Gone Solo after the Wedding..

Its been about 3 months since I got married and I haven’t heard or kept in touch with any of my old friends. I got so much bashing when I was planning my wedding from “that cost to much to Ill that’s ugly” that I kind of drifted apart for awhile. But now that I’m settled I’m wondering if It was me or them...

I’m not a dedicated writer on this site. But I needed someone to talk to that doesn’t know me or these girls to get a clear opinion. Has anyone ever experienced this? Am I silly for thinking that I over reacted or that they were jealous?

I don’t know I just wanted to share....

There is one 'friend' that completely blew me off just before the wedding and while I have ran into her since, I can tell she wants nothing to do with me. I just brush it off.

My true friends stuck around.




When another friend got married before I was even engaged, I gave her some room - I did not know what the etiquette was with newlyweds. Then this friend called and asked why I hadn't called. Is there any chance that this is a cause??

I had a BM who hated my MOH from high school, and they had a fight right b4 they walked down the asile, they both apologized to me, but I was very upset after the wedding, and I still am with more one then the other. I did not know they were arguing about who was going to go down the aisle first and also this is the same friend who was bashing some of my wedding planning too. I am still annoyed at them almost 1 year later, one I hardly talk to and the other I see every once in awhile. I am still upset they took it out on me when I got home from my HM, and will not forget it for a LONG TIME. I deceided that when the time comes to have things like baby namings, baby showers etc. I am going to keep them separate if I even invite them at all. You do not deserve to be treated like cr*ap ! As well as I do not. I hope u feel better by me telling you this. Feel free to FM mail me if u ever need to talk. Thanks for letting me 'vent'.

This is my first post on LIWeddings, even though I've been reading for a while!

I've been married 2 1/2 yrs now, and during the first year of marriage, I noticed a few friends got really distant. I think they just assumed I was 'busy', having gotten married, bought a house, etc.

Over time, things settled back into a routine with these friends, and we're as close as we used to be... except for one. In that case I suspect jealousy is the cause

Hang in there!

---

Posted by computergirl

This is my first post on LIWeddings, even though I've been reading for a while!

I've been married 2 1/2 yrs now, and during the first year of marriage, I noticed a few friends got really distant. I think they just assumed I was 'busy', having gotten married, bought a house, etc.

Over time, things settled back into a routine with these friends, and we're as close as we used to be... except for one. In that case I suspect jealousy is the cause

Hang in there!

---

WOW you read LIW? I don't know how you can do that..
What do you read it for?

pretty much gone solo. My bridesmaids were:

2 of DH's cousin- 1 of them we will NEVER speak to again because she created A LOT of drama. The other one we still speak to, but not like we used to- she kind of got dragged into the drama. Even though things are 'better' with us, I don't think they'll ever be the same.

1 of my good friends- she just doesn't really call me anymore. I feel like I've tried pretty hard, but she only sends an email once in a while. If she invites me somewhere and I can't go, I don't hear from her again for 2 months

1 of my oldest best friends- she also doesn't really call me anymore, but she is going through some 'changes' and she recently moved to Florida.

1 of my cousins- she just asked me to be her next baby's Godmother, so we're always going to be close because her mom is my godmother, so we were close to begin with.

My neice- same relationship since the wedding- I'm still Aunt Susan.

---

Posted by oct.2004bride

---

Posted by computergirl

This is my first post on LIWeddings, even though I've been reading for a while!

I've been married 2 1/2 yrs now, and during the first year of marriage, I noticed a few friends got really distant. I think they just assumed I was 'busy', having gotten married, bought a house, etc.

Over time, things settled back into a routine with these friends, and we're as close as we used to be... except for one. In that case I suspect jealousy is the cause

Hang in there!

---

WOW you read LIW? I don't know how you can do that..
What do you read it for?

---

Here we go again

She was just offering her experience on the matter.

---

Posted by SeptWed

---

Posted by oct.2004bride

---

Posted by computergirl

This is my first post on LIWeddings, even though I've been reading for a while!

