Last night DH & I were going out and guess being that I was PMS'ing I started getting sad. Started feeing like....I don't know, like we were getting into a rut or pattern. Going to the same place to do the same thing. Started feeling almost scared that this was happening to us. With his work schedule I sometimes feel like we haven't had the chance to really be newlyweds. Not sure what to do to feel better.
Any thoughts?
Julybaby
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Re: Ever happen?
This is just my opinion only, but I think there is so much pressure to be romantic and so in love as newlyweds. I almost feel that there is this pressurthat this is supposed to be the most exciting year in your marriage. I guess there is so much expectations in your first year and if you feel you don't meet these expectations, then there is something wrong with you and/or your marriage.
Don't feel sad if you feel you are in a 'rut' - first, you mentioned that your DH has a work schedule that sounds like you can't be together or do the things that you like as often as you like. Secondly, who said that you have to act like 'newlyweds' in your first year of marriage only? You can act like newlyweds for your whole life. There going to be times when you may feel that you're in a rut, and there are going to be times when things are exciting for you. Just go with the flow!
I guess I'm rambling on like this because right now, DH and I aren't doing too much for various reasons (work, health, weather). But I'm not letting it bother me because it's bound to happen, either in our first year of marriage or in our tenth. I guess it's all a part of life.
Feel better!
Lisa Rose
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Re: Ever happen?
Personally I like routine in my life. CAll me boring but I like having my husband home each night with me, having dinner, playing on the computer. Some may call that boring or being in a rut but I call it comfortable!
I agree with Julybaby, there is too much pressure out there to be romantic all the time because you are newlyweds. I dont just want romance the first year or 2 of my marriage but for the entire time!!
Personally I like routine in my life. CAll me boring but I like having my husband home each night with me, having dinner, playing on the computer. Some may call that boring or being in a rut but I call it comfortable!
I love this...
friday night I got home and put on sweat pants (they were john's old ones...so they were big)...so he decided to put his legs in the pants too...and we were on the floor laughing so hard...its little things like that
we also like to 'play' on our exercise ball while watching TV
JodiBabe
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Thanks Everyone! I am feeling better tonight!
jennbaby
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Posted by Lisa Rose
Personally I like routine in my life. CAll me boring but I like having my husband home each night with me, having dinner, playing on the computer. Some may call that boring or being in a rut but I call it comfortable!
same here and I couldn't be happier!
verdila
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Me too! I love my routine! I am actually home right now too....hubby is playing tunes while I listen and am on the computer surfing for deals for our vacation to MExico in May!!
JodiBabe
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Don't get me wrong....some routine I love like or routine during the week when he is on days..... home from work I play on the puter he makes dinner then he watches TV while I play more then cuddling in bed together! Saturdays when he is off always starts out with John making us breakfast, also a routine I Love!
Just the other night I was feeling like we were doing the same old Friday night instead of being a little more adventurous like we used to be. Lately we have been going to the same place for karaoke on Fridays & ALWAYS eating there which on my diet there isn't much variety to choose from. We use to go out ALOT & just drive around and find new places to try and I missed that.
We talked alot about how I was feeling and agreed that we will do some different things. He also offered to take me to the movies sometimes (something I like to do sometimes but he doesn't). I haven't been to the movies since last year before I got married. I use to go with my MOH on a girls day out after some wedding shopping. She liked to go & didn't have anyone to really go with and John doesn't like movies so we hardly ever go. I enjoy going bowling with him & we will plan to go more often (now it's more like once every 3-4 months). He is an advid bowler & really good so he kicks my a$$ but we have a good time.
But again, I think we have come to a good understanding and agreement and I'm feeling MUCH better.
verdila
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I think part of married life is routine and the comfort that can be gained from that.... but once in awhile it is great to be adventurous and do something different. It is also great to have separate lives too - like girls night out/guys night out...etc.....or even when you are home and one of you is watching TV while the other is on the computer or listening to music.....that is totally normal and healthy for a good relationship.
JodiBabe
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We do alot of the home together but seperate (him watching TV & me on the puter or each watching different TV shows)
He goes bowling every Sunday morning & bowls in tournaments occassionally but I go with him alot. When he works nights (4-12 or 12-8) then I am home alone most of that time.
verdila
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Do you work different schedules? That can be hard sometimes. It sounds like you are getting into the groove of married life and that is great. Once in awhile my DH & I go to a local comedy club for fun. Also going out with other couples on the weekends is good too.
