Have any of you had second thoughts or regrets now that you have been married for some time now? I think I am beginning

Iloveweddings Posted: Jul 08, 2003 10:36 PM

Have any of you had second thoughts or regrets now that you have been married for some time now? I think I am beginning

to not like my FH.....In fact, I think he is a spoiled, self centred JERK!

What-Now Posted: Jul 08, 2003 10:45 PM

Re: Have any of you had second thoughts or regrets now that you have been married for some time now? I think I am beginning

We all think that sometimes, and those who are saying they never do are lying! The trick is to get past it and start appreciating the positive sides.
Cheer up! I know I can be a spoiled, self centred JERKess myself!

jennbaby Posted: Jul 08, 2003 11:46 PM

Re: Have any of you had second thoughts or regrets now that you have been married for some time now? I think I am beginning

What happened

yabbobay Posted: Jul 09, 2003 12:01 AM

Re: Have any of you had second thoughts or regrets now that you have been married for some time now? I think I am beginning

I'm sorry...this is something that you should really consider

maybe go see a counselor/therapist by yourself an then with FH...

I have to say though that I love DH more than ever - every day it gets to be more...even though we had a tiff today...its still the same

Iloveweddings Posted: Jul 09, 2003 07:11 AM

Re: Have any of you had second thoughts or regrets now that you have been married for some time now? I think I am beginning

Over the weekend, I REALLY hurt my back. I have been in bed for most of the time. It is grueling to get up and even use the bathroom. I asked him to load up the laundry cart b/c my mother is coming over today and it was a whole arguement over doing this chore. For Chr*sts sake, I didn't ask him to do the laundry or anything just put it together. I have noticed since we got engaged, he has changed and expects me to be the dutiful wife. I am so not this type of person. He is an oly child to Italian parents, so they basically think that the sun rises and sets in him and he really believes that as well. I beleive in a 50-50 partnership. Lately, I feel like its 90-10. I know a lot of things need to be worked on, but I just really needed to vent.

jlf41 Posted: Jul 09, 2003 08:12 AM

Re: Have any of you had second thoughts or regrets now that you have been married for some time now? I think I am beginning

I am so sorry. I wish I had some advice. Please, vent to us whenever you need to! Hang in there.

Fran M Posted: Jul 09, 2003 09:04 AM

Re: Have any of you had second thoughts or regrets now that you have been married for some time now? I think I am beginning

It sounds like you need to do more then vent. You both have very different expectations about caring for your household. Unless you can afford to have someone else come in and cook/clean/do laundry this is something that you need to work out. 50/50 is a long way away from 90/10!

michele31 Posted: Jul 09, 2003 09:20 AM

Re: Have any of you had second thoughts or regrets now that you have been married for some time now? I think I am beginning

Stacy- Why can't he do the laundry? That should NOT start a fight! I am going to tell you that this situation will NOT get any better just because you get married. You both need to sit and discuss the household chore situation. I am sure it also spills into other parts of your lives as well. Keep your eyes open. This is NOT the way to start a marriage.
I highly suggest you honestly tell him you will not be his mother and you expect him to share in these responsiblities.

Samanthas Mom Posted: Jul 09, 2003 09:40 AM

Re: Have any of you had second thoughts or regrets now that you have been married for some time now? I think I am beginning

Talking is the key
there are plenty of times I tell DH
I do not like you right now! but I Do love him but yes there are times I dont like things he says and does and boy oh boy do I let him know!

Sassy Posted: Jul 09, 2003 09:45 AM

Re: Have any of you had second thoughts or regrets now that you have been married for some time now? I think I am beginning

Len and I have been married a little over a month now and I LOVE it. We have our spats, still getting used to the whole idea of being married, but the one thing we have is respect and love for each other, which keeps us from getting too out of hand.

Definitely iron this out BEFORE the wedding. We ironed out a lot, but you still find yourself not agreeing 100% on little things you forgot to think about before. So get the BIG things out now. How much he will participate in the household (esp. when you are unable to) is a big thing.
Discuss it, and your expectations of a husband, and his of a wife.
Good Luck

jenny11.9 Posted: Jul 09, 2003 09:54 AM

Re: Have any of you had second thoughts or regrets now that you have been married for some time now? I think I am beginning

I agree that discussion is key. But, it is hard to do that when you are filled with rage at your significant other. You certainly need to define as soon as you can to each other what you expect in your new 'roles' as husband and wife. If there is any confusion at all, or anything that makes you uneasy, I would certainly consider postponing until you have had a chance to work it through. Marriage comes with another whole set of new issues…and quite frankly no matter where you are at prior to it, there is no way to know what’s going to come at you when you finally are in there as Mr. and Mrs. Best to open the modes of communication now so that you are used to talking to one another about things that might cause arguments.

Good luck

dgtlsunshine Posted: Jul 09, 2003 09:54 AM

Re: Have any of you had second thoughts or regrets now that you have been married for some time now? I think I am beginning

I will tell you I am reading a book that just described the exact scenario you just described. Its called 'Men are Clams Women are Crowbars'

Its all about our language. Men and women see things differently. He states in the book men like to keep control and women are all about closeness. When we ask a man to wash the dishes and he does not do it right away we are offended. Mean while the man is thinking he will do it but he will not do it right now b/c he does not like to feel that the woman just gave him an order.

Its all about understanding each other's language.

ILT1221 Posted: Jul 09, 2003 09:59 AM

Re: Have any of you had second thoughts or regrets now that you have been married for some time now? I think I am beginning

Its' very important to talk about your expectations of each other before the wedding. Household chores, children, working, finances etc. these are all topics of conversation that are very important. I'll be honest and tell you I think my husband is a slob but he knows I have a tender back so he will vacuum without my asking. He won't wash dishes, but he cleaned the windows yesterday. Marriage is a lot of compromise. The first year is an adjustment and communication is really important. Talk to your fh and discuss your expectations.

februarybride Posted: Jul 09, 2003 06:42 PM

Re: Have any of you had second thoughts or regrets now that you have been married for some time now? I think I am beginning

I had a heart to heart with my DH over household chores. I'm married now 1 yr and 5 months and in the beginning I did all of the housework. I tend to keep things inside and finally about 1 month ago I confronted him. I should not have allowed it to fo so long, but I did. Anyway, after we talked he understood and it has been much better lately. I think it's important to talk to him.