Now that you said yes you would want to know about them, how would it make your parent feel if it was something they didn't want back in their life? Would you respect his or her wishes or would curiousity get the best of you?
I think I would still want a relationship with them, while they may not . I think whatever it was in their past is in the past and they have to come to terms with it, but I shouldn't have to miss out on a relationship with my sibling. Also, maybe that relationship can bridge the gap between my parent and that sibiling.
This is hard for me to envision and take seriously bc my parents have been married for 36 yrs...so the idea that there is another child floating somewhere is unrealistic to me. If it really hurt my parent(S) then I think I prob would eliminate contact with this person.
Wow this is hard. I mean I would love to know about them and meet them but if my mom or dad did not want me to I would not. This is actually funny b/c DH has a half brother who's mom really F'd over my FIL. DH not only wanted to invite him to our wedding but put him in the Bridal Party. Um we have been together for 9 years and I never met him and FIL has issues with him. In the end he did not have him in the BP and he never RSVP'd or anything. So, I would not contact them b/c of my parents.
Posted by bluekat16
I think I would still want a relationship with them, while they may not . I think whatever it was in their past is in the past and they have to come to terms with it, but I shouldn't have to miss out on a relationship with my sibling. Also, maybe that relationship can bridge the gap between my parent and that sibiling.
Posted by lizzie217
This is hard for me to envision and take seriously bc my parents have been married for 36 yrs...so the idea that there is another child floating somewhere is unrealistic to me. If it really hurt my parent(S) then I think I prob would eliminate contact with this person.
Posted by jaep129
Wow this is hard. I mean I would love to know about them and meet them but if my mom or dad did not want me to I would not. This is actually funny b/c DH has a half brother who's mom really F'd over my FIL. DH not only wanted to invite him to our wedding but put him in the Bridal Party. Um we have been together for 9 years and I never met him and FIL has issues with him. In the end he did not have him in the BP and he never RSVP'd or anything. So, I would not contact them b/c of my parents.
Hmmm no. I wouldnt contact them unless my parents said it was ok. It would just create drama and akwardness. But again this is hard to imagine.
Posted by Mici n KC
Posted by jaep129
Wow this is hard. I mean I would love to know about them and meet them but if my mom or dad did not want me to I would not. This is actually funny b/c DH has a half brother who's mom really F'd over my FIL. DH not only wanted to invite him to our wedding but put him in the Bridal Party. Um we have been together for 9 years and I never met him and FIL has issues with him. In the end he did not have him in the BP and he never RSVP'd or anything. So, I would not contact them b/c of my parents.
Right, do you stir the pot? Who is the more selfish person? Your DH or his FIL? It's a tough call.
nope I would respect what my parents thought of the situation. I have to think of it from the OTHER side. What if DH had a baby with some other woman a while back, but the kid wasn't in our lives at all? I'm gonna be honest when I say that i know it would kind of hurt me that he had another kid out there and I wouldn't really want to know him or her. I wouldn't want MY children to know him/her either. It would probably kill me if my child wanted to meet them, just because if the kid is in THEIR life, then the kid's kind of in mine as well, ya know? And maybe I wouldn't wanna be reminded of the past and how much I was hurt by it. I don't know. Maybe i'm wording this wrong. I'm just saying that if parents don't want a relationship with this child, then there's probably a reason and I just feel like I would try to respect that, as I would want MY future children to respect Me & Dh's decisions on things as well.
Posted by RockysGirl
nope I would respect what my parents thought of the situation. I have to think of it from the OTHER side. What if DH had a baby with some other woman a while back, but the kid wasn't in our lives at all? I'm gonna be honest when I say that i know it would kind of hurt me that he had another kid out there and I wouldn't really want to know him or her. I wouldn't want MY children to know him/her either. It would probably kill me if my child wanted to meet them, just because if the kid is in THEIR life, then the kid's kind of in mine as well, ya know? And maybe I wouldn't wanna be reminded of the past and how much I was hurt by it. I don't know. Maybe i'm wording this wrong. I'm just saying that if parents don't want a relationship with this child, then there's probably a reason and I just feel like I would try to respect that, as I would want MY future children to respect Me & Dh's decisions on things as well.
