DId your relationships with friends change after you got married?

I feel like some of my friends have distanced themselves since I've gotten married. I'm talking lifelong friendships here...I've been BFF with this girl for 20 years. And the other one for 11! We were three peas in a pod..they were BMs..now, they hang out together ALL the time..and never invite me. I always call them and try to get together..but I feel like they're not really receptive. This past weekend I found out about something they are doing that really hurt me. I don't understand why this is happening and I was in tears over it. I don't even know if it's worth it to try and salvage these relationships anymore. I'ma firm believer in the fact that friendships shouldn't be about drama and you shouldn't have to work to keep them up..it should be natural.

Ok, this is soo long and I guess it's a vent. Ugh, I'm just upset about all of this and don't know what to do.

I'm sorry you are going through this!

Are your friends married or seriously dating anyone?
It sounds like they might be jealous...and/or they might have decided unconsciously that you don't need them now that you are married. I would talk to the one you feel closest to (your BFF that you have known for 20 years) and tell her honestly how you are feeling. I know what you mean about not having to deal with drama or work at your relationships w/your girlfriends but...I personally think that these relationships are defintely worth salvaging and I think you do too because you posted this

(I didn't experience a lot of changes in my relationships after I married but...most of -I mean ALL of- my friends were already married! So they were probably like, TG she finally found someone and she can join the club now )

Good luck and please let us know what happens

Thanks for the advice.

The one I've know for 11 years is married....not happily at all. and the one i've known for 20 years is in a relationship...but he's in the process of getting legally separated and she knows she won't be able to marry him for at least 4 years while (if) the separation/divorce happens.

I do think that's part of the issue, but I have other friends and it hasn't happened with them. DH & I like to hang out together alot, but I also like my girl time..and it seems as if they're not interested.

I guess I will try to talk to her...I just kinda feel like that's so highschool...

I know some of my single friends feel like I only come around when it's 'convenient' for me. I don't think it's a conscious thing that people do, our priorities are just different now and single people don't understand that. I don't know if that makes any sense but that's the impression I got. I haven't distanced from too many friends but there are a few that expect me to be exactly the same as I was before. I'm sorry but I can't just meet up at a bar at my will now, KWIM?? I have an obligation to DH and that comes first. Unfortunately, they don't understand that and see it as me only being around when I choose. It's not like that, but they don't get it.

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Posted by anamaree77

I know some of my single friends feel like I only come around when it's 'convenient' for me. I don't think it's a conscious thing that people do, our priorities are just different now and single people don't understand that. I don't know if that makes any sense but that's the impression I got. I haven't distanced from too many friends but there are a few that expect me to be exactly the same as I was before. I'm sorry but I can't just meet up at a bar at my will now, KWIM?? I have an obligation to DH and that comes first. Unfortunately, they don't understand that and see it as me only being around when I choose. It's not like that, but they don't get it.

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Exactly! I tell them, I'm the same person...but I have a husband and we have a life together.

It happens....my friends distanced themselves after I got engaged, and now we rarely speak.

My true friends are my sisters. I have three, and they have always been there for me.

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Posted by DeeluvsVinny

I feel like some of my friends have distanced themselves since I've gotten married. I'm talking lifelong friendships here...I've been BFF with this girl for 20 years. And the other one for 11! We were three peas in a pod..they were BMs..now, they hang out together ALL the time..and never invite me. I always call them and try to get together..but I feel like they're not really receptive. This past weekend I found out about something they are doing that really hurt me. I don't understand why this is happening and I was in tears over it. I don't even know if it's worth it to try and salvage these relationships anymore. I'ma firm believer in the fact that friendships shouldn't be about drama and you shouldn't have to work to keep them up..it should be natural.

Ok, this is soo long and I guess it's a vent. Ugh, I'm just upset about all of this and don't know what to do.

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I haven't had this problem but that's because most of my friends are married already. But the ones that aren't married, things have been pretty normal. And, IMO, any relationship - wether it be with your DH, you parents, siblings, or friends - require work. If I were you, I would talk to them about leaving you out... maybe they're not doing it intentionally, maybe they think you'd rather spend time with your new DH.

Good luck

I'm really sorry you're going through this I think that sometimes no matter what you do, relationships change and people can grow apart. That may not be what you want to hear, but it sometimes happens that lifelong (or longtime) friends drift apart when they are at different stages in their lives or when they make different friendships in their lives. I think you should focus on the positives in your life and try your best not to be hurt by what is going on - I know that is VERY hard to do, but I've come to realize that you cannot change people or how they act, how they treat you, what they think of you, etc., no matter what you do or what you say - all you can do is control how you are and what you do, so just be the best person you can be and hopefully you will attract wonderful friends. In the end, I hope those 'wonderful friends' are your old friends and they come around, but if it means making new best friends, then that's not a horrible thing either.