For those who have/had Inlaw Problems my FI says things will change once we are married his parents are...
curlysue
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For those who have/had Inlaw Problems my FI says things will change once we are married his parents are...
putting us through hell ever since we got engaged. They are evil people who only think of themselved, their reputation and they fantasize about being other then their not. I have crying more than I have been happy during my wedding planning. MY FI is hurt and I can see he feels bad and he promises things will change and be different and that they will not effect us anymore...did you guys hear that also and did he keep his word? I have such a migrain now they are not involved in the WHOLE wedding planning project because they simply do not want to be BUT they are quick to give us demands of how things should go including how the invitation should look, how many people we should invite on their side (which now is over 100 and they are not paying for their plates) and please I can go on I'm at work I'm here till 6pm please tell me some things to make me happy
alina
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Re: For those who have/had Inlaw Problems my FI says things will change once we are married his parents are...
I would say that you should not put up with their requests and have the wedding the way you want to... Its easier said than done, but in the end its your wedding and not their wedding anniversary party!!! Meaning, even if they pay for their guests, you shouldn't have people there whom you don't care for.
Many many to you
curlysue
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Re: For those who have/had Inlaw Problems my FI says things will change once we are married his parents are...
Thanks for the above post but I forgot to mention something from my original post they said if they don't have their 100 friends invited that they wont come at all either can you believe that their own son who is getting married their friends are more important and that is not a threat to us to say they are not coming that proved that they are such evil full of **** people!!
alina
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Re: For those who have/had Inlaw Problems my FI says things will change once we are married his parents are...
Wait a second. They wouldn't come to their own son's wedding if they can't invite a gazillion of their friends?
Perhaps your FH should speak with them. Either its total bull and they'll come or else they couldn't give a s.h.i.t. about the fact that FH is getting married.
I think its ok for them to invite some friends, but it shouldn't be the 'dominant' guest group
Sonicstef
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Re: For those who have/had Inlaw Problems my FI says things will change once we are married his parents are...
I set the rules early on.....those who pay, get the say.
Since we were paying, any requests from outsiders were treated as that - requests. Which we could comply with or not.
If anyone ever threatened me with not coming if I didnt do what they wanted, they would have been off the guest list.
Dont allow anyone to ruin this time for you. If they dont like, they can get married.
Cindy
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Re: For those who have/had Inlaw Problems my FI says things will change once we are married his parents are...
I had nothing but misery from my husbands mother and sister during my planning. Then they got his relatives against me. It was like a big group that bullied against me. I even had his sister in the wedding in hopes that it would be the bridge to bring us together, but things only got worse by having her closely involved. In my situation, his mother could care less about our wedding, never asking how the planning was or ANYTHING. My husband never said that after the wedding things would be different like yours is saying. I will tell you though, that from the night of my rehersal up to today his mother did a complete turn around. Now she is pretty decent to me. I dont know why or what happened. Maybe it is because she knows all the trouble she caused by saying things about me to ALL his relatives which lead to a scene by his lowlife cousin. Maybe it will change after the wedding. I dont know the whole situation, but dont feel like you are alone.
sanmik
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Re: For those who have/had Inlaw Problems my FI says things will change once we are married his parents are...
I would simply tell them we can only afford this amount of money. My parents can only invite this amount, you can only have this amount and the rest are your and FI's friends. That's that. If they start in with you, you tell them then anything over that amount of people - they are paying. End of story. They are adults, or at least suppose to act like it. They will bend. It sounds like they want to 'show'. Then let it be at their expense. P.S. Include any additional table centerpieces and favors to that 'additional' cost.
SandyP
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Re: For those who have/had Inlaw Problems my FI says things will change once we are married his parents are...
Hi Curlysue,
Sorry you are going through this - I can relate!!! First of all, you have to put your foot down in this situation. Not in the sense of taking action against your inlaws, but really letting your fi know he has to handle this - tell him he needs to resolve things. This is really his problem and HE has to be the one to get them off your back. IMO if you do it, you might be blamed for a lot negative things in the end. Stand your ground and tell your inlaws they MUST pay for their guests or else they can't come! Girl this is YOU and your FI's life, not theirs. If you allow them to do this, imagine what they can do to you AFTER the wedding! For our wedding, we gave each of our parents 5 people to invite of their choice and that was it! If they want more, they must pay! This is the start of your life, not a 'free for all!' Sorry if I'm getting passionate, but I've been there and know what you are feeling!
