I'm feeling neglected

I know it sounds slightly selfish, but I'm feeling so neglected by DH. He switched positions a couple of months ago and he's been working like a dog. He comes home at different times every night, so it's next to impossible for me to plan dinner. (A couple of weeks ago he said he'd be home in 45 min, so I rushed to get dinner ready on time and then he didn't come home for another hour past when dinner was ready)
I know he's trying to better himself and further his career, but I feel like he just has no time for me. Even when he doesn get home at a reasonable time, he's on the computer working from home all night. I feel like I never see him. If I try to steal some time, he seems to get annoyed and just pushes me away.
But I feel like he can always make time when it comes to himself. If his friend want to have a bbq or something, he miraculously won't have to work that night. I he needs to make stupid fantasy football picks he can get out of work early. I feel like he has the capability of making time for me, he just doesn't.
I'm sorry, I just needed to vent a little frustration.

You need to talk to him about this. It sounds pretty unfair to you....
By the way...I HATE FANTASY FOOTBALL my DH is obcessed with it. They are so sad...it is not real! LOL

Awwwww I'm sorry! Have you talked to him about how you feel?

I think men just feel that we are 'always' there and not going anywhere since we are now married. For example, my Dh has totally changed- he used to be really jealous and worry when I went out- now a guy could pick me up in front of him and he won't flinch. Don't get me wrong- I like this guy much better but it just shows that they are more secure with us. That's why your DH is so willing to make time for his friends when he are really busy since he thinks this is a relationship that could easily be lost. I think men really do take us for granted and believe we will always be there no matter what.

HOWEVER- this does not make it any easier on you. When my DH travels a lot in one month for work, I make him set aside a day or evening just for us- no phone calls, no friends, no family. You need to sit him down and tell him how neglected you feel and although you are married that it takes work to keep it going. I know that is going to be hard since he obviously doesn't see a problem.


Hang in there! And let us know how it goes

Nobody works more hours than I do.

Monday thru Friday fulltime - 10am to 6pm.

Then I DJ Tuesday and Wednesday nights 6pm-midnite. Thursdays from 6pm-2am. And Saturdays from 9pm-4am.

Plus Vanessa works Tuesday thru Saturday with Sunday and Monday off.

I don't see Vanessa a lot.... but when I am not working and I am with her... I try to at least make an effort to actually 'do something'... either dinner... go out... whatever. Usually this is all day on Sundays... and Friday nights (not too late cause she works Sat morning).

She is not happy that I am gone so much... but she knows we are trying to buy a house so all the extra money I can get DJing is important. Plus I won't be DJing forver either.


Your DH should do the same. Make some plans and see what happens.

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Posted by ckgmwedding

I think some men just feel that we are 'always' there and not going anywhere since we are now married. For example, my Dh has totally changed- he used to be really jealous and worry when I went out- now a guy could pick me up in front of him and he won't flinch. Don't get me wrong- I like this guy much better but it just shows that they are more secure with us. That's why your DH is so willing to make time for his friends when he are really busy since he thinks this is a relationship that could easily be lost. I think some men really do take us for granted and believe we will always be there no matter what.

HOWEVER- this does not make it any easier on you. When my DH travels a lot in one month for work, I make him set aside a day or evening just for us- no phone calls, no friends, no family. You need to sit him down and tell him how neglected you feel and although you are married that it takes work to keep it going. I know that is going to be hard since he obviously doesn't see a problem.


Hang in there! And let us know how it goes

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Edited to say: 'some' men since this is not the case for EVERYONE- sorry guys to be so generalized

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Posted by ckgmwedding
I make him set aside a day or evening just for us- no phone calls, no friends, no family. You need to sit him down and tell him how neglected you feel and although you are married that it takes work to keep it going.

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I sometimes feel like dh doesn't make time for me. I work a lot of hours and when I come home I want to spend time with dh. He is usally watching some stupid show on t.v. (he always has to play couch commando ) or he is at his parents house, spending time with his dad. But I think you have a good idea Christine. Dh and I should do that.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I'm kind of in the same boat, DH is working and out of the house for about 15 hours a day, usually 7 days a week.

Since your DH has the ability to kind of bend his schedule (Fantasy football, bbq) I think you really need to talk him and try to set a date night or something.

I hope it all works out.

make a date night. seriously! schedule it. put it on the calendar. NO MATTER WHAT THIS IS THE DAY YOU WILL SPEND A FEW HOURS TOGETHER!

No excuses. No computers. No phones. No work!

When life gets crazy, and we work so much, the important things in life, we start to take for granted.


I work every day. M-F from 7am-10pm. Sat and Sun I work from 8am-6pm. DH works during the week from 9am-9pm and Sat/Sun from 10am-6pm. So we have NO days off together, but we do schedule time on the weekend evenings to do SOMETHING!

Whether it be going out to BK for dinner (I know it's not fancy, but it is US time) or we go play a round of mini-golf. Or go to the driving range hit a bucket of balls. whatever it is, we do it together and we make it a priority!!!

It's all about finding a good balance and making each other a priority. You don't have to ask for time every single day (though wouldn't that be nice?) but to ask him to make time for you once or twice a week is reasonable. If he thinks it's not, then you need to really have a talk about where your relationship stands with him. Why he thinks it's perfectly okay to never have any quality time together?

Id be just as upset as you are if I felt like DH had no time for me. You should definitely talk to him and be honest about how you feel. Sometimes guys just dont realize the things they (cuz its not intentional) do or how they come off and things need to be explained to them for them to get it! If he is busy with work try and find sometime each week for just the 2 of you.

I've talked to him about the way I feel and for the most part he doesn't see a problem. He thinks I'm selfish that I can't understand that he's working.
I think I just need to tell him every Sunday to pick a day during the week that he won't work at night and he needs to stick to that. That way I can cook us a nice dinner and we can watch a movie or something.
I think in full fairness, part of it is my fault because I only work a couple of mornings a week in the summer, so I've had plenty of free time during the day, so by the time he gets home I want him all to myself.
I'm sure when I go back to work in a couple of weeks I won't feel as neglected because I will have more stuff to fill my time. Maybe if he gets a chance to miss me a little, making time will be more of a priority for him.

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Posted by nferrandi

I think in full fairness, part of it is my fault because I only work a couple of mornings a week in the summer, so I've had plenty of free time during the day, so by the time he gets home I want him all to myself.

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I gotta admit... my buddy was in the same situation. His wife wasn't working for a while and he was working.

He told me that he was WAITING for her to get a job because when he would come home from a hard day's work and just wants to relax... she would drive him NUTS looking for attention.

Hell.. my wife gets home from work when I am home and she goes on doing her own thing. Good stuff.

But we still make our 'dates' when I have free time. Today I was off from DJing and we went out to Giardino's for dinner.

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Posted by DjPiLL

But we still make our 'dates' when I have free time.

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see- we have the opposite situation- we see each other Too much, and end up neglecting each other b/c of that. We both work 9-5 and have a 5 minute commute each, so we get home, i go on the computer and he watches TV and plays madden. starting next week, i'll be going to school PT also besides working, so maybe we'll get better at making the quality time count.

But i think in either regard, Date nights really are the best idea. making that plan and sticking to it- b/c seriously, one day flows into the next, and then all of a sudden you realize youre neglecting each other