more than 6 years) but what about when she broke my trust.

I will definately 'eat crow' when it comes to my friend, but with the fiance too?

sonictef...but what about...???

Tough situation..but what would I do? I would let the fiance know what happened when she broke your confidence. Express how sorry you are that in a moment of weakness, you shared information that u should not have..and now you know u shared the info with someone else who cannot HONOR your request to keep it quiet.
While her future hubby is the GOdfather, that does not make her the Godmother, so I would not keep quiet and 'let it blow over' (Sorry to say but this is can be viewed as a typical GUY way of handling things. Their relationships are wired differently..so OF COURSE a guy wouldn't be AS affected by this situation)

Again, I am sorry,beck, that this happened. Please remember that I am a pretty straight forward gal, not one to mince words, so maybe this approach may not work for you.

sonictef...but what about...???

I would probably do the same as phyl but remember: if you do so you may permanently damage your husbands relationship with his friend and your baby's godfather.

Not that it should be that way, but it could backfire.

Just understand the risk you take by confronting her.

I agree with Phyl... (long)

Beck there is NO WAY I would stay quiet, however I think the manner in which you approach it will make all the difference... Sonicstef is right, you are taking a chance...

If it were me, I would just pull the fiance aside and NICELY tell her that you want her to know that you are really a trustworthy person and that you had a lapse in judgement when you disclosed your mutual friends info to her... Then tell her that you're aware that she had the same lapse in judgement when she went back and mentioned it to your mutual friend... Tell her that though this situation has altered your friendship with both parties for life, you don't want there to be any more hard feelings and that you hope that you have both learned to be more discreet. This way, it's not completely accusatory, you're taking full responsibility for your actions but also making it perfectly clear that she was wrong as well. Also, it helps the two of you move beyond it so that you both can be 'cordial' when in one another's presence.

Now of course the disclaimer to this posting is that this is MY OPINION and how I would handle it... I too am REALLY straightforward but at the same time I would want it to be an amicable conversation to insure that we can be comfortable around one another after it...

Good Luck and remember that life is a constant learning experience and I know that you learned from this one...

Ayanna-Anubride

I agree with Phyl... (long)

My opinion ans what I would do:

You need to confront this girl and tell her how you feel. Let her know that you trusted her b/c of the relationship her fi has with your husband. Let her know how she has runied your friendship with that other girl. Let her know that you are hurt and that you will never trust her again and that she has ruined any realtionship that the two of you could have ever had. Maybe that will make her realize that she was wrong. Let her know that you will be civil b/c of the relationship the boys have but that is it.

I think that is is wrong of your husband to expect you to just let it be....but I do understand where he is coming from b/c it is one of his good friends but this woman has runied one of your friendships with no regard to you- so why should you go out of your way for her.

I think if you let her know how you feel and that you will be the bigger person and not let it ruin your husbands realtionship but that is the only reason-----she will feel bad and hopefully try to fix things. If not she is definatelty not the type of person you want in your life and I would hope that your husband will understand.

Why should you be the one to understand--she obviously didn't think about the ramifications of her actions to the realtionships involved---so there is no way I would sit back.

let us know what happens.

thanks to everyone...

I really want to thank you guys for your posts. Even though I was in the wrong, no one here judged me, just gave me good advice and support. I have been feeling so horrible and like a complete heel. Even though I have lost a friend (I think our friendship was more important to me than her anyway since I had to call her the majority of the time and she never would invite us out or come to our house with her boyfriend when I invited her), I have learned a valuable lesson and gained alot of insight on myself and others.

As far as the fiance, I will definately say something to her. I know she will ask me why our other friend is not at the baby's christening, and I will tell her this is not the time or place for this conversation but we will need to talk afterwards.

I will let you know what happens...thanks again. You all have made me feel better about myself.