I've been married 2 1/2 yrs now, and during the first year of marriage, I noticed a few friends got really distant. I think they just assumed I was 'busy', having gotten married, bought a house, etc.

Over time, things settled back into a routine with these friends, and we're as close as we used to be... except for one. In that case I suspect jealousy is the cause

Hang in there!

---

WOW you read LIW? I don't know how you can do that..
What do you read it for?

---

Here we go again

She was just offering her experience on the matter.

---

ACTUALLY I WAS JUST CURIOUS HOW SOMEONE COULD READ THESE POSTS AND NEVER TALK...WHAT SOMEONE GOT OUT OF IT....SINCE WE NEVER GET A CHANCE TO ASK SOMEONE THAT QUESTION I FIGURED I WOULD ASK....

I WAS NOT STARTING ANYTHING BUT THANKS FOR THE AZZ UMPTION

NOW STOP READING INTO THE THINGS I SAY...SOMETIMES IT IS JUST THAT A QUESTION....

I think Jen just meant , most of us get addicted ten seconds after joining, so she didnt mean anything by it. I hate when people ASSUME people are starting trouble!

To the poster- Im sorry that has happened to you, maybe some time will help, that way the wedding is forgotten in a sense and when your back to reality, things change? I dont know though, Good luck to you.

---

Posted by SeptWed

---

Posted by oct.2004bride

---

Posted by computergirl

This is my first post on LIWeddings, even though I've been reading for a while!

I've been married 2 1/2 yrs now, and during the first year of marriage, I noticed a few friends got really distant. I think they just assumed I was 'busy', having gotten married, bought a house, etc.

Over time, things settled back into a routine with these friends, and we're as close as we used to be... except for one. In that case I suspect jealousy is the cause

Hang in there!

---

WOW you read LIW? I don't know how you can do that..
What do you read it for?

---

Here we go again

She was just offering her experience on the matter.

---

TAlk about starting?? Can she ask a question

To the original poster. I can tell you previous to me getting married, when I had friends that got married, I backed off the friendships, because I figured that they were in Newlywed bliss and I didn't want to interrupt! Give them some time or call and reassure them that they can all whenever

I think it makes sense to reach out to your old friends, if they haven't done so. Maybe, they think you're busy or just not interested in hanging out with the girls anymore.

I only had 2 MOH/BMs. During planning, I got closer to one. The other one just got more and more distant. I still haven't heard from her or even received a gift. I tried calling and never got a call back. To this day, I don't know why. I don't think you can dwell on things, though. Your true friends will be there and will be responsive.

As for reading and not posting very much, I guess some of us are not as chatty as others. I'm more of a reader, also, but crawl out of the woodwork every so often.

Wow, I can't believe the response to my first post on this site!

Someone asked me why I have been reading, but not posting, on this site for the past month. It's simple: I've been reading reviews and searching for names of venues because I'm planning my friend's bridal shower. Additionally, I've shown her some of the reviews of the vendors she's considering for her wedding.

Now that I'm basically done with that, I thought it would be fun to post sometimes, even though I'm not a bride-to-be and barely considered a newlywed anymore. At least we all have Long Island in common, right?

---

Posted by computergirl

Wow, I can't believe the response to my first post on this site!

Someone asked me why I have been reading, but not posting, on this site for the past month. It's simple: I've been reading reviews and searching for names of venues because I'm planning my friend's bridal shower. Additionally, I've shown her some of the reviews of the vendors she's considering for her wedding.

Now that I'm basically done with that, I thought it would be fun to post sometimes, even though I'm not a bride-to-be and barely considered a newlywed anymore. At least we all have Long Island in common, right?

---

I honestly think a lot of people read without posting. Welcome and keep on posting!

