Family Drama (long)

Okay, girls. I need your help ...

When we got married last year, DH's brother and gf gave us NOTHING as a gift ... no card and no gift sent after the HM. It was a sore subject for awhile because I knew their lack of a gift was due to thoughtlessness and not b/c of finances (they recently bought a million dollar home and regularly vacation in Europe).

Anyway, I tried to move past it for the sake of DH's family and their happiness. Now, his brother is engaged and is planning a destination wedding. The cost of travel and the hotel will run us about $2000. Despite the fact that other people have complained about the cost, DH and I have been pleasant and have the 'go with the flow' attitiude.

I have to admit, I DON'T LIKE DH's BROTHER'S FIANCE. Regardless of the wedding-gift drama, she is frequently rude and abrasive. She lives in Manhattan and thinks that LI girls are 'lame.' All of her registry items are over $500 which is appalling considering the wedding travel expenses and the fact they've had their own house for years!

We're thinking seriously of not giving them a weding gift for all the reasons I have written here. I don't want to have a bad relationship with them (DH's brother isn't bad; just the fiance) but, in this case, I really feel as they have 'thrown the first punch.'

Any ideas on what to do???

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Posted by N.Y.bride

I think after all the money you need to pay to get down there etc - I wouldnt even have the money to buy a wedding gift. Personally hey it might be rude to some but I think I wouldnt give one either.

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i agree... i dont think i would give them a gift either...

I have been to a couple of destination weddings -before DH and I were engaged so I went with friends. I typically only give a small gift (usually a Lenox crystal picture frame). Neither wedding was $1K per person in travel expenses either

if you want i have some lenox picture frames that i got and didnt like that you can regift to them!!

because of the situation you're describing, i definitely wouldn't give a gift... the point of a wedding gift is to give the couple something ( money, etc) to start off their new lives together... but it sounds like they're doing MORE THAN fine in the money department....
i would go to the wedding, not worry about the gift, and if they ask about it ( she sounds like the type that would bring that up!) then just ask where your gift is....

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Posted by ML110

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i would go to the wedding, not worry about the gift, and if they ask about it ( she sounds like the type that would bring that up!) then just ask where your gift is....

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I agree! Just tell her you liked their gift so much you had to get them the same thing!

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Posted by waterspout4

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Posted by ML110

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i would go to the wedding, not worry about the gift, and if they ask about it ( she sounds like the type that would bring that up!) then just ask where your gift is....

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I agree! Just tell her you liked their gift so much you had to get them the same thing!

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I was always under the impression that if you had a destination wedding and people spent the money to travel, etc., that WAS the gift!

If you feel the need to give something, do as the other girls suggested, give them a picture frame or something like that.

Just a side note- when DH's brother graduated from the Air Force academy in May, I felt bad about not giving him a gift. But DH said 'we spent $800 on air tickets and another 800 on the hotel room. We were there for him and thats what counts'


So I say if youre spending $$$ to go, use that as your excuse for a gift. Especially if they didnt bother to give you one (the bastards!)

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Posted by cjb88

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Posted by N.Y.bride

I think after all the money you need to pay to get down there etc - I wouldnt even have the money to buy a wedding gift. Personally hey it might be rude to some but I think I wouldnt give one either.

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i agree... i dont think i would give them a gift either...

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I agree as well. spending thousands just to be there for their wedding is a gift in itself!

Thanks for all your advice. Definitely helps