Hi everyone How come after nearly two years of being married everyone pushes babies? When ever people ask how long have we been married and I respond nearly two years they automatically say so where are the babies? I know I am not getting any younger (27) but I am not that old either. I would love to have a baby but I need to do more traveling, finish school and more me time. I am soooo torn, a piece of me wishes I could have a baby right now but there is still a piece of me that needs independance. I am a very independant person and need my time to myself and I know as soon as I have a child it will come to an end, but I also know something beautiful will take its place. Am I selfish? My husband said he is ready when I am and he is fine with what ever I choose at this point but he makes hints about children, and I know he wants one and if I got pregnant right now he would be estatic. The ironic thing is that my mom is pushing me to wait, she would be happy if I was pregnant but she always says how lucky my husband and I are to have this time to enjoy each other. My oarents had children right away (honeymoon baby) and had seven total , I am the youngest so really now 47 years later she is finally without children. I know I am babbling but I needed to vent
phyl
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Re: I need to vent about having a baby!
you will know when it is the right time for YOU and hubby to become a family. It is an HUGE adjustment. I understand your need to enjoy your married life now...it is the fundation upon which u will build your family life. You need a strong foundation b4 adding to your family. dontpay attention to the nosy people. They deep down mean well...they used to get by asking you about wedding stuff...so what can they ask u now? people are not creative....
Valenia
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Re: I need to vent about having a baby!
Don't let people bother you, then are just making conversation and being nosey. From their perspective its a fun, happy conversation (which is rather stupid because who know if you are having trouble or not!). Anyhow, just let it roll off your shoulders, and don't feel pressured. You have to be sure that the time is right, and you have plenty of time!
Cira
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Re: I need to vent about having a baby!
Christine,
I am 27 too and plan on waiting a few years before having children for a lot of the same reasons you mentioned. I need 'me' and 'me and Rob' time before I can dedicate most of my time as a mother, because I want to give it my all when I become a mom! I don't think you are selfish and I think you should do what you feel is the most important for you. Your life changes when you have a baby and the worst thing to do is make that change if you are not ready!
Check out this post ... it was a question of the day posted by Sonicstef similar to this topic! You will see that you are not alone!
Christine - I am in a little different of a situation but can totally understand. I already had the first baby and now everyone keeps telling me its time for another, including my OB-GYN. There is a time for everything and only you and your DH will nkow when the time is right. I believe timing has to be right as well as circumstances. I possibly could be ready for another child right now, however, I think I want/need a house first. Everyone has priorities.
bearsbabe_113
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Re: I need to vent about having a baby!
Oh Christine, the never-ending stupid questions people insist on asking are just that, never-ending!!! When you're dating it's 'when are you getting engaged', when you're engaged it's 'when is the wedding', when you're married it's 'ARE YOU PREGNANT YET'!!! Then I hear that after you have the first kid, it's 'when are you having another one', so you see, it's never-ending!!!!!!
It's very hard to do, but you have to try and ignore them as best you can. After I had my miscarriage, you can only imagine what stupid questions I was being asked -- people don't know what's going on in your life and they should really learn to MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS, but they don't!!!!!
Samanthas Mom
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Re: I need to vent about having a baby!
I have only been married six months and everyone does it to me!! neighbors/my mom!! my sister b/c I am 29 they do this to me we plan to have one soon but probably not try till august or september so we had A YEAR but if I got married younger I would have probably waited 2-3 years people just ASSUME once you get married you have a baby RIGHT away which is not okay for everyone it would have been fine w/ me but not DH lol
christine1221
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Re: I need to vent about having a baby!
take your time, sweetie. Don't ever let anyone pressure you into thinking that you have to follow some sort of time line. In that generation, that's what they did. Graduated HS, Maybe went to college, got married, had children. It's soooo different now.
Take this time for you and your dh. It will be precious time that you cannot have back once the kids come. Travel, do fun things, spend time together. You have plenty of time! I envy you ... to have a few years w/my DH would have been a luxury!! Enjoy every moment!
good luck!
Sonicstef
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Re: I need to vent about having a baby!
Its just human nature that most people like to give advice about what YOU SHOULD DO. Sometimes its a case of wanting the best for you (even if they have no clue what that really is), sometimes its a case of misery loving company (i cant tell you how many parents b*tch about how difficult children are on the one hand but tell me how I should have them ASAp on the other) and sometimes its a case of wanting to relive their lives through you and sometimes its a case of just being plain rude and obnoxious!
anna
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Re: I need to vent about having a baby!
