Hi ladies. Just curious, looking for input and advice because I am already starting to resent the fact that he doesn't help me unless I ask him to, if he helps at all. He grew up in a house where his mom did EVERYTHING so I knew it would be an adjustment, but we had talked about it and I thought it would be OK. We both work full time, we are both busy.. I'm just looking for a little help! Thanks for listening.
I don't think that all guys are like this, but I am thankful to have a husband who prefers a very clean and tidy home, so he helps alot! Sometimes, he's better at scrubbing the bathroom than I am.
My husband's habits are from living on his own for several years before we met and married. But, to make things 'fair' we divide our housework and switch chores each week. There are somethings that he always needs my guidance on (like laundry), but we divide and conquer so that we're not spending our lives cleaning the house. Also, we made a deal when we first moved in together that if I am 'the cook,' then he is 'the dishwasher.' So far, we've both held up our ends of the deal. Try to find compromise and don't fight about it b/c then you'll not only be like his Mom (doing EVERYTHING), but you'll sound like her too. Good luck.
Minimally... but I knew that going in and he`s slowly getting better.
He`s genetically incabable of cooking - made himself sick on more than one occasion so I have to stock frozen meals for when I travel. He also says he`ll take me out to dinner whenever I don`t feel like cooking, and he`s happy with a hotdog and soup or with a gourmet meal, so since I like to cook it`s not really a big deal.
He hates doing dishes right after a meal, but will do them the next morning if they are rinsed and left in the sink (we don`t have a dishwasher)
I wouldn`t trust him with laundry. He`ll help fold clothes if I ask.
He does handle the recycling and trash. He`ll run the vacume or swiffer over the floors occasionally.
We rent - so I don`t know how he`ll be about yardwork.
Somebody posted about a site having to do with home and housework - Flylady.com. It`s kinda corny and goofy, but I have tried a few of their tips and it really is helping keep the house uncluttered and I notice that just like they say - he`s noticing and starting to pitch in a bit more, like making sure glasses and snack plates make it from the living room back to the sink.
I resent it at times too, when he`s laying on the sofa after dinner and I`m still doing housework like ironing but I remind myself that I`d be doing most of it if I was single too and he loves being pampered so I consider it part of his pampering and try not to let it bother me. I find it also helps if I let him know what needs to be done. In fact, that`s one of the things behind the Flylady system - have some established routines and it makes it easier to follow. That`s part of his problem is not knowing what needs to be done, and not wanting to learn.
My husband always claimed he was so neat b/c he was in the Navy...HA! I feel like I am always cleaning up after him. Cups and dishes left on the coffee table, clothes all over the couch, and the most annoying thing...soda bottle caps left everywhere! If I am cooking dinner and ask him to empty the dishwasher, he'll do it, but I always hear him make a noise (he always denies it...lol). In fact, he is out golfing now, and what am I doing??? Cleaning the kitchen! He does do laundry though...He folds like a dream! He also usually does the vacuuming. I guess it evens out.
Hmmmmnn....My husband does dishes, makes the bed, does laundry, trash and runs errands. He is clueless when it comes to cooking and I`ve never seen him with the vacuum in hand. Still, I view the relationship and all it`s components as a work in progress and this is no exception. I like things tidier and more organized than he does so the urge is sometimes there to 'just do it myself' but I fight the urge because I don`t want the relationship to be that way for either of us - that I always feel like I have to do something or that he feels that I don`t think he does things good enough....AND I certainly don`t want to prove true the comment that my SIL made to me before we got married. She said 'You will find out that we nag them because they need to be nagged' Yuck! Hopefully it`s not just because I am a newlywed that I disagree. When it comes to discussing making messes, I have reminded him that there are only two of us on this team, if he leaves a mess, I have to clean it and that`s it`s unfair. He seems to have responded to that and it`s not 'nagging'. LOL at the fact that he will drop dirty clothes on the floor 1 foot away from the laundry hamper. He`s new at this sharing space thing too. Good question Christine M
My husband came from a home where his mother did very little in the way of cleaning and cooking, so he was doing the household's laundry by the time he was 10. He does his fair share because that's what he's used to. For the men who had the opposite type of environment growing up, it's probably best if you get him used to helping you as early as possible before bad habits become too ingrained. The way Elizabeth worded it sounds perfect to me. I have a feeling if you make it sound like he would make you the happiest person in the world if he did vacuuming, laundry, whatever, I can't imagine him saying or protesting if you said it sweetly and diplomatically enough. Good luck and let us know if things improve.