JodiBabe
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I work days Monday-Friday but his schedule changes. He works 7 days of 12-8am then aoff a few days then 7 days of 4pm-12 then off a few days thea 5 days of 8-4 starting on Sat then 2 weeks of M-F 8-4pm.
His schedule is more of a pita because it constantly changes and when he is on nights I am stuck home because I don't drive.
We have done the comedy club once in a while & we enjoy it but not in a long time.
verdila
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What kind of work does he do if I may ask? Cop? I work m-f 9-5ish and DH is m-sat 8-5ish sooo we are home together alot. On sats when he is working I go to the gym, do errands and have started scrapbooking which is fun. Sometimes we can get stuck in a rut, but its totally normal!! Maybe you can get your drivers license and that way you can do other things when he is not around? I am not sure how you feel about that its just a suggestion. How about going into the city too to mix it up once in awhile. Sometimes DH & I take spontaneous day trips into manhattan and that is alot of fun. Take the train in and make a day of it, see a play, have dinner in a quiet restaurant and shop or walk around (ok not in this cold, but when it is warmer!)
WeddingsRock
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Dh and I now have a saying 'Are we married today/tonight?' because we never really see each other. We also fall into the rut but to be quite frank, I like the rut. I don't need to go out every weekend (nor can we afford it) I was never a big drinker and now with a lot of my friends being pregnant, going out with them has become such a chore. I really prefer to stay home and do stuff here. Don't feel sad, as we get older our expectations and life styles change.
TrayLu47
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I agree with what Julybaby said - there is so much pressure on married couples to put on this constant show of perfection that sometimes we can't just enjoy the small things. If routine is what works for you and your husband, then be happy with it! If it honestly doesn't feel good when you do the same things, then it's simple - Change it up, it's really not that hard!
During my first year of marriage things were not perfect by far!! My husband and I went through many adjustments with our families and friends and as a newly married couple! Sometimes we were not in the most romantic mood! However, we had our moments when we were very happy and well - it's life and it's normal to sometimes be happy and sad!
The bottom line, don't worry about how you're SUPPOSED to feel b/c you're a newlywed, instead, think about what makes you and your hubby happy and what WORKS for the both of you! If it's routine - then go for it!!!
JodiBabe
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My DH works fotr ConEdison on rotating shifts. Legally I could get my drivers liscense but I lost 1/2 my vision (the right peripheral) 7 years ago when I had a stroke during brain surgery. Too many times things sneak up on my right so I have the fear of what happens when that little kid or an animal runs into the street & I don't see them coming. I couldn't live with myself. I'm 41 years old & never driven before so I don't miss it.
shamma
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Television lies, we are living the real life, the tv tells us we must always be out and about and that we must always be on a high, what about the low days, the days we do nothing Those days are good too, they are called quiet times. I love my quiet time with my husband.
For instance, on Saturday after my volunteer work, he picked me up, we went home, he served me lunch/dinner it was after 4, we got under the covers, held each other and went to sleep. The only thing that might have been missing was the dessert
Sometimes we have to break out of the routine, but sometimes we just have to live life and that is what life is about, the highs, the lows, the ups the down, the job, the dishes etc etc. If we used up all our excitement in the early years, what will be left for our later years. Its alright to feel comfortable or regular, we all are regular.
TV sensationalizes everything, no one really lives that way, at least I don't
verdila
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jodijohn - completely understand about your driving. My mom is 61 and has never driven -- she did not go through what you did but I completely understand. It is hard to do something when you have never done it before.
nrvbrd
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For the most part Dh and I do alot of routine things, but you know what- we love it!!!!
We do try new things from time to time to mix it up. We have been together 10 1/2 years so needless to say we have had our challenges in trying to keep it fresh.
I will be honest with you I got married four months ago and I was not your typical NW. Right after our honeymoon, DH had to take two classes AND he had a part time job. I was not happy at first, because I bought into what Newly married life should be life. Well no more.
I am very happily married- we spend alot of time together now, while pursuing our own interests- and you know what- we like to sit on the couch sometimes watch Tv and do NOTHING- that's ok for us.
