If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

Dh doesnt mind if i go to lunch with my coworkers, my office is only me and 3 guys.

i think the main reason he doesnt mind, is that 2 of them are old enought o be my dad , and the other one is in his early 40's happily married with kids, plus his wife does my nails

if the situaution was different, i am not sure how dh would feel

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Posted by Browneyesncute

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Posted by futuremrsfab

I am on the other side of this so maybe that perspective will help.

Dh goes to lunch often with a mixed group of people from his job- and once everyone couldnt go and just he and this girl went. I wasn't too happy. I know that he wouldnt do anything, I just dont like the appearance of it- this is purely my opinion and I might get beat up for it- I just dont think that you put yourself in questionable situations when you are either in a serious relationship or married.

this may be just us and might just be how i feel, but thought it might be helpful to know.

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i'm with ya on this

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I third this. I wouldn't do it. Why would a man married to someone else want to go out with me? And the same is true in reverse. DH is a teacher and works with lots of women. No problems if the dept goes out to Happy Hour or something, but I'd be pizzed if he went out with someone and it was just the two of them. HIS intentions might be honarable, but the other person's might not. Why borrow trouble?

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Posted by Munchkn16

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Posted by Browneyesncute

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Posted by futuremrsfab

I am on the other side of this so maybe that perspective will help.

Dh goes to lunch often with a mixed group of people from his job- and once everyone couldnt go and just he and this girl went. I wasn't too happy. I know that he wouldnt do anything, I just dont like the appearance of it- this is purely my opinion and I might get beat up for it- I just dont think that you put yourself in questionable situations when you are either in a serious relationship or married.

this may be just us and might just be how i feel, but thought it might be helpful to know.

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i'm with ya on this

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I third this. I wouldn't do it. Why would a man married to someone else want to go out with me? And the same is true in reverse. DH is a teacher and works with lots of women. No problems if the dept goes out to Happy Hour or something, but I'd be pizzed if he went out with someone and it was just the two of them. HIS intentions might be honarable, but the other person's might not. Why borrow trouble?

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Cheating can happen anytime anywhere be it at happy hour - be it with one person or a whole group. Add drinking in the mix - not good.

This was not like that so you must have the situation all messed up.

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Posted by Mimacat

Is it at all possible - and I'm just throwing this out there - that he's not really a coworker at all, and is secretly a defector from Thailand and he is trying to get you alone at lunch so he can kidnap you and sell you into a south asian prostitution ring? Just asking.

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you have an imagination.

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Posted by futuremrsfab

I am on the other side of this so maybe that perspective will help.

Dh goes to lunch often with a mixed group of people from his job- and once everyone couldnt go and just he and this girl went. I wasn't too happy. I know that he wouldnt do anything, I just dont like the appearance of it- this is purely my opinion and I might get beat up for it- I just dont think that you put yourself in questionable situations when you are either in a serious relationship or married.

this may be just us and might just be how i feel, but thought it might be helpful to know.

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i kind of had the same thing happen...dh & some co-workers were going to stop for drinks on their way home from work, but in the end it ended up being just him & another chick. If it was someone i knew or had a mutual relationship with, i dont think i really would've even thought twice about it...especially because dh is a super friendly guy..he makes friends whereve he goes - he grew up in a very tiny school with a TON of girls as truly just really good friends - so it's normal to him...BUT..it was someone i barely knew...and i wasn't jealous..but it was just kinda one of those moments. i lost a little respect for her, because i feel like as a single woman who knows he's married & met me a time or two, she should've respected our relationship and just headed home.. like the ap said, it's just the appearance & the situation of it all... also If i called dh & said i was out to drinks with so&so, i think dh would've scratched his head & been the same way. He only went for an hour, the girl's guy who she just started seeing showed up - and honestly i think dh just kinda got stuck, so it really wasn't a big deal..we didn't fight about it, i just told him i didn't think it was all that normal or somthing to make a habit of.

okay so that was a ramble lol but there u have it

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Posted by jtgarsik

btw - i also have to add...i think there's a huge difference if it's the middle of the work day & u say 'hey what are u getting for lunch?' and go grab something.... but dinner, or out to drinks, or actually making a phonecall to make plans just seems like a 'date' or something to me..i dunno - just doesn't sit right.lol.

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That's a very good point!

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Posted by Jenn04

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Posted by Munchkn16

I third this. I wouldn't do it. Why would a man married to someone else want to go out with me? And the same is true in reverse. DH is a teacher and works with lots of women. No problems if the dept goes out to Happy Hour or something, but I'd be pizzed if he went out with someone and it was just the two of them. HIS intentions might be honarable, but the other person's might not. Why borrow trouble?

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Cheating can happen anytime anywhere be it at happy hour - be it with one person or a whole group. Add drinking in the mix - not good.

This was not like that so you must have the situation all messed up.

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I don't think she meant your scenario was like this..i think she just means that if you can keep yourself out of avoidable situations why not? which i agree with. cheating can absolutely happen ANYWHERE...dh's uncle met his mistress waiting on line at dunken doughnuts... BUT - i'm a firm believer in avoiding things where u can. and to me this is just something that rings true for that.

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Posted by Jenn04

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Posted by Munchkn16

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Posted by Browneyesncute

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Posted by futuremrsfab

I am on the other side of this so maybe that perspective will help.

Dh goes to lunch often with a mixed group of people from his job- and once everyone couldnt go and just he and this girl went. I wasn't too happy. I know that he wouldnt do anything, I just dont like the appearance of it- this is purely my opinion and I might get beat up for it- I just dont think that you put yourself in questionable situations when you are either in a serious relationship or married.

this may be just us and might just be how i feel, but thought it might be helpful to know.

---

i'm with ya on this

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I third this. I wouldn't do it. Why would a man married to someone else want to go out with me? And the same is true in reverse. DH is a teacher and works with lots of women. No problems if the dept goes out to Happy Hour or something, but I'd be pizzed if he went out with someone and it was just the two of them. HIS intentions might be honarable, but the other person's might not. Why borrow trouble?

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Cheating can happen anytime anywhere be it at happy hour - be it with one person or a whole group. Add drinking in the mix - not good.

This was not like that so you must have the situation all messed up.

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Sorry you seem to think that I have your situation 'messed up.' I understand that you were invited to lunch by a co-worker. You went. Your DH might be upset about it.

I understand why your DH might be upset, because I would be if it happened with my DH and I. I wouldn't go out to lunch alone with a male co-worker b/c I feel like the situation could get awkward very quickly. Your intentions are honarable - you went to help a colleague network and find a new job - but his might not have been. I feel like it's easier to just avoid a potentially bad situation all together. But that's just me.

I used to be really good friends with one of the guys at my old job. He is a few years younger than me, but we got along very well. After I left that job, I still kept in touch and went to lunch a few times. He has a girlfriend and I was engaged at the time.

If this was someone you just met today, and decided to go have lunch with them, that's a different story. But this is someone you worked with!! I don't think there is any discussion about it in my opinion.

I mean , I know that if it was a girl coworker who called you for lunch it wouldn't be viewed the same. But since it's a guy, I sort of feel like sticking up for the guy here and saying that not all guys are dogs, and wondering why people can't just get together for lunch?? Why can't we give this poor guy the benefit of the doubt here.