Do you think it's wrong...

nov2004bride Posted: Apr 23, 2005 11:44 PM

Do you think it's wrong...

I had to delete because someone I know is a lurker and will go back and tell DH about all this

JodiBabe Posted: Apr 23, 2005 11:51 PM

Re: Do you think it's wrong...

ABSOLUTELY WRONG!!!!!

I am sooooooo sorry that you have to go through this. My DH was walking past while I was reading your post & agreed that it was wrong to leave your wife at home EVERY weekend alone to go out with the guys and especially to do all the packing!

nov2004bride Posted: Apr 23, 2005 11:55 PM

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JodiBabe Posted: Apr 24, 2005 12:07 AM

Re: Do you think it's wrong...

Posted by nov2004bride

I am so upset I feel like staying somewhere else tonight but I know that will solve nothing

Not only that but when he was leaving he knocked over my plant and broke the bowl it was in and when I walked out there after he left, the dirt, broken leaves and glass were all over the floor

nov2004bride Posted: Apr 24, 2005 12:22 AM

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Thank you

Summerbride04 Posted: Apr 24, 2005 12:53 AM

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I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

suven Posted: Apr 24, 2005 08:50 AM

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Posted by nov2004bride

I am so upset I feel like staying somewhere else tonight but I know that will solve nothing

Not only that but when he was leaving he knocked over my plant and broke the bowl it was in and when I walked out there after he left, the dirt, broken leaves and glass were all over the floor

My DH knows that he'd get an azzwhooping for that!!!

Yes, I do think it's wrong for him to be out with friends until 4 am. You said he does this every weekend. Is it really every weekend?

Hey, what's good for the goose is good for the gander- start going out with your friends (make sure to knock sh!t over and break it on your way out), and then maybe he'll get the hint.

nov04LIbride Posted: Apr 24, 2005 09:45 AM

Re: Do you think it's wrong...

Posted by nov2004bride

I am so upset I feel like staying somewhere else tonight but I know that will solve nothing

Not only that but when he was leaving he knocked over my plant and broke the bowl it was in and when I walked out there after he left, the dirt, broken leaves and glass were all over the floor

I was in the same boat with DH. I sat him down and said I did not get married to sit at home alone every weekend. I want someone who wants to spend time with me--who puts the marriage as his #1 priority and is willing to upset some friends to make me happy. I was crying when I said this to him--honestly ready to say if this is how it is going to be I can't live like this. Him seeing how upset I was really helped--I always tried to act like I didn't care, but I was so hurt--why would someone that loves me choose to leave me alone all the time? So we are working on it...We stayed in both nights this weekend, and other times we will go out together...But this was something I felt strongly enough to say if this doesn't change, I am not happy in this marriage. Pick your battles, but for me this one was a deal breaker. FM if you need more support (or if you want to go pick up guys when they go out! )

dm24angel Posted: Apr 24, 2005 10:07 AM

Re: Do you think it's wrong...

It's wrong he ignored your feelings yes. Theres no reason to be out till 4am with his friends. Why doesnt he ask you to go? Thats what I would be upset with. If DH asked me and I said no, then he'd be free to go, but I would ? why he never asked if it were continual. I let DH go and do his thing whenever he wants BUT its because I'm ok with it. If your not, he needs to hear you out and listen or there is a problem.

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: Apr 24, 2005 10:12 AM

Re: Do you think it's wrong...

I have to say I would be really bothere by all of this (his ignoring you, going out all the time, knocking over the plant and not having the courtesy to pick it up).
If it were me, I'd calmly sit DH down and explain my feelings. Let him know how much it hurts you to be ignored and left alone all the time. Something has to change, it's not fair to you.

Lots of

nov04LIbride Posted: Apr 24, 2005 11:19 AM

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What I have learned though is that they have to WANT to change. If he doesn't, that leaves you with the choice of having to change how you react to his actions, or deciding that it is not worth it to you to be treated like this. For me, I did not like who I was becoming when he stayed out late. He was drinking, and driving home drunk, and I was staying up all night worrying that he would get into an accident or get arrested. I did not like being the mother to him. I went into this wanting an equal life partner. Anyway, it does take effort, and his friends still don't get that he will say no if they ask him to go party in the city (minus me) and crash at a friend's, but we are working on it.

MrsERod Posted: Apr 24, 2005 11:30 AM

Re: Do you think it's wrong...

Posted by nov2004bride

I asked DH to stay home with me tonight and he just ignored me. Then at 11pm his friend called him that he was on his way to pick him up. Then DH left with him to go into Rockville Centre to some bars. I am so upset. I even called him to tell him this and he still is out. He goes out with his single guy friends every weekend until 4am. I am so pissed off

Here I am packing up his s**t to move

HELLLL NO! You are absolutely right to be upset! He is not single anymore, he is a married man, and going out every weekend until the wee hours of the morning is just not what a married man is supposed to do. If he wanted to go out every once in a while with the guys, then fine. But it seems like its becoming a really bad habit that needs to be nipped in the butt! I know your first reaction is to do the same and see how he likes it, but I wouldn't. 2 wrongs don't make a right, and it just might make matters worse. I would sit down with him and have a reasonable conversation and tell him exactly how you feel, and what you'd like to see from him, with regards to changing this habit.
oh, and another thing..don't pack a damn thing for him...leave his $H!T right where it is.

my DH hardly EVER goes out, so I'm on the other end of the spectrum.
Good luck, and I hope your talk goes well!!!!

sassy2611 Posted: Apr 24, 2005 11:36 AM

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I would be really mad as well. I don't mind if my DH goes out with the guys but when i ask him to stay home he knows he should stay home. It's called respect. Some people only think of themselves. I would tell him how you feel and voice you opinion and see what he says. I am sorry you had such a bad night. Hope everything turns out ok.

nov2004bride Posted: Apr 24, 2005 11:51 AM

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MrsERod Posted: Apr 24, 2005 11:53 AM

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JimmysBride Posted: Apr 24, 2005 12:15 PM

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Every weekend??? Hell no. That sh!t would not fly in our house and DH knows that. Two reasons: 1) he would HATE it if I did it to him and 2) it's disrespectful to your partner. You don't get married to go out and party like a single guy. Sure occassionally is fine. But every weekend?? Did he just turn 21 or something?

I would sit him down and have a serious talk with him. Calmly, but really let him know that this behavior -on a regular basis- is unacceptable to you in a marriage. Was he like this BEFORE you guys got married??

Sorry you are going through this.

TracyInQueens Posted: Apr 24, 2005 08:46 PM

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Ugh...I am sorry you had to delete so much, but I can understand.

mrswask Posted: Apr 24, 2005 08:49 PM

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Maybe it's not so horrible if he found out you posted about it - maybe it would show him how upset you are about this situation and it was a way to bring up the conversation. Good luck!!