Interracial Couples... Do you...

Ever feel weird about bein an interracial couple? My DH and I honstly never really think about it because we're just Pete and Jenn to most people but last week went to a party and I was reminded by what happened by another rbide today who mentioned interracial couples, and got me to thinking...

Like I have a hard time with my 'latina identity' because the only person I have ever been 'Latina' with was my grandmother; she's only family member who ever spoke spanish to me, cooked traditional puerto rican meals and raised me till I was 6 in Spanish harlem. But when she died a few years ago, I guess I kinda stopped focusing on it so much because I rew up at home with Spam and eggs lmao and I've always had a multitude of non hispanic friends. If you ask me 'what I am' I will always say American because I was born here and raised here and am more comfortable with English now than Spanish and I have no desire to live anywhere but here in the U.S. because this is home. Yes I am of puerto rica decent and love the food and the culture but Im Puerto Rican AMERICAN and I think thats what people forget...

Anyway when DH and I were at a party last week, we were introduced to a few new people and one couple who were not hispanic, clumsily tried to draw me intoa convo in Spanish. I smiled and told them they could speak to em in English unelss they preffered to try out their spanish and they said they just thought I'D be more comfortable.... Then they continued to ask how it felt to be part of an interracial couple (wife was a professor of psychology at a local Univ) and I just blinked. I mean I KNOW Pete and I are part of an interaccial couple but to us it is never an issue. Because I speak PERFECT English, better than he does even. I am less Puerto Rican than I am suburban American... I just have the skin tone and obvious looks of a hispanic woman. So it always throws me a little because its like people EXPECT there to be issues and culture clashes but there really arent that many for us. Same goes for hispanics we meet who seem shocked I speak english better than i do spanish and married a white guy...my family actually had more issue with us in the beginning than his Polis/Italian family did though his extended family is a diff issue altogether/

Does anyone else ever feel this way? Have you encountered more struggles being part of an interracial couple? Im just curious.

neither of us have ever encountered people questioning our relationship b/c we're interracial.

but me, myself as an individual have encountered many struggles as a 'minority'. i know how you feel, i also was born and raised here. and i am more american than i will ever be filipino (besides my features of course).

the thing i don't understand is how some ppl can be so ignorant. it's 2007, interracial is nothing new! and what exactly is a minority these days?!

years ago I was in an interracial relationship for a couple years... it was wierd how most people didn't react, but others just couldn't get past it....

the relationship obviously didn't last, but even my closest friends (who claim to be above racism) blamed the break-up on cultural issues, rather than the fact that the guy morphed into a total @hole. During the break-up, they began to cease their censorship, and show their true colors..... and talk racially tinged cr@p...

ah, to get to know your friends true colors the reality is that virtually everyone dislikes some group or another, and being an interracial couple, you'll find out pretty quick if either of you are members of the chosen groups with any of your friends and families....

DH & I are interracial, I find it amusing as I am and look very Hispanic when people see my new “last name” it throws them off . We have yet to encountered struggles as of yet, his immediate family throws in the stereotypical joke every now and again but both families have accepted each other, I’m glad my Puerto Rican aunts married the UN because my cousins are all mixed..how many Italian/ Puerto Rican/ Egyptian babies do you know? LOL

I wonder if we will encounter issues later down the road..

DH & I are inter-racial as well but never experience anybody questioning us..as a matter of fact when we were dating, people keep telling us that we should get married and we'll have cute babies together because we're inter-racial.

i am filipino and Hubby is Irish

i dont think our friends think of us at interracial couple...but maybe they do..

they have all known us to be together

like Jess....i too am born and raised here and I am an american but my background, ancestors and feaures are Filipino

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Posted by Ericab1980

DH & I are interracial, I find it amusing as I am and look very Hispanic when people see my new “last name” it throws them off . We have yet to encountered struggles as of yet, his immediate family throws in the stereotypical joke every now and again but both families have accepted each other, I’m glad my Puerto Rican aunts married the UN because my cousins are all mixed..how many Italian/ Puerto Rican/ Egyptian babies do you know? LOL

I wonder if we will encounter issues later down the road..

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Lol we if we have kids your Italian/Puerto Rican/Egyptian babies can play with our Italian/BuertoRican/croatian babies. -chuckles- People keep telling us not to move to the south-ones from up here because we will encounetr racism but honestly when we've been in NC no one said anything to our face-we were in city urban areas granted but still. I get dirtier looks here. Once we went out and I made the mistake of wearing black and white and some lady thrust her plate into ymy hand and when I said EXCUSE ME, she barely look up till i set the plate in front of ehr then she turned to give attitude and I flashed my ring, then pointed to DH who flashed his ring and said, 'yea, DO NOT work here.'

Her husband apologized but she didn't. Its just frustrating when people 'notice' because they make it a big deal one way or the other and to us its a non-issue.

I can't believe the ignorance on some people.. I guess they can't see thru color lines and interacial lines and see the love that exist between two people.. it's a shame that you have to live in a world like that..

