intimacy

Do you know what I have found to be a helpful tool? While I am having sex, I always think, this is great, I can't believe I thought I was too tired for this. DH works late, so I let him know that he can wake me up when he gets home. Sometimes he feels bad, so I will set my alarm to 10 minutes before he comes in and make believe I was up.

My grandmother, married 52 years, said that you must have sex everyday. They don't care what is for dinner, how clean the house is, but this is a must.

My mother said sometimes you have to take one for the team

Please don't flame me, I don't think that is necessarily true

Seriously, I am so stressed during the week that I can't even think about it.

Janice, I am sure no man would ever complain about getting it every day!

In reading your post and thinking about it, I am thinking that maybe your aren't relating sex as being intimate as you associate cuddling and reading as intimate. Are you comfortable yet with your sexuality? Are you having trouble intergrating your religious beliefs with your sexual relationship with your hubby?

To me, it sounds like more of emotional concern then being physical or having the time.

When DH and I make whoopee ( yes, I used the word), I feel so incredibly close to him and so overwhelmed with feelings of love. I think that maybe discussing it with dh will help you both understand what you consider a healthy sexual relationship.

I think sex is very important in a marriage and sometimes you have make more of an effort than others and that's part of the deal.

I don't think twice per week is a low frequency but I agree with shamrock in that it sound to me like you are having issue with the intimacy part. You may need more 'practice' in the sex area so that you feel more comfortable being initimate (as opposed to just having sex with) with your DH. And yes, you may need to discuss this with him.

Also, you both have to realize that both of your sex drives will vary during the marriage...at times he will want it more and at times you will want it more often...it's important that you both try and meet each other's needs and desires. So you should probablt talk about that too.

We do talk about it. I have cried. I even told him before we got married that I thought it might be weird to me. He said he understood.

I talked to a friend of mine about a week ago who waited till she got married. She thought it was that it was because of my religion and that I might think it is wrong. But I don't think it is that.

I use to have sex alot. And I liked it alot then. But now it almost seems weird to me. Sometimes I am interested, but alot of the times I am not. And I don't want to just do it cause it is expected of me.

I also think I have a control problem. I seem to only be interested if I can decide we are having sex, not when I am in the middle of talking or something and he decides to be horny.

It seems odd to me when people say 'I just feel so close to him and so in love with him' It is odd, but it just seems more like an animal release thing.

Please, noone think I am looking down on them when I say that, its just been my reaction lately, which is odd because I was not like this years ago.

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Posted by Darcy



It seems odd to me when people say 'I just feel so close to him and so in love with him' It is odd, but it just seems more like an animal release thing.

Please, no one think I am looking down on them when I say that, its just been my reaction lately, which is odd because I was not like this years ago.

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I don't think you are looking down on any of us but I think your statement is very telling. Yes, at times, it is more physical then it is emotional but it is always emotional. I have never felt like that sex with dh was just 'an animalist, instinctual action'. Sex with DH should make you feel closer to him... you are sharing everything ...your mind, your body, your vulerability.

The control issue can definitely have an effect because you forget to enjoy it. I would talk with an objective person and try to get a better handle on where you are at. Not being interested in sex can be a symptom of something else...like depression, low self esteem, etc.

a hug for Darcy

Is your DH still intimate with you at other times? From your post I know that's what you like, lying together, cuddling, etc.
Does your DH do this while leading up to sex? If it's just pure 'wham bam, thank you maam' then I can see how you'd like it less frequently.

my grandmother told me to NEVER have a headache....and on average we have sex 2 times a week (well..more when were trying to make a baby), and lately...NOT AT ALL....he's afraid of causing a miscarriage....

I'd like to have it more often, regardless of being PG.....but our schedules conflict sometimes and we're too tired....and sometimes even being tired...it jsut happens!

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Posted by Darcy

We do talk about it. I have cried. I even told him before we got married that I thought it might be weird to me. He said he understood.

I talked to a friend of mine about a week ago who waited till she got married. She thought it was that it was because of my religion and that I might think it is wrong. But I don't think it is that.

I use to have sex alot. And I liked it alot then. But now it almost seems weird to me. Sometimes I am interested, but alot of the times I am not. And I don't want to just do it cause it is expected of me.

I also think I have a control problem. I seem to only be interested if I can decide we are having sex, not when I am in the middle of talking or something and he decides to be horny.

It seems odd to me when people say 'I just feel so close to him and so in love with him' It is odd, but it just seems more like an animal release thing.

Please, noone think I am looking down on them when I say that, its just been my reaction lately, which is odd because I was not like this years ago.

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Sounds to me like there is some romance missing here too. A good sex life takes two people not just one, so this can't be all YOUR fault.

Has he tried wining and dining you, flowers and massages, candles and rose petals on the bed - type stuff?? I can understand how after waiting to have sex for a long time he might be little extra horny and just wants to get right to it and I could see how that would make you view sex as just a physical need for a release. But he should slow down and devote some attention to the romantic part of it too -- maybe that would help you out some more? If you think so, you need to tell him this too!