CT may be in my future - UPDATE BELOW!!!

DH has calmed down, update below....




Last night DH came home from work only to go back up today. He is really frustrated with his job. They are making it harder and harder for him to keep this up. Even though they originally agreed to 2 days a week up there and allowing him to do design work from home, they are not living up to their end of the bargain. They are putting him on tasks that require him to be up there and are completely beneath him. They are hiring people above him and having them do the design work. They are complaining about the day a week he is not there, (yes day, he spends 4 up there) even though he has put in way more then 40 hours by the time he comes home Thursday night.

I love our house that we bought and worked so hard on to make it the house we wanted. I am an only child and I love Long Island. I love being around my family. My mom is my best friend and we do so much together. Plus they do so much for us. I have a lot of friends and people who are like my family here, but I don't have DH. I am really afraid its starting to effect our marriage.

But the idea of moving to CT really really upsets me. I don't like it up in that area of CT. Nothing is close together, its all very rural. I wanted to be a city girl, but DH would have hated it. I don't know anyone up there except the people he works with. I like some of them but am not going to be hanging out with them. And he still works long hours so I am afraid I am going to be even more lonely there.

I don't know what we are going to do. In a different economy he would find a job here. But in this economy he is really afraid to leave the stability of his current job.

i know it stinks but maybe ifyou move there and it would only be for a few years and then you guys can try to move back to LI. I know it will be a big adjustment, but I am sure you will get used to it and start making friends.

I know this is hard, but believe me it would be ok.

I moved to Youngstown Ohio right after my wedding. I grew up on LI but lived in the city for 3 years before moving, and I just love the city. I left my family, friends, and everything I have ever known. I have no one here but DH and his family. Its been difficult at times, but its getting better. i miss my family a lot but I have to say my marriage is amazing. DH and I only saw eachother on most weekends throughout our whole relationship, and we always just wanted to be with each other every day (sort of like you and DH) and so when we finally started living together we appreciated eachother so much. What Im saying is that moving away is going to ****...but DH is your future and that's all that matters. Plus, you'll make friends and you'll visit family all of the time.

aww michelle! i feel so bad, and i hear your pain! it stinks that this is what might have to happen...
but everything happends for a reason and who knows you might turn out and really love it there! your family will be there all the time, and you will have plenty of chances to come visit them on the island. i hate change so i know what you are going thru...

if this is what has to happen you have to go there with an open mind, dont go and right off the bat say you are going to hate it...think of all the positives! you spend more time with dh! you can prob find and even better house with more property, and make it your own, and you will be able to start a family sooner!



fell better!!

this is so tough michelle..its going to be hard on someone no matter what u decide...

while dh is still working in CT could he start browsing or going on intervies in LI and maybe he could find something over here

Sent you FM

---

Posted by Iluvpoodles

Moving anywhere is a big adjustment. Because of the prices of homes in NY and the job market, we plan on moving hopefully soon. It'll take time, but honestly, I think you'll adjust. The first time anyplace, school, a new job, whatever, you won't know anyone. It takes time, but I'm sure you'll meet people..

---

Honestly though we got an amazing deal on our house and have put so much work into it. I am not sure we would get much more for our money there. The only thing is taxes here are HORRIBLE!! So we would save a little. But if I could find a job it wouldn't make much difference.

And now we have to sell and buy a house simultaneously which would stink.

Thanks everyone... I think this would be so much easier if I wasn't an only child and my parents didn't have a beautiful waterfront house they will never want to leave and tons and tons of friends down here. I can't imagine them leaving LI and following me to CT.

I think I am scared I still won't see DH that much. He works crazy hours and I am not sure they will change when he is up there. Plus he gives up on his boat work and marina dreams because down here he has the resources through my parents friends who own marinas and have contacts to make that dream a reality someday, and up there your limited to West Marine and they are few and far between.

But I know... if it has to be, I will be ok. Thanks Jess, your right the one positive is starting a family sooner and having less pressure to find a job, which also allows me to start a family sooner.

And its not like I have a crazy social life down here... I have a few friends I hang around but not many.

But summers without Fire Island? Hmmm... not sure I can live with that.

Aww Michelle

Since you're not working FT, maybe you can go up a couple of days during the week for the time being. This might alleviate some of the strain on your relationship AND might help you get used to the area.

If DH has to be there Mon-Thurs - maybe you and Candy can drive up Monday night and spend some quality time with him and then come home to LI for weekends for a little while.

Two of my BFFs live up in the Essex area. It's absolutely stunning and they have fantastic lives and homes but I think it's a bit too rural too. However, if you're close by and need friends, they're both stay at home mom who are FANTASTIC and would be willing to show you around, etc.

I understand the pressure of moving.. I got offered a great position in the city (tele-commuting 2 days) .. We live in ATL now.. But after speaking to DH we both agreed the pay and benefits cannot get turned down.. DH also will be finished with school by the time I take over the position... So we are planning for a move ... Lets see what happens.. Wish me luck and patience.. (I dislike all this moving stuff!!)

If being with your DH and starting a family is important I believe CT is great. But make sure you both plan stuff according to both needs. G/L

So here is the update:

DH talked to his bosses and basically told them they are getting greedy (its ok, they look at him like a son) and they are demanding to much time of the engineers. We'll see if it helped. Either way DH has decided to start looking for a job on LI. In the meantime I will keep looking for something more permanent. If we can't find something by the fall then we will start looking into selling our house and buying one in CT.