Waiting; I lost a close friend literally the day before my wedding. She chose to pick a fight over something silly and it made me realize she's really not a friend at all. Any time I had ever needed her in my life, she would start a fight so she'd have an excuse not to be there for me. I honestly didn't think she'd do it for my wedding, because she knew how important it was to me, but lo' and behold, she started a fight about a week beforehand and backed out at the last minute. She has tried to contact me a couple of times since then, but I just don't need somebody in my life that deliberatly hurts me, especially when I need them.

---

Posted by computergirl

Wow, I can't believe the response to my first post on this site!

Someone asked me why I have been reading, but not posting, on this site for the past month. It's simple: I've been reading reviews and searching for names of venues because I'm planning my friend's bridal shower. Additionally, I've shown her some of the reviews of the vendors she's considering for her wedding.

Now that I'm basically done with that, I thought it would be fun to post sometimes, even though I'm not a bride-to-be and barely considered a newlywed anymore. At least we all have Long Island in common, right?

---

TRUE
Sorry if you or ANYONE else thought that i was trying to interrogate you...was really just curious...We have heard of lurkers and i always wanted to ask..how can someone lurk...I would be DYING to post a comment or a question.

But that is me...so i figured i would ask

I just didn't want people to feel that if they only post once or a few times (as a wedding newbie) that someone would try and call them out for it. I'm sorry if i read your post wrong.

I was a lurker for months on these boards and never registered. I remember all the old timers like Jenn Baby, Marcella, Niecey, Shammee (now Ambersmom)....and was reading even when some of them got banned or left. I only started posting like 6 months before my wedding. Everyone i guess is different, but i do know of at least three or four people that i know who don't post and just read these boards for advice.

For the original poster, the only advice i can give is that you will find your friendships changing after you are married and weddings bring out a lot of bad sides of people that you never seen before. I don't know if its jealousy or what, but it happened to me and I no longer speak to a member of my BP so you are not alone. I just look at it like its a good thing that i found out now rather then have someone in my life like that......

---

Posted by oct.2004bride

TRUE
Sorry if you or ANYONE else thought that i was trying to interrogate you...was really just curious...We have heard of lurkers and i always wanted to ask..how can someone lurk...I would be DYING to post a comment or a question.

But that is me...so i figured i would ask

---

I have to admit that when I read your post Jen, I thought you were calling her out as a and I was about to write something similar to SeptWed, but now that I read your explanation of it I see that your tone was intended to be different.

It's so hard to know what people mean sometimes when they write and you can't hear the tone of 'voice'.


So to UN-hijack (is that a word)?

I lost some of my single friends early on in my relationship, previous to marriage. They were having trouble with the fact that I wasn't available to them 24/7 anymore. I tried to still spend at least one weekend night with them, but then they would be pi$$ed that it wasn't both. It was like if they weren't with someone I couldn't be either. Similar to what someone said before - true friends stick with you.

I would try to reach out to them first to see if they are doing this purposefully or not, and if they still give you the cold shoulder, you may have to go your separate ways.

But you have a new group of LIW friends!!

---

Posted by lorsin

I have to admit that when I read your post Jen, I thought you were calling her out as a and I was about to write something similar to SeptWed, but now that I read your explanation of it I see that your tone was intended to be different.

It's so hard to know what people mean sometimes when they write and you can't hear the tone of 'voice'.

---

i agree...i guess it could have been mistaken..but it was an innocent question. I was soooo curious how someone could lurk...i couldn't do it myself...

i posted a thread on NWR to recitfy it...

Again,,,sorry

Okay I'm back..

I had trouble logging on with my password, sorry for the delay..

I see this subject went in a different direction but found its way back. I'm glad everyone found a way to get along and see each others points of view..

As for my original post, thanks for all your replies. I guess I just don't understand how someone who was suppose to be a friend would be jealous. Or for that matter think that new brides need time to themselves. Friends are Friends no matter if your married or not. Why wouldn't you want to share in her new life now? If anything her new hubby has just been added to your friendship and heck that's where double dating comes into play.

In any case I'm over it I guess, but thanks again for listening and replying.