Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
nrvbrd
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Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
Lisa Rose's post on how her inlaws live apart got me thinking.
I know two couples who have what I call long distance marriages. One's husband is in the military and the other 's husband does an extensive amount of traveling for his career.
Both women claim this is the perfect marriage because they never see their husbands. They say there are less arguments and there is hardly any time for them to get on your nerves. These women are very happy with their situations.
Don't know if I have a specific question, but just want to get your thoughts.
IMO, people who enjoy this type of arrangement seem like the type that are somewhat emotionally detached. Or people who really enjoy being single, having their own space all the time and just want an occasional fling.
sonia
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Re: Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
i don't have any personal experience, but i had the option of doing this and i chose not to. i got a great job offer in california (even though I knew i was going to move out here after the wedding). i could have taken it and made good money, but it would have meant a long distance marriage. i think it would be too tough for me .. i guess i'm too attached to my hubby to do that?
Jenn P
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Re: Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
I agree with you. My aunt and uncle lived apart for four years while he was on a special government assignment in Virginia. He came up roughly every other weekend. They are known in the family for not having the most loving marriage and we all said at the time that they were the only people we knew who could stand to be away from each other that long.
Sonicstef
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Re: Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
Im happy for people who are happy in their marriage no matter the situation.
Personally, I could never. I am way too needy and need too much attention to be happy never seeing my spouse. My husband is away from home on occassion and that is already too much for my tastes.
But i think many of the long distance situations are short term. One, two, three years...not very much when you consider marriage a life long committment. But I often wonder if a couple goes so long living mostly seperate lives, how do they adjust to living together when they return to a normal arrangement?
swags1016
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Re: Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
Dh works nights and I work days we hardly see each other during the week and we only really spend quality time together on the weekends. Do I love the situation -NO but I like it and for now it works for me. Are there times where I get angry and frustrated by his absence absolutely. But since I grew up as an only child and did not have to share anything I enjoy having my own space at night. I can leave my shoes or clothes on the floor until I am ready for bed if I want. There are pros and cons to each situation.
Since we have been together, 6 years, this has always been the situation and I don't know anything different, but I do not think I am an emotionally detached person at all!!!
ETA: and no I do not want to be single or have an occassional fling. I think that statement is a VERY harsh thing to say. I love Frankie very much and though I may not always like the situation I have looked for the positives in it ito make peace with it.
starhead
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Re: Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
I have the situation where DH travels often for his job, which he loves. In fact, he's been away since Dec. 26 and comes home thurs, to only leave again for a few days.
Yes, it's hard sometimes. But then there are stretche in between where he is home all the time. So for me, though he travels a lot, we find it works. I am very independent and like having my space sometimes. We were never the kind of couple that were attached at the hip and did everything together. That to me would be suffocating. We have the opportunity to miss each other and not take each other for granted. We can't wait to see each other on Thursday.
I do not think that because this works for us we love each other any less than another couple who can't stand to be separated.
nrvbrd
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Re: Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
Posted by swags1016
Dh works nights and I work days we hardly see each other during the week and we only really spend quality time together on the weekends. Do I love the situation -NO but I like it and for now it works for me. Are there times where I get angry and frustrated by his absence absolutely. But since I grew up as an only child and did not have to share anything I enjoy having my own space at night. I can leave my shoes or clothes on the floor until I am ready for bed if I want. There are pros and cons to each situation.
Since we have been together, 6 years, this has always been the situation and I don't know anything different, but I do not think I am an emotionally detached person at all!!!
ETA: and no I do not want to be single or have an occassional fling. I think that statement is a VERY harsh thing to say. I love Frankie very much and though I may not always like the situation I have looked for the positives in it ito make peace with it.
Jamie, you have obviously expressed that you do NOT like this situation, but are dealing with it. These women LOVE their situations and would not change it. There is a difference.
swags1016
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Re: Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
OK Understood!
Thank you for spelling my name right!! It was nice to see!!
nrvbrd
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Re: Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
Posted by swags1016
OK Understood!
Thank you for spelling my name right!! It was nice to see!!
Good - drama avoided
Sometimes I wish I could actually talk about these topics, sometimes your true meaning gets lost.
starhead
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Re: Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
I'm not saying I absolutely love it. However, I do not mind when he goes away for a week. This time it's a little over 2 weeks which is a little bit tougher to deal with. Also, DH loves his job and I'm supportive of that.
nrvbrd
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Re: Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
Posted by starhead
I'm not saying I absolutely love it. However, I do not mind when he goes away for a week. This time it's a little over 2 weeks which is a little bit tougher to deal with. Also, DH loves his job and I'm supportive of that.
