Dirty Fighting/Bickering

It's so annoying.
We have been fighting for 3 or so days now, and tonight it was harsh.
I'm so sick of it and want it to stop, but I don't want to give in, especially that I feel I'm 95% right.
Any ideas on how to end this mess?
We're newlyweds and should be 100% in love.

I don't know what you are fighting about (I know you said you feel right) but pick a time when things are more calm and have a talk with him that you want to stop fighting. Also, I know this can sound cliche, but don't forget comrpomise as a part of marriage. Are you sure you can't agree to disagree or meet in the middle?

People fight....it's about fighting fair and working towards a resolution. Just because you are fighting doesn't mean you're not in love, being a newlywed can be a hard time because it's a transition period.

My DH and I say 'let's agree to disagree'. We are two different people and we aren't always going to have the same opinion.

Both of you need to be calm enough to talk. Even though you feel you're 95% right, being married is about compromise. Hear what your DH has to say and calmly try to discuss. The resolution may be that you don't agree... and that's ok. Just make sure you stick to you feelings and speak calmly.

Good luck!

This was part of a longer article that I posted last week. Maybe this will help a bit.

'Issue #5: We love each other, but we fight a lot.
Along with that white dress came the responsibility of being accountable to, and dependent upon, another person. Who thought fine china led to arguments? Now that both of your actions and visions (and your own ideas of right and wrong) affect each other, fights are likely to pop up. But you're scared shouting means splitting up.

The rescue:
Fight constructively.
You're probably not in trouble. Fighting is healthy, as long as it leads to solving a problem and helps you learn to manage your differences better in the future. One partner should not always be giving up or giving in just to end the argument. The common goal should always be to settle the case. Constant bickering that goes nowhere will take its toll, but a disagreement is better than holding in a concern and becoming resentful. The key is to use heated debates to find a resolution that satisfies both partners' needs.

The next time a fight ensues, outlaw name calling and cursing. It's okay to raise your voice, but don't let things escalate into a screaming match. Each person should present his or her side, then hash out how you might meet in the middle. Explain things in terms of 'I feel'; something like, 'It hurts my feelings when you tease me in front of your friends.' And then back that up with reasons why. Never lay blame, declare absolutes, or point fingers. For example, avoid 'You never take my side!' or 'You're always messing up!' Once you learn to speak rationally, it will be easier to reach a resolution. Always communicate! If fights get nasty and seem never ending, it might be time to consider counseling for one or both of you. Don't think of it as the last straw, but as a proactive way to keep your marriage strong. '

just cause we are newlyweds doesn't mean that we don't fight!

i met these two older women and one said, 'oh you must be soooo happy to be a newlywed.' and i said, 'sure' and the other one went, 'come on eileen, do you remember how YOU were? sometimes being a newlywed is the hardest!'

don't live to fantasies .... it's a transition. just fight constructively. and there is no reason why you can't say, 'i want to end this nasty fighting, but i need you to know that I feel like I am right in this situation.'

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Posted by leese

just cause we are newlyweds doesn't mean that we don't fight!

i met these two older women and one said, 'oh you must be soooo happy to be a newlywed.' and i said, 'sure' and the other one went, 'come on eileen, do you remember how YOU were? sometimes being a newlywed is the hardest!'

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So true. The honesty comes from everyone AFTER the big day!

Thanks Everyone!
I feel so much better.

I have a question....did you two live together before you got married?

I can recall when DH and I moved in with eachother 3 years ago, how hard it was to adjust....there was a lot of bickering.

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Posted by leese

just cause we are newlyweds doesn't mean that we don't fight!

i met these two older women and one said, 'oh you must be soooo happy to be a newlywed.' and i said, 'sure' and the other one went, 'come on eileen, do you remember how YOU were? sometimes being a newlywed is the hardest!'

don't live to fantasies .... it's a transition. just fight constructively. and there is no reason why you can't say, 'i want to end this nasty fighting, but i need you to know that I feel like I am right in this situation.'

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Sooooo true!!!! There's also the fantasy of being a newlywed you have in your head when you get married. For us, we didn't live together first. We're both 'older' and lived alone for many years. The first couple of months were definately an adjustment period and so not what I expected newlywed life to be like. I even said that to DH one night. He thought I was crazy because when I mentioned our arguing, he said... 'when do we argue?' We've never had those dirty fights, we've never raised our voices at eachother, but marriage and living together for the first time is hard.

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Posted by pigs222seal

I have a question....did you two live together before you got married?

I can recall when DH and I moved in with eachother 3 years ago, how hard it was to adjust....there was a lot of bickering.

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DH and I had the same experience! I *believe* that is why people say the first year is the hardest!