Thanks for all the support! I like Elizabeth's 'team' concept!
Well we made a deal when we were engaged.
Rob LOVES to cook...from simple to elaborate
meals. I am a quick & simple cook, but I dont
mind cleaning.
SO- he does all the cooking( except bfast sometimes
on the weekends) and I do all the cleaning-
bathrms, kitchen, dishes, pots/pans, laundry (he
puts away his own clothes) etc.
Thats not to say that he wont run a vaccum from
time to time or straighten out his desk ( usually
when company's coming).
The only thing I was stumped with is that he
has to be pestered to take out the trash.
so, I figured since it mattered to me so much
I should just do it.
So far- it is working. I am just waiting to
see what happens when we have kids!
(I had a pretty strict upbringing so there
will not be any food/drinks in the living
room!)
Ha Ha Ha, sorry don't mean to laugh...my husband doesn't do a whole lot of anything, unless I beg!! His reasons are that he has two jobs, so I should take care of the house. As though working full time and being a mother doesn't qualify!! Anyway,, he will do the dishes, and he has to do his own laundry now, it's a long story how we got there, but we seem to work it out. There's still a bit of resentment on my part, especially when he is home and I'm running around cleaning up (Sat. is my only day to do it) and he's sitting there, reading a weeks worth of newspapers. Oh well, you take the good and the bad - and he does work hard to support our family. Guess I shouldn't complain - he's wonderfuk in so many other ways.
I moved into our condo months before our wedding (alone) but had reconstructive knee surgery right after I moved so was immobile for 5 weeks-- so Jeremy started pitching in right away(the joke was he didnt live there but he had to scrub the toilets)
so now it is even--the kitchen(cooking and all) is his territory, vacumming, garbage and running errands(he works local and I commute to NYC) and i do the rest (bathroom, cleaning, straightening up, etc) Laundry we do together---but there are still plenty of times that i wish he would just be neater--but hey it could be worse!!!
Laura
I'm pretty lucky. My hsuband is a neat freak, so he takes initiative and cleans & does laundry. Sometimes we'll clean together & sometimes one or the other will do it. Same holds true for the laundry, although lately he's been doing it all. We share cooking and disher, I usually do dinner & he does breakfast dishes, or whoever cooks doesn't do dishes.
It's odd that he's so good about housework casue his mom is the kind of person who usually does everything at home.
I had married a pampered princess!!! I never thought my husband would adjust to having to do things for himself. He likes to have things neat, but he doesn`t clean up after himself. I can deal with a little clutter, but not him. I always have to follow him around the house to shut lights off, or put things back. I gave up on trying to locate all the glasses he uses. He is starting to put them in the sink. He does the laundry and I cook and clean the dishes. His job is one day and mine is 7 days...weekends included! Not fair. It annoys me to see him sleep on the couch while I am cooking. He does get home before I do and works 10 minutes from home. I wish he could atleast start it or prepare some of the stuff. He will atleast defrost the meat if I ask him to. Although we were having people over for his birthday he did clean the whole house and I cooked for 20 people. He wasn`t too happy to take the day off and end up cleaning the house. I have to wonder how much he had to clean when we did a lot the week before. He gets annoyed at me that the apartment gets so dusty and it doesn`t bother me. We basically clean every friday night or saturday afternoon because we usually have people coming over on the weekend. I think that motivates him to clean the house....he is happy to have a big apartment and he wants his friends and family to see how nice it is. I`m just glad we don`t have people coming over during the week!!! ;) It's the adjustment stage! I'm worried about buying a house because I can't see him mowing the lawn or anything like that. He is an only child and grew up in an apartment building....so he has a lot to learn! :)
LOL
My husband does attempt to do a few minor things around the house like make the bed, and take out the garbage. His 'defense' to not cleaning the house is when he is at work they do committee work in the firehouse so that should exempt him from cleaning at home.
