His 30th is in three weeks and also happens to be the same day as his brother's wedding (don't ask). For the past two weeks, I have been talking to DH about giving me e-mails for his friends so I can invite them over for a party. Every single day he promises me to do it and every single day it is another excuse. I am so fed up with him - last night I could not believe that yet another day has passed without him giving me the stupid names so I can plan this party. It has been like this for the past week. I hate nagging him and I hate him for turning me into a nag. URGH!!!!!!!!!!!
FunBride
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Re: Frustrated with Husband
On Sunday we pinky-promised he would cut the cigarettes (every day it is another excuse why he HAS to have one) he is also over-weight, drinks too much, works too hard - I want him to LIVE LONG AND HEALTHY and am very concerned with his habits. So the DAY AFTER he promises me he will quit (for like the 37th time) what does he do? He comes home with a fresh new pack of smokes. I couldn't believe it. I didn't speak to him fr the entire night and now we're in a fight.
nov04LIbride
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Re: Frustrated with Husband
Your issues seem to stem from things that you want for him that he doesn't want for himself. Did you ask him if he wanted a party or get together for his bday? Chances are, if he was eager to have one, he would get you those addresses. Maybe he does not want to turn 30, or would rather a quiet night at home...Why not ask him how (and when) he would like to celebrate his bday?
As for the smoking, I can tell you from relatives (my father smoked my entire life) that the person will not quit until they want to. You can nag, throw out cigarettes, and want to hate him, but he has to decide to change his lifestyle. You knew his was overweight, a smoker, a drinker, and someone who works too much when you married him--did you expect to change him? You can't change people, but you can work on changing how you react to his flaws.
melissaandsean
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Re: Frustrated with Husband
did he smoke before you got married? was he over-weight before you got married? did he procrastinate before you got married?
You can't change him. If he wants to change, he will do it, IMO. No amount of begging or pleading or whatever will make that happen. When he's ready to quit, he'll quit.
Jan05Bride
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Re: Frustrated with Husband
Posted by nov04LIbride You knew his was overweight, a smoker, a drinker, and someone who works too much when you married him--did you expect to change him? You can't change people, but you can work on changing how you react to his flaws.
I agree.
bluesashbride
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Re: Frustrated with Husband
' I hate nagging him and I hate him for turning me into a nag. URGH!!!!!!!!!!!'
You can choose not to nag and just accept that he has these vices. I really don't agree that HE is turning you into a nag but that you now chose to focus in changing him. I do, however, understand that it comes from good place. You can only lead by example by eating healthy, working out, etc. and perhaps lovingly remind him you'd support any changes he'd like to make. Maybe plan the meals to be healthier and influence what you can in that regard.
Sweetd
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Re: Frustrated with Husband
Posted by melissaandsean
did he smoke before you got married? was he over-weight before you got married? did he procrastinate before you got married?
You can't change him. If he wants to change, he will do it, IMO. No amount of begging or pleading or whatever will make that happen. When he's ready to quit, he'll quit.
I totally agree, this is so true. I tried to change dh when we were dating (not to smoke any more) and he wouldn't stop. So, I learned to except that he is and will always be a smoker and I have to deal w/ it, b/c that is who he was before he meet me.
I am sorry you are having problems but as far as the emails, can you contact his closest friend for them instead of him?
And for the smoking, maybe a reward program may help?
FunBride
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Re: Frustrated with Husband
Thank you so much for the excellent advice, support and hugs. I took all of what you said in, and apologized to DH. I told him it was MY idea for the party and MY idea for him to quit, and when he's ready to quit, i'm there to support him. In the meanwhile i'm keeping my mouth shut.
hmm8191
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Re: Frustrated with Husband
As someone who quit smoking just over a year ago I can tell you that your best bet is to NOT nag him. It's only going to make him want to smoke more. He'll do it when he is ready and that's the only time it'll work. Believe me! DH hated that I smoked but never, not once, asked me to quit. He was super supportive when I did though and it meant (means) so much to me that he was.
Latrice
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Re: Frustrated with Husband
Posted by nov04LIbride
Your issues seem to stem from things that you want for him that he doesn't want for himself. Did you ask him if he wanted a party or get together for his bday? Chances are, if he was eager to have one, he would get you those addresses. Maybe he does not want to turn 30, or would rather a quiet night at home...Why not ask him how (and when) he would like to celebrate his bday?
As for the smoking, I can tell you from relatives (my father smoked my entire life) that the person will not quit until they want to. You can nag, throw out cigarettes, and want to hate him, but he has to decide to change his lifestyle. You knew his was overweight, a smoker, a drinker, and someone who works too much when you married him--did you expect to change him? You can't change people, but you can work on changing how you react to his flaws.
