I have been reading a lot of comments lately about guests not giving gifts. I want to openly admit that I, too, have committed such a crime!
Here is my story: I became great friends with someone when I moved to NY. She had a very closeknit Italian family, with a lot of younger family members our age/slightly older. Her brother got married. They had the engagement party, the bridal shower, the works before the wedding, to which I attended and gave very handsome gifts to. I was just 18 at the time and did not have a job. Well, I attended the wedding and could not afford a gift, so I didn't bring one. I just felt that I had given them so much before the wedding that giving them even more was ridiculous, especially when they had never gotten me anything before (er, well, they gave me twizzlers for Christmas because I used to love them.) You know, it's not like I went with 10k in my account and didn't give them anything. I truly had no money. I did however, take really lovely pictures and put them in an album for them after the wedding. They never sent me a thank you card, though, and it made me feel really $hitty.
I honestly feel like if you are just having a party to get gifts, you shouldn't be having a party at all.
I just wanted to offer my side of the non-giftgivers story. There are reasons why people can't give money, and I don't buy that they just shouldn't show up to the wedding. Think about what role people have played in your life BEFORE your wedding...and not just the gift they gave on your wedding. Don't punish people with not sending a TY, that's just plain spiteful!
RVCBride
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Re: I'm embarrassed..
Personally, I would never attend a wedding unless I had a gift for the couple. JMO
ChristineC68
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Re: I'm embarrassed..
Posted by RVCBride
Personally, I would never attend a wedding unless I had a gift for the couple. JMO
That makes me sad...I would be really heartbroken if one of our guests did not attend because they felt they couldn't afford it.
Robeymuse
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Re: I'm embarrassed..
We sent everybody a Thank You, gift or no gift. It didn't matter, I was so grateful that they came to share our day with us. I wish some OOT guests would have given us a card, but I am just happy they came!
RVCBride
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Re: I'm embarrassed..
That's the thing though, if I knew I had a wedding to go to there is no way I'd wait to last minute and say 'looks like I have no money', still go, and then rationalize it in my head. I wouldn't NOT go to a wedding if I didn't have the money, I just budget people's weddings into my monthly expenses if I have to. Don't feel bad.
SeptWed
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Re: I'm embarrassed..
I think personally that if you want to go to a wedding but financially can't afford to, you should give the bride and groom a card and maybe explain your situation to them. Or call them up and explain before you rsvp yes.
I personally have an issue with people who don't give you a card to say congrats to you. That is just classless and if i realized the people who did this at my wedding i would of rethought inviting them. None of them am i personally very close to with the exception of one who i honestly think does not realize she did not give me a card (she's like that).
I agree with RVCbride...i personally would not go to a wedding if i was having financial trouble, however if i was close enough to the bride and groom i would go and do one of the two things i listed above. It happened with my brothers wedding when i was in college. I explained to both of them that i could only afford a very small gift and of course they both understood.
mskimmy98
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Re: I'm embarrassed..
well let me tell you my situation.. One of DH grooms men (also his cousin) didn't give us a gift on the night of the wedding. Well a few days later he told us that he was sorry and that the card was in the mail.. Well (not surprising) no card ever came.
I am sure that there are lot of people that just can't afford to give a gift but then I do feel that they shouldn't go to the wedding then. We paid a lot of money for him and his wife to attend our wedding (200.00 for both) not to mention that we had four other poeple that said they would come and never showed up on that day..
So we lost 600.00 in total for all these poeple.. and for those that say it isn't about the money.. well it is about the money when your starting up your life and you do all these things for other people and get nothing in return.
Im sorry but I give others respect when it comes to their events, and I think I deserve the same.
Sorry if this is harsh, but it is how I feel.
SeptWed
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Re: I'm embarrassed..
Posted by mskimmy98
well let me tell you my situation.. One of DH grooms men (also his cousin) didn't give us a gift on the night of the wedding. Well a few days later he told us that he was sorry and that the card was in the mail.. Well (not surprising) no card ever came.
I am sure that there are lot of people that just can't afford to give a gift but then I do feel that they shouldn't go to the wedding then. We paid a lot of money for him and his wife to attend our wedding (200.00 for both) not to mention that we had four other poeple that said they would come and never showed up on that day..
So we lost 600.00 in total for all these poeple.. and for those that say it isn't about the money.. well it is about the money when your starting up your life and you do all these things for other people and get nothing in return.
Im sorry but I give others respect when it comes to their events, and I think I deserve the same.
Sorry if this is harsh, but it is how I feel.
*clap**clap*
ChristineC68
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Re: I'm embarrassed..
Posted by mskimmy98
I am sure that there are lot of people that just can't afford to give a gift but then I do feel that they shouldn't go to the wedding then.
I understand what you are saying but there is no way on earth I would expect my BIL and his family of four to stay home from our wedding because they couldn't afford a gift. He had gone out on disability 6 weeks prior to our wedding and certainly had larger financial priorities then covering his plates at our wedding. Even if he tried to give us a gift we would have given it back.
SeptWed
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Re: I'm embarrassed..
Posted by ChristineC68
Posted by mskimmy98
I am sure that there are lot of people that just can't afford to give a gift but then I do feel that they shouldn't go to the wedding then.
I understand what you are saying but there is no way on earth I would expect my BIL and his family of four to stay home from our wedding because they couldn't afford a gift. He had gone out on disability 6 weeks prior to our wedding and certainly had larger financial priorities then covering his plates at our wedding. Even if he tried to give us a gift we would have given it back.
While i agree with Christinec68 I must say that i don't see why anyone would not give a card. I did not expect everyone to pay for their plate (so to speak) i just expect a little acknowlegement that you are happy that we are getting married.
Out of the 10 or so we still have gotten nothing from......at least 2 of them i know i never even got to go up to at the wedding to talk to (we had over 300 at our wedding).....so its just the acknowlegement is all i am saying. I totally understand people financial issues....I just don't understand the classlessness of not giving the couple a card (unless one thinks that they will not realize that you gave no gift if you don't give a card).....that is all i am trying to say.
I feel in my life i go above and beyond for anyone no matter what the situation in their life (wedding, baby, death, etc) and while I PERSONALLY would never go to a wedding without a gift unless i explained prior to the bride and groom, I never expected people not to give a card. So those are the people that i am not wasting 37 cents on
ChristineC68
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Re: I'm embarrassed..
Posted by SeptWed
While i agree with Christinec68 I must say that i don't see why anyone would not give a card. I did not expect everyone to pay for their plate (so to speak) i just expect a little acknowlegement that you are happy that we are getting married.
I agree 100% about a card to congratulate the couple...a card, note something to acknowledge the celebration.
SeptWed
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Re: I'm embarrassed..
Posted by ChristineC68
Posted by SeptWed
While i agree with Christinec68 I must say that i don't see why anyone would not give a card. I did not expect everyone to pay for their plate (so to speak) i just expect a little acknowlegement that you are happy that we are getting married.
I agree 100% about a card to congratulate the couple...a card, note something to acknowledge the celebration.
That is all i am saying! I could never go to a wedding and not do that...that is all i am saying...not trying to be selfish...