I have to say, my sister Italian American married a Puerto Rican man and my 2 nephews are the most gorgeous mixed ethnicity children you will ever meet and I think they are blessed to be raised within both cultures..

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Posted by PeteysBride

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Posted by Ericab1980

DH & I are interracial, I find it amusing as I am and look very Hispanic when people see my new “last name” it throws them off . We have yet to encountered struggles as of yet, his immediate family throws in the stereotypical joke every now and again but both families have accepted each other, I’m glad my Puerto Rican aunts married the UN because my cousins are all mixed..how many Italian/ Puerto Rican/ Egyptian babies do you know? LOL

I wonder if we will encounter issues later down the road..

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Lol we if we have kids your Italian/Puerto Rican/Egyptian babies can play with our Italian/BuertoRican/croatian babies. -chuckles- People keep telling us not to move to the south-ones from up here because we will encounetr racism but honestly when we've been in NC no one said anything to our face-we were in city urban areas granted but still. I get dirtier looks here. Once we went out and I made the mistake of wearing black and white and some lady thrust her plate into ymy hand and when I said EXCUSE ME, she barely look up till i set the plate in front of ehr then she turned to give attitude and I flashed my ring, then pointed to DH who flashed his ring and said, 'yea, DO NOT work here.'

Her husband apologized but she didn't. Its just frustrating when people 'notice' because they make it a big deal one way or the other and to us its a non-issue.

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Some people are so ignorant it is ridiculous! I cannot beleive in this day and age people wtill think interracial is a deal, much less a big deal. It is seems to me to be just as common as non-interracial couples. Glad you're above that cr@p Jen!

I always forget that I am in an interracial relationship...actually, I don't forget...I just never think about it really. I too was born in the states and consider myself American first. It is crazy that people still get stuck on things like this (especially in the NYC metro area).

I am surprised that the university professor and her husband tried to speak spanish to you first. It just goes to show you that education doesn't make you smarter! But can my future polish/italian/chinese kids hang out too?

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Posted by melissas28

I always forget that I am in an interracial relationship...actually, I don't forget...I just never think about it really. I too was born in the states and consider myself American first. It is crazy that people still get stuck on things like this (especially in the NYC metro area).

I am surprised that the university professor and her husband tried to speak spanish to you first. It just goes to show you that education doesn't make you smarter! But can my future polish/italian/chinese kids hang out too?

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LOL of course Mel! We take all kinds here. Forget the military brats. If our kids all hang out together we will have kids who speak English, Italian, Polish, Eguptian -grins- very cross cultural bunch.

Yea we don't really think about it-my family doesnt-least not to me- or our friends but when we meet new people they sometimes do a double take which annoys me. LOL his great Aunt..oh boy..she means well but she's older so she sees it from that age bracket-when it was 'odd' and her son married a fewllow airforce pilot-have BEAUTIFUL children but they are mixed and when she refers to them it is with love and pride but she calls them the little 'black children.' -shakes head- Just different filters lol. I tease dh all the time lol cause his immediate family loves us and always say well, you're a disaapointmen to the hardcore ones cause you married a spanish girl and your sister is gay. Guess we're not beign invited to the christmas parties!' Which we never are btw -smh- but the fmaily members we like accept us so thats good.

People in my In-laws building thought I was the cleaning lady

when we first were engaged and I was spending massive amounts of time there.. but to think I was the cleaning girl!!

I second that ...my husband is puerto rican and i'm italian and my son is the absolutely gorgeous and adorable! maybe I'm a lil bias cause he's mine...

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Posted by PeteysBride
Once we went out and I made the mistake of wearing black and white and some lady thrust her plate into ymy hand and when I said EXCUSE ME, she barely look up till i set the plate in front of ehr then she turned to give attitude and I flashed my ring, then pointed to DH who flashed his ring and said, 'yea, DO NOT work here.'

Her husband apologized but she didn't. Its just frustrating when people 'notice' because they make it a big deal one way or the other and to us its a non-issue.

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no she didn't!!!!!!!! I would have smeared that plate right into her chest.....

Personally, my life has been filled with a rather odd type of racisim.... becuase my family is 'fresh off the boat german'.... you'd be shocked how many people HATE HATE HATE germans and feel entitled to spew the most horrid racist statements.... just because the country we fled has a less than glorious recent history.

When I was a kid, when my mom wasn't being called a nazi by other kids, I literally was being pelted by rocks, or being shot at with BB guns.... It sounds wierd, but I am so happy I have a husband who actually LIKES my ethnicity..... it's actually never worked in my favor until I met him

DH and I are an interracial couple. It has been an issue for us. My parents like him now, but they weren't civil to him until we had dated for five years. Not friendly, civil. Yes, it was based on race.