Christine I dont think theres a magic age to be ready. Enjoy your time alone and with your hubby.
I got married at 26 and pregnant at 27, and that was the best plan for us. Everyone sees this issue differently and it should be what works for your lifestyle.
We couldnt see waiting more than a year because we both have the same views on having children. They ARE life, and what would life be without them
Dont feel guilty about any decision you make. Enjoy your husband and your time, and when you feel its time, then BABY DUST shall be wished upon you !
NIHA
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Re: I need to vent about having a baby!
I agree with all the other posts. I just want to add that being selfish is NOT what you should be calling yourself if you're not ready to have a baby. That's totally not true, if you're not ready, then you're doing the right thing by waiting until you are. Selfish to me is someone who brings a child into the world but doesn't put the child as the #1 priority in his/her life.
I don't understand, why do so many women think they are being 'selfish' if they are not ready to have children or never want to have children? Does society put it into our heads that we are 'made' or 'designed' to have a baby and if we don't then we're only thinkging of ourselves? I don't get it
The only time I'd call myself selfish is maybe if my husband really wanted to have a baby and I didn't. Then, I'd have to think of his needs too.
Niecey
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Re: I need to vent about having a baby!
I totally see where you are coming from. I don't think you are being selfish. You need to have a child when the time is right for you. You are 27 years young and I do not think age should dictate when you should have a child.
(hey-I'm 30 and wondering when I will be ready! I want to do all the things you listed in your post and yes-sometimes I think it is selfish. But is it better to have a kid when you not ready for it.)
My friend and her hubby came up with a little game to play when they get bothered by family and friends asking why they aren't having babies. Whenever someone asks, they say something like - I am adding another month now. We are up to XYZ. People get so annoyed by it they eventually stop asking. And they (the couple - my friends) don't feel the need to explain.
michele31
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Re: I need to vent about having a baby!
In all honestly I think people ASKING you about having a baby is so unfair. How do those people know that you haven't been trying for 2 years? How do they know if you even want children? Honestly I would tell them to Mind Their Own Business and worry about their own lives, instead of yours. Only you and DH can make this life-changing decision. No one else can make the decision for you.
ChristineC68
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Re: I need to vent about having a baby!
I think this is an incredibly personal question to ask anyone. I would never walk up to anyone and ask them what they weigh or when are you going for that colonoscopy? It's NONE of my business! Why would someone think 'when are we going to hear the pitter, patter?' is any of their business?
It's a decision every couple makes together and will know when the time is right.
LisaT
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Re: I need to vent about having a baby!
I totally understand and sympathize! Neither of us is ready for babies yet, and its likely to be a few years until we are (I'm 28, he's 30).
I got laid off a few months ago - with 6 months severance, and everyone mentioned how it was the perfect time to get pregnant! How's that? So that I could start a new job pregnant, or return to work in the last months of my pregnancy? Or incur the costs of a baby on one salary? I just didn't understand it all! We hadn't even been married 6 months!
Some people just have babies on the brain. Even my ob-gyn keeps telling me I'm not getting any younger and it will only be harder once I hit 30.
Fortunately, our parents are not the ones impatiently waiting. They're encouraging us to wait and enjoy our time together.
You're not alone! And its not the right time if only one of you is ready.
people are rude...plain and simple...and they are clueless...
We are waiting...and not many people have asked us...but DH's 23 year old cousin just had a baby and when we told her we were waiting...she said...but you're gonna be so old!!!
so be it...my dad had me at 40 and was more active then most dads (I don't know how he got on all those roller coasters!!)
jenny11.9
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Re: I need to vent about having a baby!
We have been married 120 days - yes – only 120 days- and we have Aunts (ON HIS SIDE) that have actually said 'what’s wrong Chris – shooting blanks?' CAN YOU EVEN?!?!?!!?
Like honestly? We aren’t TRYING (we aren’t not trying either), but my goodness what if there IS something wrong that we have yet to find out someday. How insensitive would that comment be then? I am so tired of it. And then I am tired of people saying don’t rush it blah blah. I personally never felt that we got married to have children. I am pretty sure we got married because we loved each other enough to take the next step. I think the children part is really something that everybody assumes is the obvious next step….even if you’ve never said a thing about it!!!
