Could really use some 'friend' advice

So I've posted in the past that I have an old friend who's been flaky at best since I've known her. She was married shortly before me, and I was going to be a BM, but it was a weird situation that put me in the BP (the salesgirl at DB put her on the spot asking if I was a BM, and she just said yes, when I don't think she had any real intention of having me) so I dropped out of the BP of my own volition because some other weird things were going on as well. She was cool with it, because I said that we should just be guests at each others weddings and not have the added pressure, and I know she was relieved that she didn't have to be in mine either. But I went to her engagement party, shower, and wedding, and participated in everything and gave gifts for all occasions.

So I didn't have a formal engagement party so I can't fault her for that one. I had posted back in the summer the routine she played with my shower, how she tried to bail on it a week early but then was caught in her lie because she had the wrong weekend written down, and then sent me a FB message 15 minutes before I left for the shower claiming she was 'sick' and couldn't come but would call me to get together to give me my present later in the week. Well that was August, and she never called, never gave me anything, and I wasn't about to hunt her down for a gift, because I don't roll that way.

So in my heart of hearts, I knew that even though she RSVPed yes for my wedding, that day of she'd bail. She ran in to my BM a week prior, who was still pissed about the shower, and she was like well you're coming still right??? She said yes, 'definitely'.

So morning of the wedding, I check my email just to make sure I had no last minute vendor emails, and see I had a FB message from her, really long winded, saying how her boss told her she couldn't have off anymore from work and that he didn't care she had a wedding and that she had to come in, and the same horse and pony show about but I'll call you this week so I can give you your gift. Needless to say, I was furious, and not about to respond to her THEN, so I made other arrangements, and didn't respond to her.

And just as an aside, this isn't the first time this has happened...other instances (though not as important events, just like dinner, lunch, movies, concerts, etc.) have occured like this for nearly 10 years. The excuses are always the same, and it's like crying wolf at this time, so I legitimately do not believe for one moment anymore that she's 'sick' or has to 'work'.

So now it's Wednesday. I still haven't responded. I'm pissed. I know I need to write her out of my life completely. I don't need crappy friends who don't care about me and aren't there for me even when I've been there for them. I just don't know if I should continue to ignore the situation, and her, knowing that she'll never make a second attempt to contact me again, or if I should respond back and tell her that I'm seriously upset with her actions over the past few months, don't think we can be friends anymore, and to take her phantom gifts and shove them? I don't even care about the gifts, it's more like really, fool me once, but fool me twice? And I went to everything even though, guess what, I wasn't feeling too hot for her wedding! Ugh. Appreciate any insight...

wow!!!!!! im so sorry she has done all this to you

you def dont deserve this...imo i think it all depends on what u really want..if u want her to be a kinda friend,tak when u see her etc etc then right her back saying u r dissapointed she wasnt there,but u will see her when u see her and leave it at that..be kinda meanbut not really

now if u r completly fed up..and i dont blame u if u r..write her,tell her how pissed u r,note all the occasions she has baild on and tll her u said u would be there for me and u were not..tell her this is what friends do not do and u r obviously not my friend so plase consider yourself excused from my life cause i need people in my ife i can depend on and call my friend and u cant seem to do that

hth and im sorry u r going through this

I am going through my own issues with friends and have many times in the past. I usually make one last reach out attempt and then leave the ball in their court. In this case I would say the ball is already in her court and if she doesn't reach out to you then its her loss, not yours.

I wrote off a friend for a similar issue...

I think you do not need this person as she obviously doesn't value your friendship. Shame on her and other 'friends' that did this to you, I and other girls. I don't know why it takes a wedding for stuff like this to happen but it truly is a time where you see who matters most to you.

I wrote my 'friend' an email. I told her straight up how I felt. I was my blunt self and honestly, it was the best thing I ever did. She got the message loud and clear.

This was the one which ditched my shower without calling or emailing me or my Mom. And this is the one who literally tried to ruin my wedding by bringing a date who wore SNEAKERS and a bandana at my wedding. Oh and he puked on the table where everyone was eating. Classy I tell you. I was SO pisssed. We were ready to throw them out of the wedding but they ended up leaving after he vomited. And to make matters worse, they did not even bring a card which meant no gift as well. I was FUMING the day after. I didn't really affect me the day of but the next day, I was livid. So, buh bye Jamie!

So, yea I kind of rambled. I talked about this so many times on LIW. LOL, it still bothers me to this day. I had to tell Duet to cut them out of the wedding video. I don't want that trash in my video.

Anyways, Back to YOU! LOL, my apologies. So, yea- I think you should write her off. She is going to do this over and over again and you do not need that! Surround yourself with the people who care.

I wouldnt even answer her back, she doesn't deserve a response, she is a waste of time. Don't waste ur time formulating a response....let her rot!!

She sounds like a total a-hole!

I'd tell her off, but I always have to have the last word. Thats just me.

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Posted by MaggieLuvsJoe

I wouldnt even answer her back, she doesn't deserve a response, she is a waste of time. Don't waste ur time formulating a response....let her rot!!

She sounds like a total a-hole!

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ITA!!! Eff her!!!

It seems like you are a REALLY nice person and that you really dont want to have to deal with confronting her or the drama that follows (I wouldnt either), but you are better off having 1 good friend than 20 like this chick.

shes bad karma and shes killing your mojo... just let her go you'll be better for it.

i know its hard but i don't think you should ever contact her again. especially if she wouldn't contact you. i wrote off a friend a few years ago and did so by just cutting her out cold turkey. we didn't go back and forth fighting with all the 'you did this you did that' stuff. it just ended. and the end result was exactly what i wanted...her out of my life!!

i'm the type that doesn't like confrontation and i avoid it at all costs so this way worked for me. in the end it's up to you how you want to handle it. personally though, i don't think she deserves a response from you. she bailed on one of the most, if not THE MOST, important days of your life. if she doesn't care, i wouldn't care either.

good luck with this. trust me you will feel so much better in a few months when she is completely out of your life and you can go on being a married lady free of her petty drama.

My advice would be NOT to contact her again. If she reaches out to you again (and she probably will) I would explain the reasons why you are upset. Chances are she will apologize, but she will NOT change her ways. You simply have to decide for yourself if you just want to cut her out entirely (I would) or keep her at a certain distance and not paying too much mind to anything she does in the future (hard to do). Unfortunately, in many instances people DO NOT change. It's just the type of person she is. I had a friend for 15 years which was exactly like that...always the excuses and always the drama with anything and everything. Extremely foolishly of me I chose her as my MOH and guess what happened? 4 days prior to my wedding she decided to announce to me that she didnt want the responsibility of being my MOH and that she just wanted to come to the wedding as a guest. Lots of drama followed that and she is entirely out of my life.

You deserve BETTER! Everyone that's ever had a 'friend' like that DOES.