I love DH with all my heart, but I do feel conflicted occasionally. There are parts of me that identify strongly with my cultural background and in an environment where such an identity is becoming more and more diluted, don't I contribute to this by assimilating into the mainstream? The chances my children speak my parents' language, will be familiar with their traditions, etc., are diminished because of what I have done. Obviously, that is the choice I have made by marrying DH.

I don't strictly believe in the philosophy that people should 'marry their own.' That's an outdated notion and a pretty offensive one at that. But I don't believe all is hunky dory with the 'melting pot' theory, either.

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when DH and I were at a party last week, we were introduced to a few new people and one couple who were not hispanic, clumsily tried to draw me intoa convo in Spanish. I smiled and told them they could speak to em in English unelss they preffered to try out their spanish and they said they just thought I'D be more comfortable.... Then they continued to ask how it felt to be part of an interracial couple (wife was a professor of psychology at a local Univ) and I just blinked.

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That was pretty presumptuous of them. Who asks such personal questions of strangers? Jeez, they should be making small talk about the weather, not conducting psych research.

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Posted by BoxOfRocks

I love DH with all my heart, but I do feel conflicted occasionally. There are parts of me that identify strongly with my cultural background and in an environment where such an identity is becoming more and more diluted, don't I contribute to this by assimilating into the mainstream? The chances my children speak my parents' language, will be familiar with their traditions, etc., are diminished because of what I have done. Obviously, that is the choice I have made by marrying DH.

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I worry about this too. I have already lost some of my 'culture' that I grew up with, but I know it is still inside me and I will have to share it with my children. I do plan to ask my parents to teach my children to speak Chinese.

I am 1/2 Puerto Rican & 1/2 Italian
DH is 1/2 Spanish (from Spain) & 1/2 Italian.

I hate to say that there are still people out there so Simple Minded. I honestly thought that things would be different now in 2007.

My parents got divorced when I was 3. My Father Passed away when I was 15. I really didn't know him. He had his own Issues.
I Never Got to have Closure with him. I had soo many questions to ask him.

To me, My Puerto Rican Hertitage Means So much More to Me.
My Last Name Means a Whole Lot to me. That is why I had to Hyphenate it.

No, I don't speak Spanish well, but does that make me any less Puerto Rican.

The World is Filled with so Many Beautiful People.

It's so funny, I never even think of us as an interracial couple. I'm from Puerto Rico, DH is from Barbados and we were brought us pretty similar with some exceptions.
But, we've never really had an issue socially or with our families.

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Posted by portjeffbride

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Posted by PeteysBride
Once we went out and I made the mistake of wearing black and white and some lady thrust her plate into ymy hand and when I said EXCUSE ME, she barely look up till i set the plate in front of ehr then she turned to give attitude and I flashed my ring, then pointed to DH who flashed his ring and said, 'yea, DO NOT work here.'

Her husband apologized but she didn't. Its just frustrating when people 'notice' because they make it a big deal one way or the other and to us its a non-issue.

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no she didn't!!!!!!!! I would have smeared that plate right into her chest.....

Personally, my life has been filled with a rather odd type of racisim.... becuase my family is 'fresh off the boat german'.... you'd be shocked how many people HATE HATE HATE germans and feel entitled to spew the most horrid racist statements.... just because the country we fled has a less than glorious recent history.

When I was a kid, when my mom wasn't being called a nazi by other kids, I literally was being pelted by rocks, or being shot at with BB guns.... It sounds wierd, but I am so happy I have a husband who actually LIKES my ethnicity..... it's actually never worked in my favor until I met him

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That is AWFUL!!! OMG!Kids are definetly cruel and doesnt get much better when we're older. In my heart as someone else said, I am still puerto rican in the sense I like the food, I love the music and all of that, but I also like country music and line dancing lmao. I do! I think my biggest issue with 'my people' -the ones in my life anyway, is that they do what i refer to as 'pounding their chest' saying HOW hospanic they are and how its like the best, but Puertoricans-actually anyone from Afro-caribbean countries sis SOOOO mixed it ain't funny! i mean my brother has TIGHT curls-m dad's hair is kinky...and yet they would have had a FIT if I married a black guy! And its like um...HELLO. I didnt get this color simply from the sun.

I know DH's extended relatives-the real hardcore Italians, dont like he married a spanish girl, but most of them are fine with it. My family had the harder time-more jokes about me marrying a 'gringo' nevermind Im the ONY cousin who speaks spanish FLUENTLY! its just retarded.

heh, you have that problem too? Yeah, I'm way to german for the americans (what the @#$ are you eating???), and I'm way too american for the germans (what do you mean you received gifts as a child on christmas eve and not on 12/6... and what the @#$ are you eating? )

so, I've always been an ethnic orphan ...

yeah, families can be so wierd about what they think they are,m and who they think you should marry.... I've long sinced determined that the only thing that's important is that I maintain and cherish what I believe my background is.... and for you, it's peurto rican herritage. Just make sure you occassionally cook your grandma's favorite dishes (I'll cook Oma's famous rabbit stew), and recount her stories to the family, and the herritage will be maintained