My hubby and I have been married almost 3 years and it's just now that we have a handle on things. My husband had to finally have a family meeting recently and talk to all of his family in front of me. That was when I started to feel good. There was a lot said and things were brought into the open by my husband, me and his family as well as my family..we were all there! Now we all talk - thank God! My advice is to communicate. Talk to your FI tell him how you really feel and how much you are hurting. Also I would highly recommend pre-marital counseling (by a certified therapist) - it's helps a lot and you really get to open issues before they get worse. Having been married, one thing I can tell you is - problems don't go away when you get married, THEY MANIFEST AND GET WORSE. Deal with this as much as you can now so that you can at least enjoy your wedding an honeymoon. My inlaws, family and some 'so called friends' gave me hell and my first year of marriage was MISERABLE, not because of our marriage (we are very happy), but because of negative people in our lives!!! As you are now experiencing, in laws can cause you alot of unnecessary tears and heart ache! I now wish that we had taken care of certain things before we got married because it probably would'ves saved us some pain, but hey, it's water under the bridge now. Hopefully I can help someone not go through the same thing.
I hope you will get things worked out soon! Remember - COMMUNICATE!!!
Have a great weekend!
curlysue
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Re: For those who have/had Inlaw Problems my FI says things will change once we are married his parents are...
they are coming tonight we are going to tell them what they are putting us thru and that we can't take it anymore. It is best if I don't say anything and have my FI say it all. My dad will talk to tonight because he is the poor guy who is paying for everything and he wants to know what all the fuss is about. My FI Father is the *******. He is a control freak and wants to control to the very end even a wedding he is not involved in. Well this ******* I'm going to see tonight and I'm praying that this will be the last day I cry about my wedding.
The Original 2nd-time-around
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Re: For those who have/had Inlaw Problems my FI says things will change once we are married his parents are...
Stick to your guns. You have every right to have your wedding the way you want it. Keep us posted
curlysue
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Re: For those who have/had Inlaw Problems my FI says things will change once we are married his parents are...
Okay everybody, his parents got up in the middle of the conversation and left saying that they were not coming to the wedding - overall it went well on our side. We stuck to our guns and thats why they got up and left so angry. We told them to cut down their guest list. I'm hearing they are doing so but hearing that they are just cutting the kids whic their wasn't really any. 5 tops we told them it must be X amount of people. I have a feeling that they will not do that and by not doing that they threaten not to come. Last nigh showed how embarrassing they are and how they just think about themselved and not their son. I couldn't help myself girls I did speak up here and there and they did not like that I did. My FI stood up for me on that saying I could say anthing I want. Last night helped me because it gave me the strength to stand up for myself and not let anyone try to control our wedding. I have to see his parents tomorrow for his sisters graduation I'll be honest I'm a little nervous because I already know they think I'm this little b_tch and they will make me feel uncomfortable. But I will keep my head up high. Thanks for your support I know it doesn't end here but I'm strong and this is what you would go through when you care and love someone to death my FI I love him and he is worth all this. :0) I'm going to have a good day today
Cindy
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Re: For those who have/had Inlaw Problems my FI says things will change once we are married his parents are...
Thank goodness your husband is by your side and has his say and sticks by you. I had one of these meetings 2 months before my wedding with my husbands family and he is a wimp when it comes to his mother. So I know how important it is that he is on your side, where he should be. Good luck!
jms0176
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Re: For those who have/had Inlaw Problems my FI says things will change once we are married his parents are...
We had demanding in-laws, too. I had my husband deal with them and I dealt with my parents. We had to lay down ground rules and tell my MIL to back off. In my case, she was over bearing and wanted to help too much. When I did give her a task, it would take her forever like she was making the biggest decisions in the world yet all she was doing was making seating arrangements for her family. Some parents turn wacky like that. It's all about their way of dealing with the fact that their son is leaving and will not be dependent on them anymore. You'll get through this. Just keep it all in perspective.
michele31
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Re: For those who have/had Inlaw Problems my FI says things will change once we are married his parents are...
First of all- GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! Why not give them this option 'You are allowed to invite XX amount of people. Any amount over that must be covered by you because we just simply cannot afford your head count.' Also, about the invites your FH should tell his parents in your presence 'I am sorry but this is our decision. Please respect the fact that we are chosing our own invites.' Why are you even giving them a chance to voice their opinions? I was very direct when I stated to many family members 'This is OUR wedding and we will decide on what is best for us.' honestly, we were writting the checks so we get final say. I made that very clear and a few times people were not happy, but in the end, it was fine and all were happy. And if someone wasn't, tough. They can have their own wedding then. You must stick to your guns. If DH and You give in because of their threats they will use that tatic again and again, over every issue you will have in your lives. Later you will just have them trying to control your home purchase(s), what you name your children, how your children dress etc..etc... Your FH also needs to stand up to his parents and explain that you and he are planning your life together and will ASK for their help if and when it is needed.
