help me be the better person...

as most of you know, when I got married, I invited my then-boss, her assistant, and my then-colleague.

Only the assistant RSVP'd (declined)

My then-boss and my then-colleague swore up and down that they mailed in the RSVP card. (but, both lied and I never received them)

Now, I wasn't even going to invite anyone from work, but they had seemed so excited for me, so I felt obligated.

Anway, I never got a card...nada.

My then-colleague called me 2 days before the wedding because she was lost near my alma mater and wanted directions. (meanwhile, I was up till 4 am finishing my programs, so I never answered her call)

She called the day after the wedding to say congratulations. She told me (and I'm just repeating what she said- my 2 best friends already told me that she's full of crap) that 'jewish people don't give gifts until after the wedding- it's bad luck to give a wedding gift ahead of time'

Of course, I never did receive even a card from her.

Anyway, she just called and asked for my address. She's getting married 6 weeks from now. She made up some story that her invitation store closed for Pasover and never gave her the invitations, but that she's still within her 6 weeks to send it. ( I would really prefer that she just be honest and tell me that I was B-listed) She asked me to email my address to one of her friends, and I did.

Now, I feel like just tossing the dam thing in the garbage when it arrives. How can she expect me to treat her any differently than she treated me?

If I wanted to go to the wedding, I would go and only give a token gift...Something inexpensive off her registry or a vase of some kind, but that is only if I wanted to go. If I was saying no, I would just toss the invitation. What goes around, comes around.

BTW - It is only bad luck to give a BABY gift before the baby is born - I never heard anything about a wedding gift being bad luck. Beside, if you give the gift at the reception, that is AFTER the wedding....

I would definitely RSVP [decline] so the next time you see her you can pointedly remind her that at least SHE got your RSVP. Then I would send an [empty] card AFTER the wedding...

Too bad you did your thank you's already...she's the type of person I would have sent a TY to and wrote 'thank you for the lovely gift', knowing full well that she didn't give a gift.

See, with family, I don't feel the need to be the bigger person, I rather sink to their level and dish out the same crap they did. With (so-called) friends and colleagues, yeah, I would try to be the bigger person. Family won't get the point, others probably will.