So, i am sure many remember my posts from the summer about my battle with my systemic Rheumatoid Arthritis ( i learned systemic comes from the fact that it spread to my eyes
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I have been diagnosed for 10 years and I am still waiting for a miracle. Or at least to feel well and not have to struggle with something regarding my health. I want to feel better and i am incredibly desperate at this time.
I thought things would be better when my doctor added a medicine called methotrexate to my weekly injection of enbrel. i used both medications on their own and failed on both.
Well, when I started the two together, i felt better and my hands stopped swelling. I felt great (except for my back, which is still causing agony-and no heels to make matters worse, since i do have a shoe thing).
That was up until last week. My hands were throbbing and i thought it was just my body reminding me i needed my shot. This week, both hands swelled terribly. i can't hold anything for more than 5 seconds because the pain makes me drop everything. It takes me a few minutes to button something or to zip. I can write for a few moments. It is even harder to type and that is basically why i haven't been on much.
So back to the drawing board. I am going back to my rheumatologist on March 10th. I also see a spinal specialist and I am scared that he will recommend surgery. I never had any surgery before, but the pain in my back was so bad that I has to crawl around to get dressed. I couldn't work yesterday since the pain was so intense. But I know since DH and I are going to talk about TTC in early 2010, I need to take care of this stuff now.
DH has been amazing, but i feel so bad that he has to deal with me like this. i am incredibly mean and nasty and I snap at everyone around me. I hate being like this, but the pain is unbearable. I have pain meds, but then I become incoherent. I feel like i waste my life away sleeping, because that is all i am able to do anymore.
I am going to Puerto Rico in two weeks, which is exciting, but i am frightened that i will be ill the entire time. Nothing excites me right now, and i feel like i am stuck somewhere i don't want to be.
Sorry for the pity session. I know people have it much worse than me, and I should be grateful for that.
But when is this going to end? I want to be able to enjoy life, not be confined to bed as still as possible in fear that if I move, the pain will come back. I am tired of being sick. Ugh!
Sorry again. Vent over. If anyone has ideas that will help, let me know. I am in physical therapy and there is nothing OTC that works. Accupuncture didn't work either. I really want to do kickboxing, but my back is so unstable that I can't yet.
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