Friday's Funnies
Going to the office
Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'
________________
A man is almost about to die
As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, 'I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them.'
His wife looked at him calmly and said, 'Why do you think I gave you the poison?'
__________________
Shy Bride
You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, 'Sure. You carry the suitcases!'
_________________________-
GUESSING GAMES FOR DINNER
Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children. The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating.
'Is is beef?' The daughter Katie asked.
'Nope.'
'Is it pork?' the son Willie asked.
'Nope.'
'Heck, we don't know, Dad!' Willie exclaimed.
'I'll give you a clue,' the Dad said, 'It's what your mom sometimes calls me.'
'Spit it out, Willie!' cried Katie, 'We're eating an As$holE'
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You prob heard this one but I haven't and thought it was funny!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination.
Motioning her to get dressed, he said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma but I'm glad I came.
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Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'
________________
A man is almost about to die
As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, 'I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them.'
His wife looked at him calmly and said, 'Why do you think I gave you the poison?'
__________________
Shy Bride
You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, 'Sure. You carry the suitcases!'
_________________________-
GUESSING GAMES FOR DINNER
Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children. The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating.
'Is is beef?' The daughter Katie asked.
'Nope.'
'Is it pork?' the son Willie asked.
'Nope.'
'Heck, we don't know, Dad!' Willie exclaimed.
'I'll give you a clue,' the Dad said, 'It's what your mom sometimes calls me.'
'Spit it out, Willie!' cried Katie, 'We're eating an As$holE'
___________
You prob heard this one but I haven't and thought it was funny!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination.
Motioning her to get dressed, he said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma but I'm glad I came.