One of the ladies I am referring to goes months without her seeing her hubby.
Lisa Rose
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Re: Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
I know that I would hate being in that situation but I guess it works for my in-laws. I would think that you would become like strangers if you are apart that much.
My sister and BIL were dating for 10 years before they got married....now married for 5 years and my BIL is a NYC cop that works nights. There have been MANY times my sister had to go to functions by herself but my sister is a very indepenant person and has no problem going places alone. Now, with the baby, she cant wait for him to retire!! I guess having a child now changes the feelings!!
070502
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Re: Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
The Military Wife There she sits by the phone, Willing it to ring. Needing to hear those words of love She knows that call will bring
The hours pass, but pass so slow, And still there is no call. From her love so far away And the tears start to fall.
Once again, the day drags on, She knows it's part of life. Spending days and nights alone When you're a military wife
He goes because it's his duty, To protect the freedom of this land. She prays the God will keep him Safely in his hand.
She kisses her children, tucks them in bed And watches them as they sleep. She never knew that loneliness Could ever run so deep.
She's had no word for three long weeks, She doesn't know if he's okay. She knows there is but one thing to do, And that one thing is to pray.
God must have been listening As she bowed her head just then, Because the phone started to ring As she whispered 'Keep him safe, Amen'.
Before he hangs up the phone, She whispers 'I love you'. Her heart soars with joy again, When he says 'I love you too'.
There she sits by the phone Not wanting the call to end, But thankful for the chance Her love for him to send.
No matter where they are, They are never far apart. It takes more than distance To separate their hearts.
For they were joined in love, And they meant those words for life. That has a special meaning When you're a military wife
This poem says it all for my husband and I. Most likely it is very hard on your friend and it may be hard for her to share with others who don't know and can't possibly understand.
jennbaby
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Re: Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
I know someone who spends so much time with her girlfriends and hardly any with her DH. Her & DH work all week, go to the gym, etc etc seperately. I mean don't get me wrong, I am not saying to be on top of your hubby but, my friend sees him 1 day a week (Sunday) where they spend quality time together, hey if it works for them, great! (I know he isn't thrilled about her spending so much time apart).
As for me, I love being with my husband every night. I love seeing him when I get home from work, preparing dinner together, talking about our day, watching tv, or whatever it is. Even if I am on the pc and he is playin X Box, we are together, and we love being together, We are the bestest of friends and this suits us perfectly! I can't see, being away from him, unless it was for business. ETS: we do see our friends too, but mostly together
OctBride03
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Re: Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
I cannot imagine being apart from my husband anymore than I am now. He has the WORST working schedule, we are completely opposite! I see him in the evenings for a few hours before we go to sleep. And now that he's on overnights, I see him for an hour and a half and then he leaves.
I'm sure this works for some people, actually my parents have been married 28 years and my dad works Mon-Sat overnights and seems to be working for them! hehe!
I've only been married 2 months and I HATE it! Maybe I'll change my mind in 10 years, haha!
But to answer your question, I think it depends on the couple. I don't see this working for me
kmcwed
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Re: Is being in a marriage where you hardly see your spouse beneficial???
I can base my opinion on some experience. After the wedding, DH and I had to live separately (60 miles apart) for almost six months. It was NOT easy, it was NOT fun, and it was a tremendous strain on the both of us.
I saw him once a week, sometimes once every two weeks. Sometimes it was just a quick visit after work (he would arrive at 1 a.m., spend the night, and leave the next afternoon for work again). Sometimes he would come out on a day off, and we'd have more of a 'date.' Either way it stunk.
Towards the fifth month, we began to bicker a little bit, which we had never done before. I started to fear for the health of our relationship and our marriage.
I am a VERY independant person, I love my time to myself, I have hobbies and interests that keep me busy and entertained. Even with all of that, I still need to see my DH daily, I still need to hold his hand when we're falling asleep at night. I need that quality time together.
I guess everyone is different. I find it very hard to understand how two people can really, truly be happy and fulfilled when they hardly see each other. I think a healthy marriage is a balance of togetherness and independance. Too much of either one, and there's eventually going to be trouble.
In the case of Military wives, I think that's a different story. But even then, there are some people who can handle it, and others who can't. I think I'd be one of the ones who can't, and I give military wives a LOT of credit.