Well here's my answer since I asked: I think I would connect with them and just exchange medical information. I don't think at this point in my life or out of fairness to my parents, I would have this person in my life. Whether someone is trying to search for their sibling and they find you, it might end up causing a lot of heartache in the family.
Posted by Mici n KC
Whether someone is trying to search for their sibling and they find you, it might end up causing a lot of heartache in the family.
Posted by RockysGirl
Posted by Mici n KC
Whether someone is trying to search for their sibling and they find you, it might end up causing a lot of heartache in the family.
I agree- and this is why I don't like to watch that show 'The Locator' lol. Like when a person searches for the biological mother who put them up for an adoption or the father who left. I don't know. I just feel like there's a REASON they didn't parent you. To go hunting them down (not to mention on TV) could just cause problems. Of course there are other scenarios I'm sure, but that's all I've seen before I stopped watching cause I just thought the whole concept was wrong. I would hope that they don't surprise them at least. Like going back to my original comparison - if DH had a kid and I was very hurt by it and uncomfortable about him or her EVER being in our lives, it would make me so crazy if s/he showed up 35 years later on our front porch. If that were the case then, maybe the daughter/son should consider the fact that perhaps their biological 'dad' wasn't in their life because he didn't want to be and it could hurt him AND his new family for all of that old business were to be brought up again. I realize this is kind of a tangent now. lol. But this post just reminded me of that show. If DH & I WERE in that kind of scenario, I would hope that we would get a call FIRST so that we could talk it out and decide if we wanted to see the daughter/son all those years later. (same as to if I had gotten pregnant really young and gave it up for adoption - maybe I don't WANT to be reminded of that mistake I made in my life, ya know?) Anyway - enough about The Locator. lol![]()
Posted by Mici n KC
Posted by RockysGirl
Posted by Mici n KC
Whether someone is trying to search for their sibling and they find you, it might end up causing a lot of heartache in the family.
I agree- and this is why I don't like to watch that show 'The Locator' lol. Like when a person searches for the biological mother who put them up for an adoption or the father who left. I don't know. I just feel like there's a REASON they didn't parent you. To go hunting them down (not to mention on TV) could just cause problems. Of course there are other scenarios I'm sure, but that's all I've seen before I stopped watching cause I just thought the whole concept was wrong. I would hope that they don't surprise them at least. Like going back to my original comparison - if DH had a kid and I was very hurt by it and uncomfortable about him or her EVER being in our lives, it would make me so crazy if s/he showed up 35 years later on our front porch. If that were the case then, maybe the daughter/son should consider the fact that perhaps their biological 'dad' wasn't in their life because he didn't want to be and it could hurt him AND his new family for all of that old business were to be brought up again. I realize this is kind of a tangent now. lol. But this post just reminded me of that show. If DH & I WERE in that kind of scenario, I would hope that we would get a call FIRST so that we could talk it out and decide if we wanted to see the daughter/son all those years later. (same as to if I had gotten pregnant really young and gave it up for adoption - maybe I don't WANT to be reminded of that mistake I made in my life, ya know?) Anyway - enough about The Locator. lol![]()
I remember seeing commercials for this show! Pretty crazy! What you said is exactly what I mean. A person may have been given up for whatever reason. I do feel that if there is something related to health that needs to be found out, then that might be different. My uncle was lied to his entire life about who his father was and just everything by his mother (which is completely different than an adoption, but still). It's terrible. I mean if you need to know medical history, I think that might be okay kind of. Eh, I guess it's just a sticky situation. If no one knew about this person and they surface making claims, what do you do?![]()
