hi there ladies...& thanks(Long)

hi there ladies...& thanks(Long)

just wanted to thank you all again.

I am still in the same rut/spot/hole for now. But have pulled out the LI Fun Book and looked up some wineries ..trying to find something for us to do for our first anniversary.

Sent a bunch of websites to the hubby- including one on helicopter tours of manhatten...and TOLD him we should talk about this tonight.

Feel a bit better sending him the sites & setting the discussion for tonight...but am still feeling like i am doing all the work here...and no effort from him. If i tell him that I KNOW he will mention all his RESEARCH on THAILAND ...but until somethings booked..means it is not happening to me.
I feel like I am beating a dead horse..but it may b due to the fact that nothing is really settled. Seems like I have walked into this role in our marriage where I have to be the 'No nonsense' person..getting down to brass tacks and making things happen.

This also relates to some family moving matters that we Must do this weekend...which also happens to be a HUGE amateur radio event weekend that happens once a yr. HE knew about this for at least one whole month...but 'I' had to be the one that brought it up last nite and say a decision had to be made NOW about which day this all gets done.
Then he acts all injured - 'well we will just need to do it Sat and I wont get to do anything for this event. I'll type up an email to the club members to let them know not to depend on me helping them on sat'
Said this in front of his parents...whose items we have to move...,and then left the room.
So here I am, like a smuck, and have to say that sometimes an adult has to do things that aren't convienent but are the right thing to do...etc.
ended it there cuz I dont feel it is right to discuss with them how HE is acting....
arrgh...
arrghh..
arrghhhh..

Patience, patience...this too will pass. (how come the stupid little things are the ones that bother us?)

Hey Phyl -LONG

Patience is definitely the key word. You know, I was thinking about my own situation as I read your latest post. If it wasn't for me, we never would have had a honeymoon, or a wedding for that matter. Dear hubby did absolutely, and I mean ABSOLUTELY nothing through the whole process except look at the hall and pick a menu. If I hadn't pushed him 3 weeks before the wedding to get a tux who knows what would have happened! It seems like I am usually the 'doer' or nothing gets done. With the exception of buying our house - he really stepped up to the plate there and took care of everything. I guess what I am getting to is that this may just be his personality. If we go on a trip, I do absolutely everything to get us there. I have accepted my role because there are so many other things he DOES do! Sure, I would love for him to plan a nice spontaneous weekend for us, but I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen and I'm o.k. with that, because like I said, there are compromises I'm sure he makes for me that I don't even realize! (Like listening to me babble on and on for hours!)

I think the family moving thing was just him being disappointed, but you are right, as adults we need to learn that sometimes we don't get to do what we want to do all the time. My hubby has missed out on his favorite extra-curricular activity - golf, a few times for family stuff and he hasn't been pleased, but he gets over it. I know it's a big event for him, but in this case, he made the decision which day to do the move and he has to live with it.

I DEFINITELY agree that the people you most NEVER want to discuss your 'couple' issues with are the parents - yours or his. We try to keep our issues between us mainly because the families can't help being biased. Friends, this board is different. But family can get explosive!

Phyl, all I can say is keep taking your deep breaths and know that these things all have a way of ironing themselves out the more time you are together. We are still here for you! Keep us posted and keep praying for patience!

Hey Phyl -LONG

You could both be talking about my husband too! He`s incredibly hard to get motivated about many things.

Recently we`ve been making plans to move to a new state, find new jobs and buy a house. I finally had to sit him down and force him to review his resume and get it updated and focused on the new career direction he wants to pursue because just suggesting it needed to be done wasn`t enough to get him to sit down and do it. I`ve suggested many times that we need to check our credit ratings and make some other plans with regard to house hunting but has he done anything yet? - I think you know the answer :-)

It was the same way with the wedding - I`d ask him to make a few calls to get information and it was amazing how often he got busy at work or forgot or some other excuse for 'I didn`t want to'

I too have realized that I`m the 'do-er' and I`m slowly finding ways for us to work together and I`m identifying the things he will handle, so we have a better division of jobs. Fortunately, he will reluctantly come around most times if I emphatically let him know that I need him to step up to the plate and help. I`ve finally realized that hints just don`t work!

karen and lee

thank you ladies. PArt of my worries was that
I wasn't sure if what I was feeling/going thru
was 'normal'. Esp when Hubby is not showing
any 'adjustment worries'..

Men..

...I think they spend WAY less time worrying and second guessing this kind of stuff than we do!! Whenever I am upset about a 'relationship' kind of thing, the news always seems to hit him like a shock! If he's not worried, I wouldn't worry too much either!

well...

he may not be worried cuz he may have it a bit easier
than I. I was on my own- my parents died when I was 21,22-
so I am a bit used to relying on me.
SO, these adjustments may be harder on me...
and he SHOULD know about them..and how he impacts me